I hardly know what to write. My words come haltingly, and then seem to stop mid-thought for lack of what to think or say or do now that over 5 million of my fellow Californians have voted to strip me of my rights.
I'm angry.
I'm confused.
I'm devastated.
More below.
I don't have the energy to put a lot of flashy stuff in this diary, so don't look for links, videos, pictures, etc. This is just a glimpse of my soul on a very dark day.
I read VisualArts101's diary yesterday, and her words could have been mine. It was so eloquent and righteously angry. I thank her for having the words I didn't yesterday.
Two days ago, Californians overwhelmingly elected a progressive African American to be our president with one hand, and then voted to discriminate against me with the other.
The numbers don't lie. The only group to support No on 8 was young voters 18-29; every other demographic went "yes." Most shocking? 70% of African American voters in the state voted to discriminate against me and thousands of other gay and lesbian couples. I can't help but remember last year when Barack Obama invited the anti-gay pastor to speak in South Carolina or how he has repeatedly said that he opposes gay marriage. These actions and words have consequences. Don't defend him on this point. He is wrong, and he should know better.
The day I got married was the proudest and most special day of my life. Yesterday was the lowest, most degrading day of my life. Maybe I didn't "leave it all on the road" and it's partly my fault. I donated, wrote letters to the editor, talked to everyone I knew about it, and stood on the street corner waving No on 8 signs for hours on election day, but there's only so much one person can do when black people hate me, old people hate me, and Mormons and Catholics hate me.
I can't possibly describe how devastating it is to be hated so vehemently. I don't know where I go from here. My feelings and thoughts are so scattered, so sad, so angry and disbelieving. I'm supposed to be attending two legal, sanctioned weddings next year, and I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can stand there and look on lovingly as two straight couples enjoy a privelege that I've been denied my whole life, save four wonderous months where I actually thought I was equal.
I don't know what to do or how to feel, but I know this much:
**The Mormon church should be stripped of its tax exempt status for its meddling in this issue.
**Black folks let me down big time in this election.
**Barack Obama helped pave the way for this, and his words, his image, his stance on gay marriage were used to help the Yes on 8 people.
It sucks, and I wish I could celebrate with all of you, but I can't.
Updated: I can't argue with you anymore. You think I'm racist because I'm disappointed in the 70% of AA's who voted for Prop 8. Well, here's what one commenter wrote downthread:
"Separate but equal is a step forward."
It really is enough to make me cry. I'm done here.