I'll be honest, I'm pretty damn sick of this lot of infantile bed-wetters whining about what to do with the high-level radioactive waste (e.g., spent fuel rods) of nuclear power plants. This whole line of objection just screams "look, everyone, I can grasp at straws!" However, in the interest of provoking less angry outrage than my last bit of commentary on the subject, I've decided to offer only constructive solutions to our energy and environmental issues in this post.
First though, let us back up a bit. As it stands, the (non-)problem of storing high-level radioactive waste can be divided into three sub-non-problems, and one somewhat legitimate problem:
- We don't have a national storage facility for radioactive waste, primarily owing to how those opposed to nuclear power (and human development generally) on ideological and other, similarly irrational grounds have worked tirelessly to prevent the development of such a facility. Yes, that's right - the Luddites are opposed to development of nuclear power because of a problem they themselves have manufactured. You'll find this sort of Orwellian dishonesty is a recurring theme amongst the anti-nuke, anti-humanist "movement."
- High-level radioactive waste is, by definition, highly radioactive, thus requiring a secure, structurally resilient method of storage. Thus, because the anti-nuke types have prevented us from developing both a national reprocessing and a national waste storage plan here in the USA, we currently store spent fuel rods in cylindrical, lead-insulated, welded steel devices known as dry casks. Needless to say, this is a dubious objection because it's circular: the aforementioned Luddites have prevented us from pursuing a good solution, so nuclear plant operators have devised a somewhat less-optimal method of storage. Don't like it? Well, maybe you guys should stop inhibiting the development of a better solution, eh?!
- Unlike low- and intermediate-level waste, high-level radioactive waste continues to release significant amounts of heat energy. This is a big problem, because... wait... I thought energy was what we wanted? Yeah... the "waste heat" from spent fuel rods is actually valuable; it's not a problem at all, other than the fact that we waste it.
This brings us to my proposed solution to the nuclear waste (non-)problem. I'm sure we've all heard the acronym NIMBY, meaning Not In My Backyard. I'm also fairly certain that many of you, like myself, have another problem to deal with - that being the high and rising prices for energy for home heating during the winter months. In fact, my natural gas bill for January was nearly 200 motherfucking dollars, which I would have much preferred to spend on booze, or for that matter, anything else. So, what exactly am I proposing here? Simple - I implore policy makers to turn NIMBY-ism on its head, in what I call PTSIMBY, pronounced "sim-bee," meaning:
That's right. Look, while I give the environmentalist extreme a hard time, I get your position. Change is hard, and radiation just soooo scary. I mean, I hope I never have to be on the receiving end of some radiation - especially that dastardly infrared spectrum. Damn infrared rays from the sun, I'm telling you...
Anywho, the point is that since practically no one wants to deal with spent fuel rods and the like, and since my gas bills last winter kicked my ass, I'm willing to do my part to help solve the climate/energy crisis, as well as the ongoing crisis of irrationality those still opposed to nuclear power development are faced with. Seeing as how exactly zero people have ever been harmed by them, just put some of those big-ass steel cask thingies in my back yard, and I'm sure I can devise some sort of contraption to use the waste heat to bring down my god damn utility bills in the god-awful winters of this god-forsaken state (that would be Nebraska - yes, I'm one of those notorious left-wing Midwest liberal elitists). Win/win in my view.
Now, the final point I feel necessary to address is that of nuclear weapons proliferation, which is a largely legitimate concern. However, I promise that under no circumstances will I deploy a backyard uranium enrichment facility, nor will I ever attempt to construct my own nuclear warheads. What, my word isn't good enough? Fuck you then, jackass! Have fun dealing with the consequences when Florida vanishes, assholes!
So, what do you say, is this one of the greatest ideas ever, or what?