Sitting on the back porch, rocking, Listening to the wind blow through the trees. Watching clouds scuttle by, hoping they turn to rain. The grass is dead; it’s been a long cold dry winter.
We’re in a drought.
In more ways than one.
No rain has fallen in months. The water table is low, reservoirs are empty and swamps are drained. There is a very real possibility of sinkholes opening up and swallowing homes.
Sinkholes. Physical sinkholes, financial sinkholes, swallowing up homes and lives.
Talking to the SO. Where do we go from here? How are we going to make it through this?
ME " Today me, child 1 and child 3 (child 3 is child 1’s girlfriend who moved in when she lost her job and apartment) went out job hunting. We actually were allowed to fill out a couple of apps. But they said they weren’t hiring. We filled out a bunch of online apps, too."
SO: "Yah, there’s nothing out there. [Company he works for] We just had our second round of layoffs ever. In all the time XXXX [Company he works for] have never had layoffs. Ever. And now two layoffs in one year. It’s bad. My supervisor looked like he wanted to cry. I’ve never seen it this bad, and I’ve been there for 25 years."
ME: "Tell me about it. When have I ever had a problem getting a job? This is just crazy. Something has to break soon"
Silence, both of us studying the trees, the clouds, the sky. Watching the kittens chase a squirrel racing along the boundaries of the porch. The squirrel taunts the kittens, knowing it’s safe on the other side of the screen.
SO: "Something did break. We have enough for one more month before we should get paperwork for bankruptcy."
ME: "Only one month left? Not good."
SO: " I looked at our life insurance. If I commit suicide, you will get $200,000. That should get you and the kids through. The mortgage gets paid off and all the credit cards and a couple years worth of money to live off."
ME: "Wait. What? No. Life insurance doesn’t pay for suicide."
SO: " Ours does, after we’ve been with the company for over two years and we have been."
ME: "No, I don’t know how to do house maintenance. I can’t fix anything that breaks unless it’s a computer. There are 4 other people here who depend on you. I need you alive, not dead. Don’t think it-that’s a stupid thought."
SO: "Maybe it’ll rain tonight. We need it."
Sinkholes everywhere.
The tipping point has been passed; events are sliding us into the sinkhole.
The much needed rains of the stimulus plan haven’t reached this drought stricken area, won’t reach this area until it’s too late for a lot of people if it ever reaches us at all.
When does "don’t think it- it’s a stupid thought" become "well, it’s the only plan of action left open"?