I just canceled what little Thanksgiving festivity I had planned for myself and my twin 2 year olds. We were not going to do much. A turkey breast, some side stuff. A new DVD for them. Now, I'm wondering if I can keep the electric on past Friday, and there won't be any food shopping, let alone a special dinner for tomorrow.
Why?
Because I did some extra contract work for the college I work for back in September and October, and I invoiced it, and I was promised it would be in my last check on the 15th. It wasn't, and I asked, and I was told it would be there today. It's not. It's $1500, which isn't much to most people, but to me, right now, it's the beginning of our fragile house of cards collapsing.
I can't explain how difficult it is to balance the expenses of rent, car, utilities and child care expenses to someone who doesn't face those expenses, alone, every month. It's overwhelming.
I fell behind with the electric/gas heat last month because I had put out the money for extra childcare to do the contract work. Then I got more behind, robbing Peter to pay the pre-school, last check. Now, the car is 30 days late, the insurance renewal is due on the 30th, and the rent is due on the 1st, and I have a check for $900 rather than $2200.
PSE&G left a voicemail today saying if I didn't give them $280 on Friday, they'd shut off the service on Monday. I owe the daycare $160 from this week, and $300 on Monday, and $300 next Monday (but if I don't give them $460 on Monday, I can't leave my children). The rent is $775. The car is $375 and on the 28th, I'll owe that twice. Then there's car insurance and student loans. And the cupboard is empty but for some peanut butter and three hot dogs and a handful of Oreos.
The college says that they'll pay me on the 15th. By that time, I'm not sure I'll still be able to go to work, or that my kids will have food to eat. And we might be sitting in the cold and dark because PSE&G cares about no one.
I guess I'd write more, but words just escape me, and I can't even form a coherent thought through the tears tonight. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard, all of the time, to do such basic stuff to take care of my children.