My work as an historioranter occasionally leads me to visit some of the loonier extremes of the Internet – the chat rooms with the padded walls and such – but one ballot cast in Minnesota during the latest election sent me further into the weirdness than did even Apocalypse 2012! I have no idea if the guy who voted for "Lizard People" knew what he was favoring, but if even a smidgen of the stuff I've learned about historical Lizard People is for real, then casting a ballot on their behalf is no joke. It could, in fact, signal a whole new offensive in the long-running saurian plot to dominate the Earth and enslave the human race...
Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight we'll have a look at the elusive reptilians who (according to some) form the dark, Chenyian part of our shadow government; we'll dare to go to those places that even Mulders fear to tread. To that end, I'd recommend doubling up the amount of tinfoil you're using for your hat – or perhaps graduating to an aluminum-lined football helmet – before proceeding.
As the great wargamer Moody Loner or the mighty wordsmith Swordsmith - or really, any Dungeons & Dragons-playing Kossack - could tell you, "Lizard Men" ("lizardfolk," in the more-PC newer editions) are a race of intelligent, humanoid reptiles with primitive societies that usually serve as cannon fodder for adventurers fighting their way toward the Temple of the Evil High Priest located in the ruins at the heart of the Great Dismal Swamp. They're also entirely fictitious, but that doesn't stop the gamer from imagining that 8-foot tall, trident-wielding reptiles are part of some dark lord's devious and wholly evil plot to enslave the world.
But, whispers the conspiracy theorist, how "fictitious" are they? Why is it that bipedal saurians are so easy for us modern types, gamers and standard human alike, to envisage? Is it because we've all seen Captain Kirk fighting this guy
at some point since 1967, when the classic episode Arena first aired? Or is it because of the various Swamp Things – the Thetis Lake Monster in British Columbia would seem to be one of these – or James-Earl-Joneses-as-the-Gropeinator's-enemy we've seen in other movies?
...or is it because Photoshoppers have conjured up images some of us find to be distressingly close to the mark?
Or is it something more nefarious, more sinister? A fear that goes back in our genetic memory for longer than our species has had fur, a dim recollection of being small and scrawny in a world filled with T. Rexs, perhaps, or maybe a dim recollection of being small and furry and scrawny, living in holes randomly raided by our reptilian rivals?
And if there are intelligent sauropods even now living in concealment in our midst, how long have they been here? Did they evolve from dinosaur stock, or are they more recent, interstellar immigrants? Have they been amongst our species since we first started living in towns and planting crops, deviously presenting themselves as gods and, much later, assuming control of the royal houses of Europe and the United States? Most pressingly, has the occupant of the White House for the past eight years actually been a 7-foot shapeshifting reptilian humanoid with a taste for people?
Historiorant: And isn't this entire style of argument-by-leading-question annoying? Conspiracy theorists seem to favor it, as they can manipulate the line of questioning in such a way as to get the quentionee to state an opinion the theorist was already espousing. Just wanted to give you a taste of the sort of stuff I was reading to research this piece.
There have been some attempts to link Lizard People with the way-pre-human gods of the Cthulhu mythos, but this strains credulity beyond the point that even most hardcore conspiracists can endure. Cthulu, et al, was a creation of the impressively demented H.P. Lovecraft, so unless one is willing to believe that an author writing in the 1920s and 30s was transmitting actual forgotten lore through his copy of the Necronomicon (which he also invented, though the rather elaborate tale in the linked site denies this), it doesn't really follow that the repitilians who haunt our government are descended from Hastur, Azathoth, or any of the other more oceanically-inclined deities of Lovecraft's pantheon.
That's not to say that ancient humans didn't have a thing for lizards, though – many cultures (some would say a suspiciously large number of them) had gods that were either reptiles or some sort of human/reptile hybrid. Likely the most famous, if not the most ancient, of these was the Mesoamerican deity known as Quetzalcoatl to the Aztecs, Gucumatz to the Toltecs, and Kukulkan among the Maya. Check out this apparently-benign description of the god from Encyclopedia Mythica:
Quetzalcoatl -- "Feathered Snake". One of the major deities of the Aztec, Toltecs, and other Middle American peoples. He is the creator sky-god and wise legislator. He organized the original cosmos and participated in the creation and destruction of various world periods. Quetzalcoatl ruled the fifth world cycle and created the humans of that cycle. The story goes that he descended to Mictlan, the underworld, and gathered the bones of the human beings of the previous epochs. Upon his return, he sprinkled his own blood upon these bones and fashioned thus the humans of the new era. He is also a god of the wind (the wind-god Ehecatl is one of his forms), as well as a water-god and fertility-god.
