There are two things to deal with when addressing Texas Governor Rick Perry's pandering secessionist nonsense.
One, there's a huge pile of hypocrisy there.
Second, what a great idea! Where do I sign the petition!?
First, the hypocrisy. Here's Perry's rhetoric...
"I believe the federal government has become oppressive. It's become oppressive in its size, its intrusion in the lives of its citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state. [...]
"We think it's time to draw the line in the sand and tell Washington that no longer are we going to accept their oppressive hand in the state of Texas. That's what this press conference, that's what these Texans are standing up for. There is a point in time where you stand up and say enough is enough, and I think Americans, and Texans especially have reached that point."
... More after the fold ...
Now try to match Perry's statements up to Perry's reality.
Governor Rick Perry, five days ago: Governor Perry Calls FEMA To Assist With Wildfires
Governor Rick Perry, last month: Governor Perry Calls For 1,000 Troops To Be Sent To Border
Governor Rick Perry, five months ago: Governor Perry Requests 18 Month Extension Of Federal Aid For Ike Debris Removal
Moving on from the sheer hypocrisy of it all, I say we just let Texas and their fellow Bible-thumping Southern brethren secede and finally get all this recurring idiotic bullsh*t over and done with once and for all.
I am so sick and tired of being treated to their once-per-decade murderous tantrums of rightwing victimology and paranoia. Let the ignorant antebellums and appalachians form their own third-world failed state named Jesusland on our Southern border... In the final analysis, I think everyone would be better off.
To plead my case for secession, here's Glenn Beck:
"Does the state have any right anymore? And I know, because I've heard it from all of the conservative, uh, you know, uh, the historians and scholars and everything else, but you can't convince me that the founding fathers wouldn't allow you to secede. The Constitution is not a suicide pact. And if a state says, 'I don't want to go there because that's suicide,' they have a right to back out. They have a right. People have a right to not commit economic suicide.
"I believe it was Davy Crockett, that as he was standing there in the well of the Senate and they were all yelling and screaming at him, he said -- he looked them right square in the eye and said, 'Hey, you know what? You can all go to hell. I'm going to Texas.' About time somebody says that again.
"You're telling me that states can't say 'Washington, we're not going to commit suicide with you'"?
Just think -- by forming Jesusland, we will have a place to which we can deport loony rightwing nutjobs like Beck and Michelle Malkin!
In case you're still not convinced, here's Michael Tomasky from Comment is Free:
Secede! If that's how you feel, just get out of the union. Texas has been (in political terms, not necessarily cultural ones) a greasy white zit in the middle of America's nose ever since Dwight Eisenhower warned the rest of us about crazy Texas millionaires in 1954. Today, it's still Texas billionaires who finance insane right-wing smear campaigns on a regular basis.
This one state has done more than any other to retard progress in our recent history. The swift-boaters, much of the money to finance Reagan's contra war, Karl Rove, the Bushes...all Texas.If it left, those billionaires and Rove and the Bushes could run the new republic. Fine. Drive it into the ground instead of America. Secession would also produce 34 fewer Republican electoral votes, meaning either that a) no Republican would ever win a presidential election again or b) one might, but he or she would have to moderate his/her positions so much that they'd make Nelson Rockefeller look like Grover Norquist, in which case GOP rule wouldn't be so hideous at all. And about 20 or so fewer wingnuts in the House of Representatives.
Of course, there are a lot of good liberals in Texas fighting the good fight. My sympathies are with them. But really folks. Just move north. You'll like it better anyway. Or maybe the good guys will find a way to Austin, and we'll build a subway line down to you or something. After all, without Texas to worry about, we'll be spending money on infrastructure to beat the band.
So join me, brothers and sisters! Let us free the oppressed South and let them create the
squalid, racist, xenophobic, reactionary hellhole utopia they so richly deserve!