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Excerpts follow.

Bush on Habeaus corpus.

My political opponents failed to shake my profound belief that even our mortal enemies, the terrrrsts, deserve to eat breakfast with the dignity that Jesus and the US Constitution affordains them. As Uncle Cheney reminded me, I ate Habeaus's Corpus Flakes for breakfast as a kid and hated it. It had the consistency and deviousness of pretzels.

Although I had enormous content for the terririssts, I wasn't about to abandon my humanimity by making them eat that dry slop. So, benevolicious leader that I was, I had the Military officials in Guantanamo replace their Habeaus Corpus with buttery cheese grits.

But I have to give credit where it's due--while I gave the order, it was Dick who mercifully came up with the idea. He was there every step of my Presidency, keeping me on the straight and narrow. I tell ya, that old teddy bear put the "omp" in "compassion."

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Bush on "Bring ‘em on."

Okay, I admit that was a stupidious remark. A few weeks after I yeehawed those words, I saw a sign near my ranch that announced a village somewhere in Texas was missing its idiot. At first, I chuckled. But I grew sad upon closer introspection of the sign. I was the missing idiot.

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(Credit to Kayakbiker for the village idiot photo. For more compelling photos, click here.)

Bush on "My Pet Goat."

The Georgetown cockatiel crowd and Michael Moores of Hollywood made me lividinous when they criticized my reaction to the grave news Andy had given me during "My Pet Goat."

"Cut me some slack, you hippies," I thought to myself at the time.

Who hasn't been distracted by that instransiating Meow Mix ad (see attached compact dish)? So, as they say, let he who is without stones cast the first sin!

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Bush on life before the presidency.

The above video, borrowed from my spiritual minotaur, Homer Simpson, sumulates my total life experiences before I became president.

Contents of attached Compact Dish.

Originally posted to Bob Sackamento on Fri Nov 28, 2008 at 08:01 PM PST.

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