Note the subterranean influences, which in Maya and many other native mythos of the Western Hemisphere go much deeper than gods simply entering caves to gather bones – to the Hopi, snakes were messengers who carried pleas for rain to the gods who dwelt in the underworld. Also of interest to the prospective reptilexorcist would be Quetzalcoatl's status as an imperial living god, and the use of blood in what might be understood to represent genetic engineering (or possibly even creating an army of zombies).
Building on the influences of the ancient Egyptians and their crocodile gods, Europeans have their own lizards (or at least, part-lizards) lost in the mists of history, too. Kekrops, the legendary founder of Athens, was half snake, as was Boreas, the Greek god of the North Wind. Like many cultures in Eurasia, the Europeans described dragons, but these very rarely, if ever, took on a humanoid form.
Asian dragons are more likely to shapeshift, but if they do appear as bipeds, it's usually as a full-blown human rather than a hybrid; though this is in keeping with some of the latest theories on reptilian infiltration of our government, closer to the standard view of Lizard People as scaly (or sometimes shelled) humanoids would be the Japanese river imps known as Kappa. India has a slightly different take on the semi-aquatic reptile/human; her scholars have been describing the serpentine water spirits known as Nagas and their interactions with humans for many, many centuries.
God wasn't the first god to warn a people to steer clear of reptiles, but He did lay down the law a little more clearly than some of the earlier, more polytheistic-minded lords. Leviticus, having defined "creeping things that creep," goes on to admonish:
Leviticus 11:20 -- All winged creeping things that go upon all fours are an abomination unto you.
Leviticus 11:21 -- Yet you may eat these: of all winged creeping things that go on all fours, which have legs above their feet, with which to hop on the earth.
Leviticus 11:23 -- But all winged creeping things which have four feet, are an abomination to you.
Leviticus 11:42 -- Whatever goes on its belly, and whatever goes on all fours, or whatever has many feet, even all creeping things that creep on the earth, them you shall not eat; for they are an abomination.
Leviticus 11:43 -- You shall not make yourselves abominable with any creeping thing that creeps, neither shall you make yourselves unclean with them, that you should be defiled thereby.
Leviticus 11:44 -- For I am Yahweh your God. Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be holy; for I am holy: neither shall you defile yourselves with any kind of creeping thing that moves on the earth.
Leviticus 22:5 -- or whoever touches any creeping thing, whereby he may be made unclean, or a man of whom he may take uncleanness, whatever uncleanness he has;
Did that Bible just tell me not to have sex with lizards? Well, that does kinda ruin my Tuesday night plans, but maybe I can use the extra time to ponder why God would need to make so many rules regarding the separation of man and creeping things that creep on the earth. Elsewhere in the Old Testament, there arises the issue of the serpent in the Garden of Eden – a warning through the ages, perhaps, that we should steer clear of the duplicitous lies of the belly-crawling dust-eaters?
In the ever-melding worlds of thought swirling around the Middle East and North Africa, elements of one tribe's mythology often became part of another's as a result of war, trade, assimilation, or any of those other sociological things that happen in borderlands and crossroads. So it is that other aspects of the Lizard People mythos might come from ancient sources far afield: the Babylonian creation story has much to do with the dragon Tiamat, for example, and the Dogon tribe, the members of which live in the cliffs of Mali and Burkina Faso, has long been rumored to possess secret knowledge regarding ancient visitors from the Sirius star system. These apparently bore some resemblance to beings from Sumerian mythology known as the Anunnaki, but really, if you're going to talk African reptile/human hybrids, it's the Chitauri you're after. The linked site (infovault.com) describes "Chitauri" as
...a term of African Bantu/Nguni linguistic origin, used to describe shape-shifting reptoids, 'the family of the Serpent', believed to exist in parallel with man, 'the children of Adam'. Though this theme is prevalent within the oral and written traditions of several cultures, the use of this word to describe this phenomenon is common in the work of Zulu elder Vusamazulu Credo Mutwa... The Chitauri are a proposed race of intelligent, supernatural, or highly developed reptile-like humanoids in mythology, popular fiction, pseudoscientific theories and in the writings of New Age conspiracists.
