Another child is in the headlines for all the wrong reasons.
This isn't my first diary on the subject of child abuse, and I doubt it will be my last. I've spent years now working in the area of children's advocacy. When I started, I was determined to battle back against the faceless abusers; the enemy was cruel, evil, and purposeful. Over the years, I've come to realize that there are many enemies, not just the abusers themselves but also a social mindset that includes ignorance, apathy, and aversion. Those societal misconceptions can be a difficult adversary, as well.
Today, I was getting a haircut. When asked my occupation, I answered. As happens too often, because of current headlines, questions were forthcoming. "I recently heard that 75% of girls get molested between the ages of 10 and 20. Is that true?" We then had a discussion on the reliability, or lack thereof, of such statistics, including my explaining the difficulty in garnering information on the subject from survivors loathe to discuss their violation, due to shame and other factors. I explained that various studies have been done and some reflect 25% while others set the numbers higher, but that most admit that accurate data eludes us. (Of course, in my mind and heart, even .1% is unacceptable.) One of the women commented that she was sure they were counting boyfriends and events like date rape, which "weren't really molestations," and inflating the numbers. Reminding myself to be patient and grateful that they were attempting to get some facts, I proceeded to explain that date rape is a traumatizing sexual assault, not merely a "boyfriend who gets carried away," and that it must be included to accurately reflect the data.
(Did you know...
According to the US Dept of HHS, the national estimate of children who received an investigation or assessment during 2007 was 3.5 million? About one-quarter of those children were found to be maltreated and about 7.6% of those were sexual abuse cases. As an aside, this does not take into account those elusive and numerous unreported cases that most professionals are confident exist.)
I then reminded the ladies that boys are also victimized. The response was surprise, followed by, "well, that's because of gay men." I hastened to set the record straight with a firm and resounding "No," followed by the facts. Inside, I was stunned by the misconception, but presumed outrage would be nonproductive. I related that this idea was no more true than assuming that small girls were at risk of molestation every time they were alone with an adult heterosexual male. Healthy adults seek other adults, not children. I went on to explain that pedophelia is about power and control, and that the sexual abuse is the mechanism to achieve those ends rather than the goal. While some pedophiles prefer boys or girls for individual reasons, others have no preference and every child is at risk by their predatory ways.
(Did you know... April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month?
One woman then expressed that her daughter was developing physically at age 12 and she was concerned that would attract molesters. After assuring her that parental vigilence was more beneficial than paranoia, I gently explained that, once again, the goal for the pedophile is related to issues like control and power rather than simple sexual gratification. While a pedophile may have a certain "type" they are drawn to, physical development is generally not the lure. Typically, characteristics like vulnerability are much more likely to attract the predator. I have encountered survivors that ranged in age from one week old to the elderly. For those perpetrators, it wasn't the survivor's physical appearance that drew their attention, but rather their inability (physical or psychological) to fend off the predator.
(Did you know... by volunteering a few hours a month with an organization like CASA you CAN make a difference in the life of an abused child? Big Brothers Big Sisters is another place to volunteer and get involved in improving a child's life. If you don't care for either of these ideas, consider volunteering at a local school or children's hospital, foster parenting, or check and see available options in your community. There is much need and many choices.)
Of course, there was the inevitable "I don't know how you do it; I don't even like to hear about it or think about it." Once again, I explained that while some things are difficult to see or hear, they are far more difficult for a defenseless child to endure. While adults may not find the subject matter to be comfortable, if these children cannot turn to us because of our discomfort, they have nowhere left to turn and are at the mercy of their abusers. It is up to each of us, despite our revulsion and discomfiture at these acts, to stand up, stand strong, and be supportive and nonjudgmental of the survivors. It is up to us to defend the defenseless, rather than allow our sensibilities to flinch away from the ugliness and leave the child to suffer the burden. I cannot pretend that there have not been times where I came home, tearful and sickened by what I saw and heard; however, so far it has only resulted in a stronger resolve to do more, to work harder and smarter.
(Did you know...
information and prevention
are our best tools in protecting our children?)
It may be true that we cannot solve all the world's problems. What we can do is to pick one problem in our corner of the world and channel our efforts at improving it. It's not perfect, it's not utopia, but when I get up each morning I tell myself if I improve the life of one child, that's a result I can live with.
(Did you know... One third of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the cycle of abuse?)
When the child next door is maltreated, we all suffer. As President Obama so aptly points out, our children are our future.
I am grateful to have a President who recognizes the value of children's advocacy. I'll be watching this administration in the future to see what further steps are taken to improve the lives of our children. I see a good start and it is a nice change.