Here at Blogistan Polytechnic Institute we advocate diversity of ideas, especially on Sunday when the faculty are in the wine cellar library getting naked pursuing our motto: Magis vinum, magis verum ("More wine, more truth"). But there are limits to diversity, as our Professor of Astrology Janitor discovered a few minutes ago when he asked the Chef to deal a sixth community card in the staff poker game. "It's the overtime card," he said, "like in basketball or hockey."
Perhaps he'd been reading the mail, because it seems a lot of people think the 2008 election must have an overtime rule.
More below the fold....
Chef was not amused by the Professor of Astrology Janitor's suggestion. "Get back to me when they run the Indianapolis 550," she said, "or the Tour de France cruises on through Paris to Rouen. A pair of Jacks beats your busted flush."
"So the cyclists stop in Paris, but I get all the way to ruin," he replied in that tone of voice he knows will evoke her sympathy.
She's now off to make eggs over easy, which does not involve overtime or they become eggs over hard. This gives your lowly mail room clerk a chance to respond to this week's offerings....
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I've been asked if the Republican Party should moderate. I believe that would require changing our philosophy, and that should never change. We Republicans have to keep fighting for what we believe. Don't you agree?
Dick in VA
Dear Dick,
While we understand your reluctance to change your core philosophy of government, we ask you to consider that your philosophy doesn't work. It's rather like scientists who continue to object to quantum theory on philosophical grounds, when the empirical evidence clearly supports the predictive value of.... Oh dear. We need a different example, as you aren't big on the whole science thing. It's like continuing to squeeze the trigger when you're aiming not at a quail but at a friend.... No, that won't do either. How about we agree that the progressive movement is in its final throes, just as was the Iraqi insurgency in late 2003?
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I don't get the outrage over my blocking President Obama's nomination of Craig Fugate for FEMA Director. I call myself the Obamanator because Americans need someone to keep the president from seizing power. It's my job to push back when the president does blatantly dictatorial things like trying to jam through an unqualified FEMA appointee just because hurricane season is nearing. We need more time to consider this. Some people have said I'm doing this to distract attention from an election threat by former porn star Stormy Daniels. That's just absurd. It's all about principle. After all, why would a Louisiana senator worry about a threat named Stormy?
David in LA
Dear David,
We are unconvinced as to your commitment to principle, given your lack of objection when a Republican president claimed "unitary executive" power. But that aside, we remind you that one of the constitutional roles of the President of the United States is to appoint qualified people to head the executive agencies. Craig Fugate has served for seven years as Florida's Director of Emergency Management. While he hasn't judged horse shows, we suggest Mr. Fugate's experience is relevant to FEMA's mission. Perhaps your real fear is that with a qualified person at the head of FEMA, your constituents would recognize even more clearly the abject failure of your party's approach to government. If so, your future might indeed be ... Stormy.
P.S. As for needing more time, perhaps you should take that up with Mother Nature. We've already seen the first tropical wave this year, so she doesn't seem inclined to grant political overtime.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I'm very concerned about The Gay Agenda. Now there's talk that President Obama may nominate a gay justice to the Supreme Court. How could we have confidence in the decisions of men who parade into a courtroom wearing flowing, calf-length, black robes if we don't know those men go home to sleep with women? President Obama must wait to appoint a gay justice until the American people are ready.
Jeff in AL
Dear Jeff,
Given your infamous comment that you thought the Ku Klux Klan was not so bad until you learned some of them smoked marijuana, we can see why you might worry about the sexual orientation of men who parade in flowing, calf-length robes. However, we suggest you might seem less blatantly partisan if you wait to criticize President Obama's Supreme Court nominee until he actually names one.
As for whether Americans need overtime before we can accept a prominent gay or lesbian in government, we regret to inform you the clock ran out on that quite a while ago. You do know Representatives Barney Frank (MA), Tammy Baldwin (WI), and Jared Polis (CO) have won elections?
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I'm not a theologian or a scientist, but I need to weigh in on the evolution controversy. Yes, there is evolution within species, but so far biologists have not proven evolution between species. So there's no scientific proof that God didn't create all of the species. It's like President Bush said, "the jury is still out," right?
Tom in CO
Dear Tom,
We're sorry to have to tell you, but the only "jury" still out on the issue of evolution can be likened to die hard Arizonans convinced their Cardinals can still come back in the Super Bowl and that John McCain has President Obama right where he wants him. You may not be aware of the developments in biology, but that does not mean those developments have not happened, any more than would your not watching the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl mean the game is not yet over. There have been several published, empirical studies confirming speciation, both in nature and in laboratory settings. Living in denial does not guarantee an overtime.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I'd like something quick and easy for breakfast, as I'm tired after staying up too late to watch too many overtime playoff games. Does Chef have any hints for eggs over easy without breaking the yolk?
Overtired from Overtimes in Blogistan
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Dear Overtired,
Actually Chef does offer some hints. First, even if you use a non-stick pan, be sure to melt a dab of butter or olive oil. Second, don't make the pan too hot; medium-low is adequate. Third, wait until the white of the egg is firm before flipping it. Fourth, if you're like many cooks and use your spatula to firm up the edges of your egg while it's cooking, be sure to wipe the spatula clean before trying to flip the egg. Lastly, tip the pan a bit when it's time to flip the egg, rather than trying to shove the spatula beneath it.
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Happy Sunday!