Although I'm not one who has spoken out against rape before, and in fact, I may even have defended it once or twice, it looks the tide of public opinion is now turning decisively against rape, so I would like to publish some arguments against rape at this time, so that I don't look like a total jackass in the eyes of history, and lose my credibility in future policy debates.
It would be easy to say that rape is simply wrong, immoral, a hideous crime against humanity and that anyone who has ever defended it is a morally degenerate pinhead who has no business being heard in the company of decent society.
But that would make me sound too much like an idealogue, a lily-livered pantywaist who is just not tough enough to deal with the serious issue of women who just won't put out. And I desperately want to sound like a reasonable person here, discussing a topic on which reasonable men can disagree.
So, instead, the point of the argument I am belatedly making against rape is that rape simply does not work. Although it may seem counter-intuitive, the sex one obtains from rape is often not that pleasurable. Furthermore, it can even cause a woman to increase her resistance to future sexual encounters.
Surprisingly, constantly raping can harm a man's reputation among other women, who might be his friends, and make them less welcoming to his advance the next time he needs sex. Does rape cause more hostility than it creates sex? It's a reasonable question on which reasonable men can disagree.
And what if a man finds himself in bed with a partner carrying a dildo? Can he then plausibly complain when he himself is raped? Can he still cry outrage when it's his own ass that's bleeding? Yes, but many people will just laugh at him, is my carefully studied conclusion.
The question also arises, can sex be obtained by other means than rape? Many experts say yes, although others say rape can at times elicit sex that can be had no other way. Again, it's a question of balance.
We must also address the emergency, or 'ticking boner' scenario. Although unlikely, a situation might arise where a man must have sex immediately or forever become impotent. I won't take a position on this, because it would make me look like weak if I came out against it altogether, so I will avoid the moral argument and just say it is extremely unlikely.
In conclusion, I am making the argument that rape is ineffective in order to establish that I am a moderate man, tough on chastity and abstinence, to say that those who rape are more incompetent than evil, that it is something on which there are differing viewpoints among very serious people.
And to bolster my credentials on the topic, I want to point out once again that I am arguing from the point of view of WHAT IS BEST FOR THE RAPIST, to prove I am a serious person.
Finally, I want to say it would be a mistake to castigate, despise, shun, or otherwise hold in absolute contempt those who raped in good faith that it was the right thing to do, and especially those, who, unlike myself, supported, defended, or justified rape when they could have spoken out against it.
Thank you for the polite debate which I am sure will follow.