Please allow me to vent and get something out of me that has been inside for a long time with a bit of my story.
I have been obsessed with this presidential campaign - for many reasons that I can not easily articulate. But now I can think anew about making a difference in a stronger way...
A piece of me has been mourning ever since I barely lost my campaign in a Democratic primary for the California State Assembly. A year and a half of my wife's and my entire life was spent on that campaign. That was well over four years ago now.
No one outside our campaign thought we would win. I was too young. I was too inexperienced. The local democratic party thought I needed to wait my turn. There's a hierarchy that needed to be honored. Another city mayor in the district had been looking to run for many, many years and he deserved to be the nominee even though I knew - and many others agreed - he would never really fight and take the chances necessary to bring about real change.
I ended up losing by just 300 votes or so in a district of about 50 K people, and I lost in a way that really hurt inside.
I had been on the sewer board of my hometown for eight years and fought corruption there, and became president of the district and brought needed change there after getting allies to run, win, and form a new majority on this local, relatively unknown special district.
I thought and believed my passion for progressive values in the district would pierce through, because I knew deep in my gut I would aggressively pursue needed change for needed causes. I would go up to Sacramento and start screaming for change - something I believed my opponent would never put on the line.
My wife and I fought very hard and eventually won respect and really came close. I eventually got the endorsement from the California Nurses Association, the California League of Conservation Voters, the state and local firefighters unions, a local former Congressman, a local State Senator who's now in Congress, local and state elected officials... but we lost by only about 300 votes.
And the way I lost hurt because an outside Republican political organization (cigarette company, insurance company, oil utility money) was evidently scared of me because they spent a ton of money attacking me as a "sellout" for being supported by trial lawyers. The attack was dropped just a couple of days before the election, and our internal polls that had me up switched and in an area of the district far from my hometown voted against me. The attack hurt. And going door to door just before the election and people asking me to my face whether I was a sellout because I was supported by lawyers really hurt. Still, only about 300 votes were the difference and several days of finally counting all of the absentee ballots did not change things. I beat my opponent in his own city that he was a mayor of, the county that we shared, but enough voters in a far town in the district who did not know me as well bought the attack mailers complete with a photo of me tied with a "ball and chain" connected to my ankle.
I know, you need a thick skin. I thought I had a thick skin. I put up a tough outside during the campaign. I put it all aside and I'm proud how my wife and I fought hard every day and gave it our all. The eventual loss did hurt, though, and a part of my belief in justice in our community and our world was lost... seemingly forever.
Man, that was painful.
It has taken me years to finally go through all the files and old mailings, articles, etc.
Obama touched me early in his campaign. I did everything I could to help the campaign. For some reason I was instinctively drawn to the campaign as some type of concrete, external test that I could look to in order to see if our democracy is still alive or not. Is the world fair? Can someone so pure and effective actually make it?
I have no clue whatsoever whether I will actually run again. I do know that I will not personally run - even if I do run - for many, many years. I am a dad now and time priorities have changed. But I could see myself getting personally involved years down the road now. And I can't believe I actually typed that.
There are many ways to make a difference. I can continue to represent people who need a voice as a lawyer. I can be a history/government high school teacher in the future. Who knows what the future holds?
I do know that Obama's election has me believing and hoping again. And I am now thinking again of what I need to do as part of my duty to make a difference.
I thank you, Barack, for making me want to be a better person and pushing me to do what I need to do in my life to make a difference in my community. I have always wanted to but your election has me believing and feeling a sense of confirmation that we all can make a difference if we put our mind to it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Barack. America is beautiful and she is now back on the side of people against the corporations which run over our interests.
I can definitely say now without reservation for the first time since my painful loss: I now believe again and believe in a brighter future for all of us.