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I was watching Bill Maher earlier this evening (a process which I find both fascinating and repugnant, since Bill's talent is often overshadowed by his smarminess and ego) and during his interview with George Stephanopoulos I was struck by a realization. George was droning on about how the Republicans should (if he were a Republican strategist) view the Obama's plans on health care, the environment, energy, etc as an opportunity to put forth their own plans for the future.

There is, however, a problem with that strategy...

The Republicans not only have no plans for any of the problems that are facing this country, they are largely incapable of seeing them as problems. The only "problem" is that both government and taxes exist. While this may work if you are a courageous freedom fighter struggling to lift the yoke of oppression from the necks of your sweaty, attractive, and scantily-clad female compatriots in a make-believe fantasy novel, it has some drawbacks if you are in what I like to quaintly call "the real world".

There is no problem with the economy. You guys are just a bunch of losers since you don't have multi-million dollar jobs as CEOs of banks or investment firms that have burned through their capital reserve like  a horny college student on his first trip to Mardi Gras. Besides, its just a mental recession anyway. GIVE US MORE MONEY!

There is no problem with energy. The oil sands of of Canada (the extraction of which is turning northern Alberta into one vast open-pit mine) and the oil-shale of America will solve that pesky need for cheap energy. Conservation, wind, solar, and geothermal are for pointy-headed elitist latte-sipping liberals and it makes me so mad that their power bills are really low and I just want to shoot somebnody, preferably a liberal, but I'lll shoot pretty mutch onyone rightt noow bvksvfslkbnvk!!!

There is no problem with health care. The 47 million uninsured American will cease to become a problem once they die. Then we will only have insured Americans!

There is no problem with global warming. Look, George Will says so! And he has a bow tie and likes baseball, so he is both really REALLY smart and a true American!

There is no problem with America's roads, bridges, rail system, port security, or anything else. WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! And if you say that maybe the dikes should be repaired, the roads repaved, the bridges strengthened, the ports checked for pesky little things like nuclear warheads or cooties, then you are an America-hating BAD PERSON!

There is no problem with invading foreign nations on the flimsiest of pretexes, destroying their infrastructure, fragmenting their society,  and creating another generation of American-hating terrorists. Mission Accomplished. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, DAMMIT!

And if all that fails, accuse your opponents of treason, socialism, fascism, class warfare, baby-killing, consorting with terrorists, not wearing American flag lapel pins and jaywalking. The media bought it before, they will certainly buy it again, even if western civilization crumbles while we are all watching "Dancing With the Stars".

Originally posted to Glaze72 on Fri Feb 27, 2009 at 09:08 PM PST.

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