Good day, America, this is Michael Steele, head of the RNC. I come to you today in the spirit of bipartisanship to gauge your opinion of the new and improved GOP image. Therefore, without further ado, I'd like to unveil our new logo and mascot, The Lemming.
The New GOP party symbol
Despite tremendous loses in elections, dwindling support in polls and disastrous policies, we at the Republican Party know our ideas are perfect because they are our ideas and we think so. Therefore, in following with our proud GOP tradition, we call upon all real Americans to support the new mascot of our party, the most anti communist, anti terrorist and pro capitalism animal ever, the Lemming.
The competition we faced for a new symbol came down to The Lemming and these other worthy finalists.
. . . and then we decided to start off fresh, with the kind of change we believe in, in what I like to call the real America, so it came down to these choices.
- Yosemite Sam, representing the south on fair and balanced Fox news.
- Montgomery Burns, a long time GOP contributer, seen here with his younger, virile and red blooded supporters.
- The Monopoly Man, shown above at a fundraising event.
- We never quite worked out a name for this one.
- The Lemming. The most patriotic and conservative animal. Ever.
Look how cute and fuzzy it is, yet strong and noble. It is compassionate conservatism at it's finest, and if you back a lemming into a corner, you will have trouble on your hands. Just like the GOP.
Bumper stickers are already available with a $2000 campaign contribution and binding loyalty oath signature.
or, for family men, or wo-men, as they prefer to be called when they aren't having our babies, products for the whole family. (women included)
After signs pointed out that we are losing in the polls the CPAC has deemed that a move in a more positive direction should be made for the Republican image. The message is just great and the ideas are perfect, but how can today's conservatives convince blacks, latinos and poor rural whites to vote against their interests?
Therefore, in changing our image but not our policy, may I present to you the new GOP Mascot, The Lemming.
The failure in the polls IS NOT because of our ideas
or our leaders
It is the message, it's all the stupid messages fault, god I hate that message, that is why we need a new message, a new image to repackage our amazing and unappreciated 40 year old ideas.
That is why we are proposing the new mascot and logo, the Lemming, to go along with our Hip Hop conservative theme.
We this bold new image we hope we can achieve the success we've had in the past, and return to the glorious days of the George Walker Bush Presidency.
In our next addition, choosing a challenger to President Obama. We already chose! Only 3 years, 8 months and a few days to go, and obstruction can get pretty dull, even around here in GOP land.
Thank you, America and $#%& off,
RNC Chairman Michael Steele