princeling emirette from the United Arab Emirates has been caught on videotape torturing using "harsh tactics" on an Afghani trader who "lost" a shipment of "grain." The librul blogs are treating it like it's some kinda scandal, but the treatment was actually so weak-kneed that outside the leftysphere the response has mostly been uncontrollable laughter.
I know some of you don't agree, but I think it's a good thing President Obama has made the torture memos public, and this incident shows why. As per usual, it's up to the US of A to show the rest of the world how it's done.
See what I'm talkin' about below the jump.
Here's the ABC News story about this wanna-be atrocity:
Hah! You call THAT torture? All they did was cuff the guy around a little and stuff some sand in his mouth. Oh, and fire a few rounds off next to him. Big effing deal. Where's the blood? Where's the hysterical fear? I mean, that guy was still wearing his own clothes!
Here in the good ol' USA (or, at least, in an overseas venue over which we exercise sovereign control) where we know how to torture, treatment that limp-wristed wouldn't even require an advance opinion from the Office of Legal Counsel. Yeah, here in the Land of the Free (or, at least, in secret CIA "black" prisons that only three living people in the world know about), we always strip 'em nekkid first thing. Then we chain 'em to a bed or other handy object, put 'em on a near-starvation liquid diet for a few days, and make 'em stay awake for
72 180 hours. Then we take 'em out and cuff 'em around. And we don't use soft-handed billionaire princes to do the cuffing, nosirreebob. We use US Marines. Puts the fear of God into 'em. Or Allah. Or something.
Anyway, I tell ya, I laughed so hard when I saw that robe-wearin' prince stuffin' sand in that guy's mouth I almost spilled my beer! Don't those lily-hearted royal dandies know anything? Come on! Hey, Prince Akbar, how you gonna key into their involuntary fear of drowning if you use SAND, genius?
'Course, I reckon they're probably a few quarts low on water out in the middle of the effingArabian desert and all. Dumb SOB's shoulda brought a couple gallons, at least, if they want to do the job right. Here in the Home of the Brave (or, at least, in an underground bunker at a secure undisclosed location) we usedta be able to legally pour water into 'em for 40 seconds at a time, and who's gonna tell if we don't start the stopwatch right away? (Wink wink.) That's a lotta water, boy. And we should know--we been doin' it for over a century.
You'd think if the UAE was really such a close ally and all that we woulda taught 'em the right way to torture people by now, like we did with Chile and El Salvador and Peru. But who can figger towelheads, 'specially royals? Arrogant bastards prob'ly thought they already knew all about it.
Well now they're laughingstocks. Mark my words, "free" traders all over the world now know that they can lose a whole shipment and all the UAE is gonna do is bitch-slap 'em and stuff dirt into their mouths.
Torturers?! More like Harsh Tacticians. That little wannabe torturer wouldn't even make it in a low-budge BDSM flick. I mean, the UAE has been going around for years threatening to torture people who mess with them, and now they're exposed as poseurs.
Yep, the "free" traders now know exactly how far the UAE will go. Expect a helluva lot of shipments destined for the UAE to "go missing" in the next few months. I guess that's what happens when you go soft on traderism.