Crossposted at SmokeyMonkey.org.
Oh bemoan the absense of the central bullshit detector! I have, I believe, reverse engineered a fairly basic version of the device. Here is my weak attempt at filling in for the Scotty Show.
As always, comments by the master ringleader are in bold, while comments by the press gaggle are in italics. The bullshit detector speaks in plain text (with some illustrations).
Ready?
Good afternoon, everyone. I've got a couple of announcements to make, and then some brief remarks, and then I'll be glad to go to your questions.
First of all, I have a statement from the President. "Claude Allen has been a trusted adviser since 2001. As Deputy Secretary of Health and Human Services, he worked to improve the health and welfare of all Americans. During the past year he has served as my top domestic policy advisor at the White House and has helped develop policies that will strengthen our nation's families, schools and communities. Claude is a good and compassionate man, and he has my deep respect and my gratitude. I thank him for his many years of principled and dedicated service to our country. Laura and I wish Claude and his family all the best."
And just a personal note, for all of us who have worked here closely with Claude, we have the highest respect for him, and we will certainly miss him. And we wish him all the best.
And secondly, I'd like to make an announcement on the President's schedule. The President will welcome President Saca of El Salvador to the White House on February 24th. The President looks forward to meeting with President Saca and to underscoring his appreciation for President Saca's leadership in the war on terrorism and promoting and defending democracy in the Western Hemisphere and beyond, and to expanding free trade and economic growth. The meeting will be an opportunity for the leaders of the United States and El Salvador, an important partner of the United States, to discuss continuing cooperation in areas of mutual interest.
Uh, huh. El Salvador has always been a valued ally.
1981 -- El Salvador. After a guerilla offensive against the government of El Salvador, additional U.S. military advisers were sent to El Salvador, bringing the total to approximately 55, to assist in training government forces in counterinsurgency.
And finally, I'd just like to reiterate some of what the President touched on earlier today. The top priority for the President is the safety and security of the American people. We remain engaged in an ongoing war on terrorism. The President is continuing to have a discussion with the American people about our efforts in the war on terrorism.
We are vitiating every law that we can in order to use it like the traditional media tools that we are used to using. We have the complete backing of the tools in the Department of Justice to continue referring to laws that we continue to violate as 'tools'. I believe we've made ourselves clear on this before.
Today the President wanted to provide the American people with an update on the broader war on terrorism. He has more recently been talking about our strategy for victory in Iraq, and today was an opportunity to talk about the broader war on terrorism. We're acting on all fronts -- military, intelligence, law enforcement, diplomatic and financial; we're using all tools, both international and national, within our power -- to disrupt plots, prevent attacks and bring the terrorists to justice.
BWOT? I thought it was GWOT. No?
The President wanted to highlight today the strong international cooperation in the war on terrorism [SIC-WOT]. All nations have a stake, and all nations have a role to play. As the President mentioned, we now have more than 90 nations that are participating in the global efforts to win the war on terrorism [NTAP-GETWWOT] by cracking down on terrorist financing, by going after the terrorists and working to bring them to justice.
Head... Hurting... Already... Dammit... The bullshit detector is already smoking and I haven't even gotten to questions yet.
Terrorism is a global threat. It requires a global response. Today's speech talked about how we are partnering with many nations to break up terrorist networks and prevent attacks. We are also, as we talk to the American people about the progress in the war on terrorism, we are always looking for ways to keep the American people informed and provide greater understanding about the threat we face and the kind of global effort that is required to confront the threat.
The President today cited a specific example of a plot that was disrupted. He talked about our efforts, working in partnership with international partners, to disrupt a plot in which al Qaeda planned to hijack planes and attack the West Coast. And you heard more from the President. Then you had additional information from our Homeland Security Advisor about that plot.
Again, I would just reemphasize what the President said earlier. We are winning the war on terrorism. The terrorists are under a lot of pressure. They are frustrated and on the run, because we are taking the fight to the terrorists. But they are a sophisticated, lethal, and determined enemy that wants to strike America again. The President made it clear that he will not wait to be hit again. We must, and we will, continue doing everything within our power to protect the American people.
And with that, I will be glad to go to your questions. Terry.
Scott, why did the President change his mind and decide to expand the briefings in Congress about the NSA surveillance program and include more members, rather than just limit it to the handful?
