I've read a lot of diaries about Warren etc. I understand the anger. But I wanted to write this from a different perspective. I want to tell you what works for me.
I know and have read the facts and seen the polls. To reach equal Civil Rights in the Gay community will take a lot of work. Legislation, court battles. You name it, it will have to happen. But this diary isn't about that. This is about what has worked for me.
I'm going to keep it simple. It won't work for everone. It will work for many. It's worked for every single person I've ever used it on. There are some tough cases out there. In fact, one person who was a complete homophobe, but I love them to death, actually started a dialog with me. He came to be to me to ask questions. He even watched Brokeback Mountain and we had a conversation about it. I got a chance to explain some things to him and while he's not there yet, I'm sure he will be.
Anyway. Here's what I do:
- Start off slow. Listen to them. But don't let them get worked up. If they say they are against gay marriage, or say homosexuality is wrong, or disgusting or whatever. Let the say it. But don't let them start on a righteous rant. Once they state what they feel, cut them off. But do it by REPEATING what they said back to you. "So homosexuality disgusts you?" It turns you off? Or "The bible says homosexuality is wrong, so you feel that gay marriage is wrong?"
- Say you understand. But don't tell them they are wrong...yet. Commiserate. "Wow, I understand that you are really religious. I can really understand why you would feel that way." Or: "You know I can understand how you would think gay marriage may lead to the destruction of traditional marriage."
- Now. Here's the important part. Tell them they are wrong. But you have to do it in the right way. Hopefully, if you are nice enough they think you really understand them. Now you will help them with the transition.
--For the homophobe try this (for a male): "I want to ask you something. Let's say Brad Pitt (or Antonio Banderas, Denzel Washington) were to walk in the room, oiled up with a rose his mouth. The bed is nearby, romantic music playing, chocolate covered strawberrys on the bedside table...What would you feel?"
The answer is always some silly, "NOTHING. I'M A MAN."
My response. Exactly. You were born that way, weren't you? There's nothing Brad Pitt could do for you. Well, that's the same way homosexuals were are. Unlike you they are in the minority. But imagine someone tells you that your attraction for women, which you have always had, was wrong, and you should change to men. That's what people, and you, are saying to a gay person. So, if you can force yourself to enjoy chocolate covered strawberries with Brad Pitt, you should have a little compassion and understand for a gay person.
Now, you may need to adapt this one. The homophobe is difficult. But here, turning the tables, works. It depends on the person. Some are easier than the others. But, placing them in that situation works...reverse it for a female.
~~For the religious person. This one is more difficult, they may need multiple treatments. People tend to be firm here. "Hey, the bible has a lot of old rules. Homosexuality is mentioned less than eating shell fish. And then only in the Old Testament. We are not supposed to judge anyway. A true religious person would not want anyone to suffer or to have less of a life and chances than anyone else."
Keep this one simple. Tell them to pray about it! That you are sure God will led them to the truth, love for your fellow man is what matters. Not minor rules. Then ask them why Jesus stormed the temple. Ask them why Jesus was upset with the religious leaders. The answer: He was angry because they were so concerned with petty rules and outward appearance, instead of love and caring for their fellow human being.
~~For the one worried about traditional marriage. Ask them when was the last time a gay person destroyed a marriage. If the come back with some silliness about a person being in the closet, counter with, "well, that person was gay, and that isn't what you are talking about. Let's focus on traditional marriage. Two heterosexual people married. When was the last time you saw or heard about a gay couple wreaking a traditional marraiage. I follow this up with this question, "WHERE ARE ALL THESE COUPLES WHO WERE SPLIT UP BUY GAY MARRIAGE. I WANT TO KNOW HOW THEY PULLED THAT OFF!"
Follow this up by explaining that allowing gays to marry doesn't hurt anyone. No one is demanding entrance into their home or bedroom. What they would like are simple things: protection under marriage law, insurance coverage...the basics. Anyway, if gay marriage was such a horrible thing anyway, then Massachuettes wouldn't have any married couples, instead of having one of the lowest divorce rates in the world.
Now, they will try to distract you with other stuff...but it could lead to...STOP THEM. "Let's focus on Traditional Marriage. Because that is what you were concerned about..."
They will also argue about changing the definition of marriage. Explain to them that language changes. It always has and always will. If language didn't change we would still be speaking German. Tell them to look up Etymology. Keeping language static is no reason to stop people from having equal rights, friend.
So. There you have it. This is how you do it. I live in Texas recently so I have a great opportunity to use it. But boy is it fun to see a hard core Republican crumble!
This is what works for me. It doesnt' work on everyone. But there you have it. I also studied religion so I do have a bit an advantage there (Jesuit school and a minor, but not particularly religious myself.) but these things do tend to work. I hope I exlained it well. I just wanted to contribute something that was a action and something anyone can try.