In a shocking display of bi-partisanship, major media sources are confirming that President-Elect Obama has nominated Sarah Palin as his new Secretary of State. When asked to comment, an Obama spokesperson had this to say:
"This country has been suffering under the effects of extreme partisanship for too long and we're going to put an end to that by building bridges and letting bygones be bygones. I mean, sure, Palin was responsible for some of the most reprehensible statements concerning Senator Obama and his family and, sure the Secret Service did have to step up it's protection efforts because of them, but that is no reason to exclude her from the political process. By appointing Gov. Palin to the position of Secretary of State, Senator Obama has made it clear that he represents all of America.
When asked about the fact that the majority of Americans viewed Gov. Palin as woefully incompetent, not to mention stupid, the spokesperson responded with this:
Let me reiterate again that President-Elect Obama wants to make it clear that this administration is about representing all Americans, even the stupid and incompetent. Just because someone is totally incompetent, morally bankrupt and completely opposed to everything the President-Elect stands for and has campaigned for is no reason to keep them out of this administration.
Reaction from the Senate was swift and approving. Senator Reid, the majority leader had this to say:
The Senate Democrats applaud the President-Elect and his decision to put the election behind him, cross the aisle and work toward the healing that this country so desperately needs after the disaster that was the Bush administration. I suspect there will probably be a lot of whining from the 'blogosphere' about this, but I'm glad to see that Sen. Obama has followed the example we set by allowing Sen. Lieberman to keep his valuable committee chair. Hopefully the incoming President can continue this bi-partisanship and healing by appointing Vice-President Cheney to head the NSA. I think that if that happens, we can truly say that this country has moved on in a positive direction. I am sure that Gov. Palin will be swiftly and overwhelmingly confirmed.
Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell was unable to comment when he was rushed to the hospital after being unable to breathe due to an inability to stop laughing. His spokesperson said it was completely unrelated and that he had just happened to have "thought of something funny."
UPDATED (by popular demand)
Sarah Palin was reached for comment. She did not immediately indicate she was accepting the position. She had this to say:
As much as I admire and respect the President-Elect and would enjoy working for him, I'm not sure I can accept. After all, I am already Governor of the largest state in the U.S. and I think it would be seen as a step down to become a mere Secretary, even though I can type 70 words per minute. Also, they don't mention WHICH state. Can it be Alaska so I don't have to move? Is there a clothing allowance? I'm really going to need more information before I can make a decision.