Short Answer: They refuse to accept each other as they are.
Though they share the same political party affiliation and general ideology, the Black and GLBT Community do so for very different reasons and from very different perspectives. The experiences of both the Black and GLBT Community in America are not comparable and their very lifestyles are in total contradiction to one another and because there is no respect or acknowledgment of each sides differences and beliefs, their relationship towards each other will continue to be hostile even while they work together to promote the success of the Democratic Party that they overwhelmingly support.
In an attempt to present a starting point where I believe that both communities can face the reality of what each side has been ignoring for decades now, I would like to point out the biggest of these because until these differences are addressed , acknowledged and respected, there will be no legitimate debate or civil discussion between these two communities. And while the latest outrage over Rick Warren has opened new wounds, it has also opened an opportunity for both the Black and GLBT Communities to confront the contentious differences each side so conveniently has been ignoring about each other, and the racism and homophobia that is found even within their own communities.
GLBTs to Blacks: "You are hypocrites. You want us to support your rights , but you won't support our rights"
Rather than view this as a pathetic and insulting attempt to "guilt bait" the Black Community into supporting Gay Marriage as opposed to Civil Unions which immediately ends all conversation, Blacks should stop and think about what exactly their fellow Americans are trying to argue. Not from the RELIGIOUS perspective that Blacks view Civil Rights, but from the SECULAR perspective that GLBT views Civil Rights and from THAT perspective, they will see that the GLBT has a point. Blacks should acknowledge , though most disagree, that they are viewed as hypocrites by the GLBT Community because they view the Black Civil Rights Movement from a SECULAR perspective. A HUMAN RIGHTS perspective while Blacks viewed that movement as a RELIGIOUS and MORAL perspective. This must be acknowledged, whether accepted or not , before openness to any meaningful discussion is had.
Blacks to GLBT: "Do not equate yourself to Blacks. Blacks are born Black. You are not born Gay"
Rather than pretend this view is only shared by the much hated and loathed Evangelical Christians in the Republican Party, the GLBT should acknowledge that the majority of Blacks in America , are in fact, Evangelical Christians as well and that the majority of Blacks who are Evangelicals , do not believe that a person is born Gay because if they were, the GOD they serve and believe EXISTS would not have condemned, as an ABOMINATION, the ACTIONS of a man who is "effeminate", (that would be a man who is homosexual) The Gay Community must acknowledge the fact that they share the same political party with Evangelical Christians and what that means. Instead of writing off persons of Faith in the Democratic Party as "centrist" idiots who believe in "imaginary deities" as opposed to Darwinism, which is believed by most Black Evangelicals to be a racist atheist ideology created by a man who sought to convince the world that Blacks were an inferior "species" to Whites , the GLBT Community must acknowledge though they will not accept, that this is their position .
Until both sides can acknowledge that this is how each side feels and stop ignoring the herd of elephants in the room, there will always be a hostile relationship between Blacks and GLBT in America and no attempt at conducting an open dialogue between Americas Gay and Black Leadership to address this issue will be made.
DISCLOSURE:
I am an African American Progressive Evangelical Christian who supports the Democratic Party and happily lived for three years in a Gay Neighborhood called Hill Crest in San Diego California.