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"Yesterday the voters spoke."

- Ex-Senator Norm Coleman (speaking unwittingly and unofficially on behalf of Scott Murphy back on Nov 5 2008)

    Victory!

    "We wouldn't be where we are today, and where we are today, after a pretty long night, is me being humbled and grateful for the victory that the voters gave us last night," Coleman said in a morning press conference.

twincities.com 11/5/08

    That's right! We won, and we aren't giving up no matter what, not until the skies fall or the courts say so!

     More on Coleman's defense of Scott Murphy's victory below the fold.

    Asked if politician who find themselves losing elections such as James Tedisco should hold constant re-counts and court fights, Norm Coleman was quoted months ago as saying

    "It's up to him whether such a step is worth the tax dollars it will take to conduct,"

    Asking not to be directly quoted, several unnamed imaginary sources confirmed that Ex-Senator Norm Coleman's advice to the Democratic Candidate Scott Murphy was to
   
   

    Pretend that you won, no matter what the evidence that says otherwise states. Then if they take a lead in the number of votes that actually exist, get the best lawyers you can to gunk up the works. If the lawyers lose, keep re-filing for new re-counts. When it goes to re-counting the ballots, demand to be allowed to cherry pick each and every ballot that doesn't get thrown out. That can go on for months and months, just as long as you keep challenging the total. Have fun with it, even if the vote was for The Lizard People or The Flying Spaghetti Monster. . .

    . . . , it doesn't matter how stupid the argument, or how many times the courts say no, just keep re-challenging it. By the time the courts are done the next election will have already begun, especially in a House election. Two years can go by really fast. If you get creative you can make a re-count go on forever, but, since you have the lead now, declare victory and parade around like nothing else matters.
    Take my advice kid, I know what I am talking about.

    Other GOP leaders cited precedents set in the 2000 Presidential election, when GOP lawyers asked for absentee ballots to not be counted because of the urgent need to declare a victory.

    In an indirect quote from Republican Senator John Cornyn, if an attempt is made to seat loser James Tedisco, The Democratic party should

    Declare World War III.

    This diarist is in full agreement with the fabricated statements made above.

    In answering the final question posed by imaginary reporters, another anonymous GOP sources stated that Scott Murphy should tell the GOP that if they will not except his victory at the end of Election day as official, he should force them to try and take it from his

    cold, dead hands.

    When asked whether or not the GOP leadership felt stupid for setting the precedent in this case, whether the irony was obvious enough for them, whether even they were surprised of the fact that they failed this one too, or whether they were getting used to be an entirely irrelevant regional minority party with shrinking appeal and a disappearing electorate, Norm Coleman's unofficial imaginary spokesman would only say.

    No comment.

    Not even an imaginary comment! The party of No, indeed.

Happy April Fools Day!

   

Originally posted to MinistryOfTruth on Wed Apr 01, 2009 at 09:59 AM PDT.

Poll

Who won the all important Lizard People vote on 3/31

12%7 votes
3%2 votes
29%16 votes
32%18 votes
21%12 votes

| 55 votes | Vote | Results

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