I could go on all night about reptiles in the pantheons of the ancients, but instead I'll just leave you with one little project before we move on to modern reptoids. First, consider the following:
1 When men began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them, 2 the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose. 3 Then the LORD said, "My Spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years."
4 The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.
5 The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. 6 The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. 7 So the LORD said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth—men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air—for I am grieved that I have made them." 8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD.
...then, discuss the meaning of the word "Nephilim" in the passage above, as it pertains to conspiracy theorists trying to prove that humans and reptilians have been interbreeding since near the dawn of time.
Historiorant: Much as I'd like to include them, most of the images related to modern reptoids/aliens/conspiracy/etc are under copyright. Accordingly, there aren't a whole lot of pictures in the pages ahead, but I've tried to make up for it with some really juicy blockquotes. Many of the sites to which I link contain images, but I need to insert a disclaimer here to remind readers that inclusion of a link in this report doesn't necessarily imply my support of the individual site, its scholarship, or theories it presents; ditto and more for sites linked by sites I link (i.e., 2nd- and 3rd-generation links). "Conspiracy Theories," whether based on reptiles, aliens, or secret organizations, can get both paranoid and anti-Semitic, and I can't promise that readers who click on some of the links in the sections below won't be confronted with something that offends.
The ubiquity of reptiles in ancient lore has led some modern theorists to speculate that perhaps some branch of the dinosaur family were actually the first species on this planet to evolve intelligence. In 1982, paleontologist Dale Russell performed a controversial thought experiment regarding what would have happened if a species of dinosaur – the raptor-like Troodon - had survived the dinosaur's great Extinction by Meteorite 60 million years ago (or, around the time of ancient Babylon, if you're a Palinite).
Considered by some to be the most intelligent of the dinosaurs, Russell theorized that Troodon would have evolved into a human-like form he termed "Dinosauroids." The results were more than a little anthropomorphic, and Russell – who had been among the first paleontologists to speculate on an extra terrestrially-originated mass extinction event (though he was thinking supernova, not meteorite) – found himself on the defensive. Here he is in a 2000 interview with Dinosaur World:
The "dinosauroid" was a thought experiment, based on an observable, general trend toward larger relative brain size in terrestrial vertebrates through geologic time, and the energetic efficiency of an upright posture in slow-moving, bipedal animals. It seems to me that such speculation remains acceptable, particularly if directed toward non-anthropoid anatomical configurations. However, I very nearly decided not to publish the exercise because of the damaging effects it might have had on the credibility of my work in general. Most people remained polite, although there were hostile reactions from those with "ultra-quantitative" and "ultra-intuitive" world views.
Nonetheless, others have picked up Russell's ball and run with it. Intelligent dinosaurs are discussed at Anthroposaurus Sapiens, and this guy has gone so far as to speculate on what dinosauroid-created art would look like (and sell for). Another interesting theory regarding evolved dinosaurs was presented in the Star Trek: Voyager episode Distant Origin (1997): hadrosaurs had evolved to intelligence on Earth, become spacefaring, then left the planet en masse when threatened with extinction.
There is some interesting work in the field of psychology regarding how our thought processes occasionally tap into the deep recesses of our ancient reptilian brains, and how these relate to things like alien abductions and sightings of little grey men. In the 1998 article The Symbolism of UFOs and Aliens, researcher John Fraim asserts
Jung came to the conclusion that UFOs were examples of the phenomena of synchronicity where external events mirror internal psychic states... But in the end, aliens are really modern Americans and our feelings of alienation. As (political scientist professor Jodi) Dean says, "We have too much data, but not enough to make any decisions because we are uncertain about the contexts and networks into which we might integrate this information. Enabled by technology we become aliens, connected outside the state." And, just as often, "we're abducted by the same technology." In this strange new world, Dean notes that our neighbors are aliens. "Assimilation has been discredited as an ideal, and multiculturalism hasn't become much more than a marketing strategy...Better to forget the neighbors, go inside, and enjoy cyber-citizenship on the World Wide Web." And alien abduction, notes Dean, "narrates the predominant experience of the familiarity of strangeness in the techno-global information age."
But what if the aliens aren't simply figments of our imaginations? What if they're not just an updated version of medieval demons or Victorian vampires, and are actual (well, cloned) flesh and blood?