Well, first of all, we've made it clear that we want to continue working with Congress. As you might recall, we had briefed members of Congress, congressional leaders, on this important terrorist surveillance program more than a dozen times over the course of the last few years.
Of course, none of them agreed it was legal, including the FISA court preciding judge that we really should be consulting about such "tools", but... what the hell... we're the executive branch.
This is a vital tool that is aimed at detecting and preventing attacks against the United States. It's focused on al Qaeda, international al Qaeda communications, some of what the President talked about today in his remarks. And the President indicated previously that he would resist any efforts that would compromise this vital program. But we want to continue listening to ideas that are out there. The way that I would describe it is that there is a high bar to overcome for such ideas. But we will continue working with members of Congress as we move forward.
In other words, we told the few people in Congress that we could trust to keep their mouths shut that if they didn't keep their mouths shut we would put them behind bars (in foreign countries where laws apply even less than in this country).
I'm sorry, I was jumping to another question here.
But the question remains, why did he decide to brief -- allow more members of Congress to be briefed, rather than -- I think it was just eight members, now it's a much broader number -- why?
Well, these are -- and I would dispute some of the characterization because, keep in mind, these are highly classified --
What?
Well, some of the characterization that is in the press about how it was --
You're not talking about my question?
No. These are highly classified briefings for the full intelligence committees, and they are designed to talk about how this terrorist surveillance program works. We wanted to provide additional information so that members of the Intelligence Committee had a better understanding of how this program is carefully tailored and it's closely monitored.
Since we were caught violating every article of FISA, we figured we would at least extend the invitation to be rendered by talking about this "program" (not tool, haha, I love to fuck with you guys) to the rest of the Intelligence Committee [mumbles something like, because we are supposed to by FISA law].
Can I ask you a question about the timing of the speech today? Why now, given the ongoing discussion that is taking place about tactics in fighting the war on terror, why did the President seek to disclose the details today, specifically?
Well, for the reasons I just stated. This is a speech that we have been working on for the last few weeks. The President has been having an ongoing discussion with the American people about the war on terrorism. This is the nation's highest priority. It's the President's top priority. It's about protecting the American people. And we're always looking for ways to inform the American people about our efforts and provide them additional information.
In fact, we have responded to numerous requests for information with the following continuously available message:
But is it just a coincidence? You had February 6th circled on the calendar for the hearings, the NSA hearings. Is it just a pure coincidence that this comes out today?
Well, you're talking about the -- let me mention, the terrorist surveillance program is a vital program, and it's been a very valuable tool. I'm not going to get into discussing any of the tools that may have been used when it comes to disrupting this plot. We provided you some additional information about this plot. But the purpose of this speech is the way I stated it. And I would discourage you from suggesting otherwise.
Scotty, you are, indeed, very discouraging. You just blew up my very simple bullshit detector. You know what, I can pick out the bullshit myself from your crap!
Segway! It's time for the Helen segway segment!
Go ahead, Helen. Come to you, Martha, next.
You -- this is supposed to be a war on terrorism, and by his own admission, the President has said there's been -- there was no link between Iraq and terrorists. So why are we still in Iraq killing and being killed?
Well, I think the President talked about it earlier today. The stakes are high in Iraq. And he talked about where we are focused --
-- why were they high --
Helen, are you high again? I thought you laid off that shit about 20 years ago.
Well, Iraq is the central front in the war on terrorism. All you have to do is look at the letter that Zawahiri sent to Zarqawi. They recognize how high the stakes are. So do we. And we must continue to move forward on the plan we have for victory. That's why we're focused on --
Why did you go into Iraq?
Big Snip... You have heard Helen before, right? Keep it up, Helen, we love you!
Go ahead, Martha.
Scott, the National Journal is reporting that Scooter Libby has testified that Vice President Cheney authorized him to release classified material involving the National Intelligence Estimate and Iraq. Do you know anything about that?
I heard about this story earlier today, but I think you know our policy when it comes to this ongoing legal proceeding, and it hasn't changed.
Do you know anything about any authorization to release any classified material --
Well, again, our policy is we're not going to discuss this while it's an ongoing legal proceeding, and that remains our policy.
Duh, have you not been around? Our policy is to only support politically expedient causes and to give the following response to the rest:
[snip]On another subject, Kofi Annan says that he wants to ask the President next week for troops and equipment for Darfur. Has the administration's views on that changed at all? Are you more willing to consider that?
