As my good friend diaried earlier today, the official story of 9/11 is almost entirely untrue.
While the diary makes it clear that 9/11 was not "an inside job," it leaves us hanging as to what 9/11 was. Who did it? Was it the Israelis? The Illuminati? The tube socks? I mean, we can be sure that it wasn't a bunch of Saudis and "Al-Qaeda"; come on, that's not even a real word.
If the suspense has been killing you, well, your long, long wait is over.
I was able to briefly get in touch with some highly knowledgeable sources and they gave me the proximate cause of 9/11.
The proximate cause, is ...
vaccines.
Unfortunately, the sources had only a limited amount of time outside of their Manhattan-based chilled containment unit, and so they couldn't tell me exactly how vaccines were responsible.
The more conventional explanation, is of course, that United and American made the unforgivable mistake of having their pilots vaccinated before the flights.
As one might expect, the pilots contracted autism at 30,000 feet up, and were unable to properly steer the plane. As a result, tragedy ensued.
The more "out there" explanation involves C9H9HgNaO2S.
Yes, that's right; it involves thimerosal.
A little known chemical fact.
If you take thimerosal, and add tellurium nitrate (TeN),
...
thimerosal + TeN => thimerosal + TeN
=> thermiTe + loans
That's right! You get thermite and loans. As it turns out, very, very bad and irresponsible loans.
The thermite, of course, was used for the controlled demolitions. The loans, well, they caused the current financial crisis and recession.
If you think about it, it makes perfect sense.