To: the former Republican states of Ohio and Indiana, plus the non-real America state of Michigan
From: The Republican Party
Re: Your Demise
Guys, guys, guys. We thought we had an understanding. You were to vote Republican and we were to consider you part of the family. We can't begin to express how disappointed we are with you, Indiana and Ohio (and we gave up on you, Michigan, a ways back).
No soup for you. It really doesn't matter to us how much your economy or the national economy depends on the Midwestern auto industry. Don't come to us about your problems. All you had to do was vote for McCain and you couldn't even get that right. See you at the soup kitchen.
We're especially disappointed with you, Indiana. All this time, we thought you were one of us. It's something truly special when a state goes 44 years without voting for a Democrat, but like all great streaks, it seems this one had to end. Ohio is a bit promiscuous, we know, and Michigan has long since been consigned to the brothel, but we thought you were faithful, Indiana, you little tramp.
Don't come crying to us. We won't listen to anyone, not even Dick Lugar or George Voinovich. You made your choice last November and we've made ours. The South and the inner core of the Mountain West is our home. The only auto manufacturers we care about are union-free. All the rest of y'all can go to hell.
The Republican Party