Let me check and see if there's an additional update on that. Obviously, Sudan and the Darfur region is a high priority for this administration. It's something that we have led the way on and pushed the international community to address. And Secretary General Annan is someone who is committed to addressing it, as well. That's why we supported helping get the African Union forces in there, and I think we've continued to work with the international community on how best to address the situation moving forward. And I'll just see if there's any additional update. I don't have it at this point.
I have succeeded in putting out the fire on the bullshit detector, but there is no way I'm going to risk feeding it that line of crap.
On the subject of information-sharing, the Mayor of Los Angeles, Mr. Villaraigosa, today is complaining that he got no notification at all that the President planned to disclose this information about an alleged attack plot on his city. In fact, he said, "I'm amazed the President would make this announcement on national television and not inform us of the details through appropriate channels." Insofar as you said earlier that the White House is always looking for ways to inform the American people and keep them up to speed, why disclose the details of a plot that's now four years old?
Well, Carl, first of all, in terms of -- I haven't seen what the Mayor said, I've been in meetings with the President, so I'll take a look at that. But my understanding was that we did reach out to officials in California and Los Angeles to let them know, I think it was yesterday, that the President would be talking about this. And the word I heard was that there was great appreciation for the notification that we provided. That's very important.
Well, Carl, I did drink my Kool-Aid this morning, and I think you just didn't get yours. This was obviously something that happened, and it is just irresponsible to assume that the President would be incompetent enough to not inform the mayor of a city that was the target of a known terrorist attack. I mean, come on, Carl.
Last question, on the "every tool possible," is the President prepared to sign a reauthorization of the Patriot Act that in any way diminishes the 16 components of the Patriot Act that are set to sunset?
Well, let me address it this way. ...vital tool... ...helped to break down a wall... ...share vital intelligence... ...connect dots and disrupt plots... It helps to save lives.
I didn't know Scotty was such a poet. Does anyone know who writes this shit for him?
One other question. It's still the belief of the White House that, as Karl Rove stated a few weeks ago, that this issue works well politically for Republicans, that the NSA program, the more it's discussed, the more it helps Republicans?
Well, the NSA terrorist surveillance program is a vital tool. It has been a valuable tool in helping us to protect the American people. General Hayden has talked about it; Director Negroponte has talked about it. These are our top intelligence officials. I think Director Mueller talked about it in testimony last week, as well. It has been a successful program, and it is one tool in the whole tool box that we have available to us to help prevent attacks.
Well, the program is a vital tool. It has been a tool. One of our tools has talked about it. Another of our tools talked about it. I think tools of the administration have talked about it as lately as last week. I'm a tool and I continue to talk about how this is just one tool in the whole toolbox.
Scott, does the President think it's appropriate to force feed prisoners at Guantanamo?
Well, Mark, I think that the President, what he did, was issue a directive to the military that all detainees be treated humanely, and that's what we expect.
Mark, you dork, we have to torture people to get intelligence that we don't get from our other illegal programs. Are you just an idiot, or are you truly unAmerican?
And force feeding that apparently has taken place there has taken place within those guidelines? He's satisfied about that?
Well, I think that you've heard from military commanders about the steps that they are taking. And I think they describe it in a way that is humane and compassionate.
Obviously, we will take our cue from the commanders on the ground, and the commanders on the ground have overwhelmingly (when left to their own devices) decided that torturing is the way to go. Next question.
Then you know that one of the prisoners there has called it torture and thinks he's being abused?
Well, yes, we know that al Qaeda is trained in trying to make wild accusations, and so forth. But the President has made it very clear what the policy is, and we expect the policy to be followed. And he's made it very clear that we do not condone torture, and we do not engage in torture. That has been our policy and that remains our policy. We are a nation of laws and values, and we follow them.
Blah, blah, I said next question.
Thank you. Is the President considering canceling his visit to Pakistan because of the Muslims civic riots over the cartoons?
I think the President expressed our views yesterday. I've been expressing them as well, prior to that, regarding the cartoon controversy. The President looks forward to going to India. He looks forward to going to Pakistan. We are making arrangements for that trip, and that will be in a few weeks. Thank you.
It will take a few weeks to eradicate everyone along the path that the President will take, but we are making progress and we will visit that area of the world at some point.
SmokeyMonkey says: Thank you for your time!