I will be let go on February 28th. My boss, and very close co-worker were let go on Friday. We were the last of a 200-employee division of a huge national corporation in the housing industry. Most were let go last March. Ten of us were retained to shut down the division. The work was challenging, the hours were long and sometimes brutal, and we missed our co-workers terribly. We knew our days were numbered and it caused great anxiety but we were grateful to have our jobs. Now there are only 4 of us left and it is time.
I've been through corporate layoffs before. I spent 16 years and my husband spent 12 both in sales and marketing in Big Pharma, an industry where it is common. We were caught up numerous times in useless expansion, outrageous waste, and frequent downsizing. My husband has serious health problems and spent many of those years in and out of the ICU. We had the distinct advantage of seeing how the drug and insurance companies operate from the inside while enduring the disgustingly rapacious treatment they inflict upon their consumers - the sick and innocent. We had to get out.
My husband is now too sick to work. One of his many meds costs $10,000 per month. (You read that correctly. Ten grand.) Without health insurance, we can't pay for it, and he will have difficulty breathing. I don't need a job that pays a fortune. We've learned to live on little. I just still can't get over that in this country, health insurance is tied to employment, and that to obtain it, you must for the most part obtain a good, full time job. For my husband and me this is the case. My husband can't purchase a policy on his own because of pre-existing conditions. He's been turned down. For us, the answer is a full time job for me in a time when few jobs exist for any of us. Thus, the worry.
Last weekend, a client I was meeting with told me that her husband was laid off on Friday. She was distraught, and told me that they had no savings and were afraid they would lose their home. They are a young couple with three young boys. It was very upsetting for me, because her husband was one of my company's largest vendors. They had lost business due to my company's lack of business. I sympathized with her and offered my support.
On my hour-ride home, I'd become lost in deep contemplation and so distracted with worry that I sped through a snow drift about a mile from home. I lost complete control of my car, swung from one side of the road violently to the other, and spun around several times. I tried to prevent the car from flipping over. It was moving so fast! I could not stop it.
Terrified, I instinctively cried out, "Dear God, Please help me!" I repeated my cry.
At once, a quiet, calm voice inside, not my own, simply commanded me to take my hands off the wheel and my foot off the pedals. As I did, my car crossed over the road to the right lane, straightened itself out, and proceeded ahead normally. It was as if a giant hand had picked up my car and placed it back down. My heart was beating out of my chest, I placed my hands back on the wheel, and dazed, I realized that something outside of my control had just occurred. Shaking, I slowly crawled the mile home.
I pulled into the driveway, turned off the car and sat quietly for several minutes as I tried to make sense of what had just happened. I had almost killed myself in that car because I had become overwhelmed with worry and concern and wasn't paying attention.
I was raised in catholic schools through college, but I am spiritual rather than religious. I am not a bible thumper. I believe that the earth is a school, and that life is a journey, and that we come from and return to a spirit world beyond. I respect others' choices to believe what they will. I also believe that it is my faith that has pulled me through in tough times and that there are spirit guides beside us there to help.
I believe that when I cried out for help in that car last Saturday, that I received a wonderful gift in that moment - the jolting reminder that I am not alone, and that if I just hand my troubles over to God, that as before, we will be OK.