There is some speculation – but hardly anything approaching consensus – that the aliens depicted most often in popular culture, the "Roswell Greys," are actually a repitilian race. Proponents of this interpretation call the race "Reptoids," though there are those who consider reptoids to be an entirely different species who either work with the Greys or who oppose them, again depending on who you're talking to. Though reptoids were being described as early as 1967 – the first appearance of a "winged dragon" emblem on the uniform of the otherwise garden-variety grey abductor types – it wasn't until 1997, when researcher John Rhodes founded Reptoids.com, that information linking the two species began to be widely disseminated.
Rhodes' reptoids belong to the "evolved dinosaur" camp – he reasons that since some strains of dinosaurs survived the mass extinctions to become birds, others could well have developed intelligence and, eventually, civilization, which they'd taken to hiding by the time H. sapiens evolved along. The site's FAQ hints at where we might find them now:
Areas Favoring Specific Geological Formations
Reptoids are suspected of living in geologically remote areas where Gravity Anomaly Maps (inverse topographical maps) indicate the presence of empty underground space. There appears to be a higher than normal percentage of reptoid sightings in places containing ancient volcanic 'Tuffa' (soft volcanic ash beds,) limestone, karst and sandstone (Missouri, Arkansas, Arizona, California etc.)
Since vertical separation is also a factor when considering geological "remoteness," there stands a chance that some of surface humanities concentrated populations may overlap deep subsurface cryptid (reptoid) populations (we may have entire communities of old and young right under our very feet!)
Near Their Antarctic Origins
Antarctica or Polar Gondwana appears to be the location where the intelligent saurian root may have evolved for reasons addressed at length on this site.
Besides the paleontological evidence directing our attention to Antarctica, many intriguing historical facts point towards the icy, mountainous continent as a place of great mystery and unusual activities.
The issue of reptilian tunnels is a recurring one, and goes a long way back: among other case studies, Rhodes' site presents an LA Times article from 1934 entitled Lizard People's Catacomb City Hunted. It describes the exploits of one G. Warren Shufelt, a mining engineer who had been told by a Native American shaman that the Lizard People had left a stash of golden tablets in a series of caverns and tunnels beneath Los Angeles, and who was currently conducting excavations around the city. He claimed to have remotely located over 30 4'x14" golden tablets using a dowsing rod he called a "radio X-ray," and, according to Haunted Baseball: Ghosts, Curses, Legends, and Eerie Events,
So persuasive was Shufelt that he was granted a permit by the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors to dig one thousand feet into the earth on Ft. Moore Hill, overlooking Sunset Boulevard. Shortly after the story broke sensationally on the front page of the Times and other media outlets, the supervisors mysteriously revoked Shufelt's contract and bulldozed the excavation area. The story fell out of the news and Shufelt vanished from public view.
As early as 1994, Rhodes was publishing articles on the reptoid threat; two years later, he pinpointed the location one of their bases near the northern New Mexico hamlet of Dulce:
In the early 1960's, a subterranean nuclear blast occurred about 30 miles southwest of Dulce, New Mexico, right off of U.S. 64. This nuclear blast was conducted under the umbrella of project Plowshare, and was named Gassbuggy.
It has recently been alleged that this particular subsurface nuclear blast was used to create a hollowed out chute or chimney for development of a substation for a super-secret tunnel system attached to an underground black book project base.
According to Thomas Castello, a former Dulce base security officer -- this particular under-world city is a highly secret base operated by humans as well as reptilian aliens and their worker cast, the commonly encountered grays.
It is here, apparently, that a multitude of experimentation projects are carried out. Primarily genetic experiments on kidnapped men, women, and children.
There are a myriad of other specialty science projects taking place at the Dulce base including, but not limited to: Atomic manipulation, cloning, studies of the human aura, advanced mind control applications, animal/human crossbreeding, visual and audio wiretapping, the list goes on...
Probing Deeper Into The Dulce 'Enigma', John Rhodes, 1996
Travel between these bases is apparently conducted by high-speed train – and I do mean high-speed: Rhodes cites a 1972 Rand Corporation report that talks about underground trains that would take 21 minutes to transit between New York and Los Angeles (about 14,000 mph). According to the article, which has links to some patents for tunnel-boring devices and a 1972 Times piece on the plausibility of mega-high-speed rail, the technology for its construction existed in the early 70s. Now, nearly 40 years later, Rhodes states,
According to numerous eyewitnesses and former government employees, the system already exists and is currently being used by the Shadow government, their black ops forces, plus favored corporate entities.
