THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF SPECULATION ABOUT WHO WILL BE GETTING POSITIONS IN PRESIDENT-ELECT BARACK OBAMA'S ADMINISTRATION.
With this in mind, this has just leaked from confidential sources (SNARK SNARK) from the McCain camp. It appeared that John McCain had his cabinet and administrative personal already selected in anticipation of his win on November 4th. So, had the McCain/Palin ticket won that night, we would have been seeing this press release with the new administration as follows. A nice neat photo presentation with a short quote from each of the appointees and background information as well.
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MAJOR ADMINISTRATIVE POSTS:
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
John Sydney McCain
"My friends, since I always put my Country First, I have assembled the most talented, bi-partisan diversified team to lead our country into greatness.
And thank you Vice President Palin for all of your help in assembling this fine staff. I know so many of you think that we stole this election, let me assure you my friends, when you see these quality people, a mixture of dedicated experience and youthful energy, reaching across partly lines, you will know that we mean America First.
So, my friends, all of the rioting in the major cities and other parts of the country will and must stop."
BACKGROUND: Former Navy fighter pilot, POW, senator from Arizona and Maverick.
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
"Queen" Sarah Palin
- The Pentacostal's own Queen Esther
"Father God in the name of Jesus, oh Father God I just come humbly before you Father God in Jesus... You betcha Father God I have been vindicated and now I am here to carry out your mission to make me great. They just love me!"
BACKGROUND: Council Member and then Mayor of Wisella, Alaska, Governor of Alaska, former runner-up in Miss Alaska beauty pageant, moose hunter, conniving right-wing Christian religious zealot, pathological liar, ultimate megalomaniac, would-be dangerous and diabolical schemer (except that her air-headedness keeps getting in her way), trained in the GOPAC/Dobson School of Talking-point Speaking (yet completely mangles it with her continual tortured syntax), doesn't read newspapers (or she wouldn't have to keep asking "Who is Barack Obama?" over and over and over at every one of her campaign rallies), lacks the embarrassment gene, wont-go-away, and Maverick partner of President McCain.
ASSISTANT TO THE VICE PRESIDENT
Todd Palin
"I don't say anything"
BACKGROUND: Husband of VP Sarah Palin, always lurking in her shadows, championship 1st place snowmobile racer, championship 1st place pussy-whipped, commercial fisherman, production worker on Alaska pipeline, member of Alaska Independence Party, a party seeking Alaskan succession from the United States, missing the embarrassment gene.
WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF
J. Gordon Liddy
"I grew up in a German-American community included
many admirers of Adolf Hitler, and this is a new America."
BACKGROUND: Served several positions in President Nixon's White House and one of five of Watergate burglars, served prison time and now rehabilitated, right-wing radio talk show host.
WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL
Rick Davis
"John McCain does not speak for the President."
BACKGROUND: McCain campaign Manager, top notch sleezeball lawyer lobbyist, pathological double-dealer, loading his pockets with millions of dollars from everyone.
DIRECTOR OF THE OFFICE OF MANAGEMENT AND BUDGET
Phil Gramm
"You mamsy pamsies are going to learn what whining really is."
BACKGROUND: Former U.S. Senator from Texas, deregulator, and architect of the current worldwide economic disaster.
ATTORNEY GENERAL
Rudy Giuliani
"I didn’t expect to be surprised like this."
BACKGROUND: Former Federal Prosecutor and Mayor of New York City, "librul" Republican, grew more and more cantankerous as a mayor in his eight years of office and then morphed into a right-wing crackpot in presidential bid of 2008.
ASSISTANT ATTORNEY GENERAL
Monica Goodling
"I don't have a Monica problem, and I don't trust Democrats, so there."
BACKGROUND: Graduate of Pat Robertson's Regent University Law School, a Christian approach law school and one of the worst law schools in the nation. Extremely thin resume, couldn't work anywhere else but the W Bush Justice Department and pleaded the Fifth Amendment in the Alberto Gonzales U.S. Attorneys firing case.
PRESS SECRETARY
Tucker Bounds
"The question you really should be asking is if Barack Obama....."
BACKGROUND: Media aide for W's 2004 campaign, McCain television talking head propaganda spewing crackpot.
ASSISTANT PRESS SECRETARY
Matt Drudge
"%$**&@*!%^~**)%$"
BACKGROUND: Right-wing internet sleezeball crackpot.
NATIONAL AND HOMELAND SECURITY ADVISER
Doctor James Dobson
"I will pray that our country be safe
and Jesus will be in every bedroom and bathroom."
BACKGROUND: Dangerous right-wing Christian crackpot.
DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Ben Porritt
"You know. I know you know.
Well, I'm not going to say if you don't know,
but I know you know. We all know."
BACKGROUND: I don't know. Something to do with Tom Delay. Total crass.
ADMINISTRATOR OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY
Zell Miller
"If dueling were around today,
the Democratic Party has left me!"
BACKGROUND: Former U.S. Democratic Senator from Georgia who endorsed current president W. Bush, screams out a lot of nonsense, irratating crackpot.
DIRECTOR OF THE NATIONAL DRUG CONTROL POLICY
Cindy McCain
"There’s some Vicodin missing?"
BACKGROUND: Rich girl, wife of President John McCain, did charity work for American Voluntary Medical Team.
THE CABINET POSITIONS:
SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE
Pastor Thomas Muthee
"I will keep Queen Sarah safe from the devil,
and use my position to enable those of God to take
the money of those not God."
