For immediate release.
Acting quickly, the decider-in-chief has appointed Jeff Gannon and Jim Gukert to fill the role of Press Secretary recently resigned up by Scott McClellan.
In addressing reporters' questions about the appointment outgoing Press Secretary McClellan said:
Having two press secretaries will allow the administration to work more effectively with the press corps. As many of you know Ari Fleisher who held the role through most of the first term handled the press with a certain sadistic flair, while I've opted for a masochistic stance continually humiliating myself by endlessly recycling threadbare and irrelevant talking points or repeating the lies my superiors have been telling me presented with an unconvincing facade of conviction.
In the Gannon/Gukert team, the adminstration not only gets professional experience in Sado-Masochism but by alternating press secretaries they will better manage the lately more feisty press corps by keeping them off balance. Plans currently call for masochist Jeff Gannon to handle the press on even numbered days while the sadistic Jim Gukert will manhandle the press on odd numbered days.
And just for old times sake let me once again adopt my unconvincing mock forthrightness and state that it is the President's perogative to decide who should serve as press secretary and he has decidified that Gunkcannon, as the President is fond of calling him, should be a good fit for the current crisis driven environment at the Whitehouse. Thank you.
McClellan requested that further inquiries be directed to his deputy, Irv Hadenoff.