Snark from TheDesperateBlogger.com
Ever since Texas Governor Rick Perry sank his teeth into an otherwise routine conservative tea bagging of President Obama and his administration by suggesting that his state could possibly secede from the Union, pundits and rebel-rousers across the country have taken the balls and run with them.
And polls show the country is listening.
While 31% of Texans believe that the former republic has the right to secede, 75% polled would vote to remain in the Union. (RasmussenReports.com)
But polls in the other 49 states show overwhelming support for a new Texas Republic. Nearly two-thirds of adults nationwide who realize that the U.S. would lose roughly half of its current border with Mexico are willing to say ‘adios’ to the Lone Star State. And nearly 90% of registered democrats told pollsters that paying import tariffs on Dr. Pepper and Frito-Lay products would be a small price to pay to rid the United States of Texas residents Dick Cheney and George W. Bush. The poll also revealed that nearly half of U.S. residents nationwide, including 64% of Texans, have always considered the home of Six Flags, 7-Eleven, and eighth grade athlete red-shirting a separate country, at least in spirit if not in fact.
"Secession is the only viable option for Texas," according to secession movement organizer Junior Toggles, III, "We have the resources, we have the firepower, and we have an education system that’s the envy of almost every country to our south. (www.amren.com) We are proud of our heritage, and won’t stand for the Islamic socialist fascism the TV says is coming from Washington."
Alaska first-husband and champion snow machine racer Todd Palin, himself a former member of the secessionist Alaska Independence Party, expressed his support for southern counterparts. "An independent Texas is better prepared to deal with international issues than Washington is. You can see Mexico from there you know." Palin also added that an independent Texas would be an "obviously natural ally" for an independent Alaska, noting, "We’d practically have them surrounded."
‘Manopausal’ Fox News personality Glenn Beck, a supporter of the secessionist movement, is even taking time away from his paid journalism internship to take up the cause, announcing to his Friday cable audience that he is temporarily shelving plans for a Sunday morning show ‘The Sniveling Hardliner’ to dedicate more of his efforts to his new Political Action Committee ‘Patriotic Americans for Secession’. An unabashedly weeping Beck told his audience, "I’m sorry, I can’t help it. As much as l love my country, I love good barbecue and dressing up in cowboy outfits even more."
In a related story, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, appearing on ‘This Week with George Stephanopoulos’, defended the President’s acceptance of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez’ invitation to join his monthly reading club. "President Chavez is making strong, concrete overtures demonstrating that he wants better relations with the United States," Emanuel explained, "And when you look at developing events, such as the f****rs on Capitol Hill dragging their feet on an energy program, the c**k-s****rs in Alaska talking secession, and now a bunch of mother-f*****s in Texas suddenly joining in, you have to realize that we’re going to need an ally in this hemisphere with an abundant supply of oil."