BACKGROUND: In Africa, evicts witches from their homes. In America, exorcises demons from the chronic misdirected (including Sarah Palin) and spews dangerous religious extremism to those crackpots that are easily brainwashed.
SECRETARY OF COMMERCE
Carly Fiorina
"Did I say that I know how to run a business?"
CEO of Hewlitt Packard, ran it so badly that it brushed with bankruptcy, but yet escaped this position with nearly a $40 million golden parachute. Crackpot.
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
Arnold Shwarzenegger
"I’m back"
BACKGROUND: Body building champion, action movie hero, Governor of California, nimble minded crackpot led astay.
SECRETARY OF EDUCATION
Caitlin Upton
Miss Teen South Carolina 2007
"Vice President Palin will teach me everything I know, especially about maps."
BACKGROUND: Beauty contest winner, memorable quotes, really concerned with education.
SECRETARY OF ENERGY
Ted Stevens
"I told you I’d be vindicated."
BACKGROUND: Alaska senator forever, pardoned by current president for his seven felony convictions so he could take this position.
(*New Federal Agency under Mccain/Palin Administration)
SECRETARY OF FAIR FEDERAL ELECTIONS
Mark Anthony Jacoby
"I'll make sure only Republicans vote, they are the only deserving voters in America."
BACKGROUND: Head of Young Political Majors (YMP) collecting signatures for Republican Party, arrested for voter fraud. Young cantankerous Republican crackpot.
SECRETARY OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES
Rush Limbaugh
"It was all about race."
BACKGROUND: Current right-wing radio show host crackpot, pathological liar, really wanted Cindy McCain's position at the Drug Control Center.
SECRETARY OF HOMELAND SECURITY
Sheriff Scott
"Ha ha ha Hussein"
BACKGROUND: Sheriff in Florida, speaks Snark at Republican campaign rallies while in uniform and on duty. Crackpot entrusted with protecting citizens.
SECRETARY OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT
Joe the Plummer
"My album didn’t do too well so here I am."
BACKGROUND: Republican campaign prop, plumber impersonator, would-be businessman, and God only knows whatever else. Opportunistic crackpot.
SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR
Levi Johnston
"Hey, it's good to know people in high places."
BACKGROUND: Redneck hockey player, high school dropout, future son-in-law of VP Sarah Palin.
SECRETARY OF LABOR
Baroness Lynn Forester de Rothschild
a.k.a. Baroness duh Redneck
"Thank you for this opportunity to look out for the bitter little rednecks."
BACKGROUND: Married royalty and into tons of money, one of the last holdouts of the rapidly diminishing PUMAs, manages her household staff. Real airhead crackpot.
SECRETARY OF STATE
Nancy Pfotenhauer
"I will teach the world about Real Americans."
BACKGROUND: Senior Republican National Committee member, McCain campaign televesion talking head crackpot, known for her dumbfounded charming airhead smiles.
SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION
Joe Lieberman
"What can I say?"
BACKGROUND: Former Democratic senator from Connecticut, Democratic VP candidate 2000, Independent Party senator from Connecticut 2006, Candidate John McCain's campaigning buddy. Became disillusioned crackpot to everyone's disappointment.
SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY
Steve Schmidt
"I kick ass man, I'm Karl Rove on speed and steriods."
BACKGROUND: John McCain campaign strategist. Got him where he wanted to be.
SECRETARY OF VETERANS AFFAIRS
Michele Bachmann
"I’m doing my anti-American investigations, and I'm starting with Democratic vets."
BACKGROUND: Paranoid, religious right-wing congresswoman from Minnesota crackpot.
OTHER ADMINISTRATIVE POSITIONS:
CHAIRMAN OF THE JOINT CHIEFS
Al Haig
"I am in control here."
BACKGROUND: Former four star general and Secretary of State when President Ronald Regan was shot. Hawk. Endorsed McCain for President. Getting up there in age and mean and cranky but hey...
MIDDLE EAST ENVOY
Gayle Quinnell
"Is he an Arab?"
BACKGROUND: Misinformed and delusional crackpot.
HUMAN RIGHTS REPRESENTATIVE
Shirley Nagel
"I don't give Halloween candy to children of Obama supporters, because they have a choice."
BACKGROUND: Republican national convention delegate, typical mean Republican crackpot.
AMBASSADOR TO THE UN
Real American "Koot" Wisconsin
"I'm angry because of all of those hooligans and socialists around."
BACKGROUND: ...maybe the state mental hospital for the Criminally Insane?? Angry crackpot.
SECRETARY FOR FOREIGN ASSISTANCE
Oliver North
"I know a few tricks about assisting foreigners."
BACKGROUND: Naval officer, Reagan administration, convicted of criminal misdoings in Iran-Contra scandal, popular conservative crackpot.
CIA DIRECTOR
Tom "The Hammer" Dalay
"I'm back"
BACKGROUND: Congressman from Texas, indited for violation of campaign finance laws, runs seminars on how to be a mean, nasty, crooked sleezy Republican crackpot.
CHAIRMAN, PRESIDENT’S COUNCIL OF FOREIGN POLICY ADVISERS
South Carolina Repubican Campaign Contributer
"How do we beat the bitch?"
BACKGROUND: Made President McCain laugh with her crude Hillary Clinton question so she got the job here.
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EVERYONE, BECAUSE WE DID SUCH A GOOD JOB, THIS IS WHAT THANKFULLY WE DON'T HAVE TO BE DEALING WITH AND TEARING OUR HAIR OUT AND MAKING PLANS TO MOVE TO CANADA OR SOMEWHERE ELSE. WE DESERVE A BIG PAT ON THE BACK!