The saurian races in David Icke's (please reread disclaimer above before clicking link to Icke's homepage) universe share some of the same traits as those in Rhodes', but are in several important ways markedly different. Icke (rhymes with "like"), who enjoyed careers and stints as a BBC journalist and a professional soccer player before turning to exposing earth-usurping secret cabals full-time, describes reptoids as long-ago immigrants from a planet in the Alpha Draconia system. He also describes them as being seven feet tall and able to shapeshift into fully human form, provided they have human blood to drink. Even worse than that: they, their hybrids, and the human Illuminati in league with them long ago took control of virtually every mechanism of political, economic, and social power in the world. In a 1999 interview promoting his book, The Biggest Secret, Icke lays out the gravity of the situation:
So, The Biggest Secret for me, in summary, is that an extraterrestrial race has interbred with humanity, creating particular hybrid bloodlines which they can work through from this dimension very close to ours, and that as it expanded over the thousands and hundreds of years to the present day, they've managed to expand their power out of a power base in the Near and Middle East, other places too but particularly there, until today they are actually in control of the planet.
And it is the ultimate control because they're controlling the planet from another dimension, but most of humanity doesn't even think that there are other dimensions. And this suppression of knowledge about other dimensions, the suppression of knowledge of the nature of life, the nature of frequencies and vibrations, and the eternal nature of consciousness, for reasons that this Illuminati has created religions to suppress-indeed, make so off-limits for many thousands of years just talking about these things-is to suppress the very knowledge or even perception that there could be any other dimension or any other levels of life, which means that they can go on controlling humanity from levels of existence that most of humanity doesn't even accept exist. I mean, you can't get better forms of control than that...And by this manipulation of always being at the top of the pyramids-the pyramids of banking, the pyramids of politics, the pyramids of business, the pyramids of medicine, and all this stuff-they have created a situation in which they sit atop these compartmentalized pyramids and get the vast majority of humanity to advance their agenda without most of them even realizing there is an agenda being advanced.
Elsewhere in the same interview, Icke asserts
(author and MK-ULTRA victim Cathy O'Brien) talks about being with George Bush, and him saying that they were an extraterrestrial race that came from a "far off space place" who'd taken over the world, and no one realized it because they look human. But, she said, he changed in front of her into a reptile. She talked about being with the Bennett brothers, these politicians, political figures in America, and how they put her through a mind-control program in which they said they came from another dimension and they were inter-dimensional beings.
well, okay. Maybe.
Icke has made similar accusations regarding the royal family of England, and claims that a confidant of Princess Diana told him that the Princess had told her that the royals were, in fact, shapeshifting reptilians. He traces this influence back to William of Orange, who he believes moved suspiciously quickly in reorganizing England's finances after being Restored to the throne in the 1680s, and thence to virtually every royal line in Europe.
...and, perhaps most disturbingly, from a multidimensional point of view:
So, there is something in all of this which holds the key to understanding so much about how the world has been controlled, where this world is actually controlled from, and I would strongly suggest that what we are looking at with the Kissingers and the Bushs and the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds and all these people, are actually the three-dimensional, physical expressions of a lower-fourth-dimensional consciousness and manipulation. And the physical Illuminati are merely the three-dimensional expression of the fourth-dimensional control of planet Earth.
Others have taken Icke's ideas and elaborated on them in great detail - The Reptilian Agenda casts a much more detailed view of lizard society than the one I've sketched out here:
THE DRACONIAN EMPIRE - Originally stemming from an ancient Alpha Draconian Antarctican (Terran) Empire of non-humanoids, the Draconian Empire is made up of several reptilian species including the winged draco (pterosaurians, "mothmen", or winged serpents); the tall Reptilioids who control various smaller reptilian "gray" species which reproduce via polyembryony, egg hatcheries and/or cloning; a particularly malevolent iguana-like dark-skinned sorcerer-priest class that is often seen wearing hooded robes and stands about 5 ft. tall; and a shorter 4-5 ft. tall race of reptilian-amphibians that have been described as appearing like "frog faced lizards". Often a Nordic (mind- slave) is seen in the company of several of these "Reptoads" (for lack of a better word) especially during breeding experiments with human abductees. One "Aghartan" tradition described by Maurice Doreal [who, BTW, discovered and translated the alleged "Emerald Tablets" of Thoth, a Colorado metaphysician who claimed contact with the neo-Mayan residents of Mt. Shasta (who are in turn part of the Aghartan "Silver Fleet" Alliance), stated that he observed the hidden history of the earth in a secret library-repository below the Himalayas. The crystal-holographic recordings that he was shown revealed the existence of an ancient race of pre-Scandinavians who in alliance with a race of human giants dwelt at the center of a powerful civilization based on a large island in the midst of an inland sea where the Gobi desert now lies. These blond-haired, blue-eyed "Nordics" along with their larger "Nephelim" friends waged an intense warfare with a race of Reptilian hominoids based in Antarctica...
