Dear Howard B. Dean,
Tired of having your spouse dragged through the mud of the political process when all she really wants to do is live her own life? Good news! We are pleased to announce that CampaignWife.com is now offering a special lease rate on our deluxe political spouse unit for the durection of this important election season.
Our deluxe model, currently in stock, comes complete with:
- Permanent waxy smile, extra white;
- Non-controversial career (your choice of teacher, librarian, or patron of poor little brown children);
- Five distinct gazes of love and adoration;
- Wardrobe of American-made business suits and goodie shoes;
- Harmless, consistent hairdo in mousy brown or non-intimidating blonde;
- Standard array of camera-friendly gestures: hands braided in lap, polite applause, classic prom queen wave, etc.
- Full catalog of easy-to-bake cookie recipes.
Guaranteed free of controversy, political ambition or sense of self. Sure to delight political pundits and other pontificating souless douchebags.
P.S. If you order now, we will include with your order two smiling, photogenic children to accompany you on the campaign trail.