As a New Ager with a profound sense of the worst sort of libertarian paranoia, Icke faces a bit of a marketing problem. He's obviously been courting the right wing – check out his
take on the upcoming Obama presidency, if you don't believe me – but even though his theories on the New World Order have their appeal, not all that many of them seem to be buying his whole transdimensional lycanthropic saurian thing. There is some salvation possible, however: Patrick Bellringer, who also believes Bush is a reptilian, thinks that the National Economic Security And Reformation Act - a law that's been on the books in secret since March, 2000, but has yet to be implemented – will spell the end of our enslavement at the hands of the saurians. Bellringer apparently knows some of the same people we do, and has what might even be an alternate theory as to the origin of the Kos name:
KOS, the King of Swords or the King, is a Vietnam veteran of high Delta Force standing. He commands the White Knights of the world as well as Faction Three, who are also Delta Force. KOS works directly under the authority of St. Germain and has given much assistance to Mother Sekhmet in the removal of the darkside from planet Earth at this time. The King of Swords' top two Delta Force commanders are called the Alien Hunter and Terry the Terrible.
So if Markos is the King Of Swords, the Alien Hunter and Terry the Terrible must be...?
I could go on (and on, and on...) here about some of the more extreme adherents to theories about Lizard People, but you've already wasted twenty or more minutes reading about shapeshifting reptiles that want to take over the world, so I'll go ahead and close the discussion here. Yeah, I know I didn't talk about Area 51, the Men in Black, or the Nazi-UFO connection, and even Roswell only got a passing mention – really, the can of worms labeled "Conspiracy Theory" is a huge one, and I wanted to keep what focus I can on the saurians. Folks interested in pursuing further research on other aspects of New Agey thought and theory might want to start at Crystalinks - or just wait for a future "History for Kossacks" devoted exclusively to the aliens (assuming I don't get banned for all the c/t in this one).
Why is a study of the Lizard People important at this juncture – and more importantly, why was reading this diary not a waste of your time? Well, unless Icke and his ilk are correct (kind of a longshot), it probably would be – except that the occasional mention of the plans of the reptilians makes its way into popular discourse. That was the case, of course, in the elections of 2008, when a single vote cast for the Lizard People resulted in a couple of days of national buzz. It also resulted in the expenditure of considerable verbiage: here's about ten minutes' worth of the Citizens of Minnesota discussing with great earnestness the existence of Lizard People, during which Jesse Ventura's status as a human is examined, as is the noodly presence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:
The douchebag who cast his vote for the Lizard People bellied up to the spotlight for his Warhol Allotment in late November, complete with the obligatory handwriting sample and Dad's expert testimony:
"The handwriting is mine, hands down. Even my dad saw it, and he's like that is your handwriting, there is no doubt about it. I think it would be pretty easy to, with my handwriting sample, to prove it was mine," said Davenport.
He says people who are hoping to blame the loss of their candidate on his thrown out ballot are missing the point. He says it's his right to exercise free choice, as well.
"Because you don't have to vote. It's not mandatory. And I think that I have the right to vote for anybody I wish, even if it's a made up candidate or even myself, if I wanted to write that in," said Davenport.
Why would someone vote for the Lizard People?, Jessica Mador, Minnesota Public Radio, November 24, 2008
Well. All's I can say is, thank God our republic is constructed upon a foundation of such men – those with the principled conviction to do whatever the f*ck they want, dude, whenever the f*ck they want. Viva Gen Y, and have the happiest of lizard-people-free New Years.
UPDATE: From the Credit Where Credit's Due Department - I'm hardly the first Kossack to detail the threat posed by the Lizard People (or, for that matter, to dive off the conspiratorial deep end). Our own DemocraticLuntz had a slightly different take on the reptilians on December 27: The Lizard People are the Solution to the Israel/Palestine Conflict.
Historically hip entrances to the Cave of the Moonbat can be found at Daily Kos, Never In Our Names, Bits of News, Progressive Historians, and DocuDharma.