In one of the more bizarre culture trends in recent memory, all across the nation white male politically right-wing pundits and radio talk show hosts are voluntarily having themselves shot in the foot to demonstrate that, in the words of Michael Savage, "Gettin' shot don't hurt."
Savage said it live on morning radio while in a field outside of San Francisco as a former U.S. Marine cocked a Beretta M9 9 mm Pistol and aimed it at Savage's foot. An ambulance and two paramedics stood by just in case, in Savages words, "anything goes wrong."
On the other side of nation, only weeks earlier, Neal Boortz invited a police officer into his studio. Arguing that the Fox TV Show "24" was too left-wing in that the hero Jack Bauer occasionally showed "the liberal emotion of pain" when getting shot, Boortz had the police officer shoot him in the foot.
This trend began last year when Christopher Hitchens, in a now-well-known you-tube video, had himself shot in the foot because he wanted to know whether getting shot in the foot hurt.
"It is a pitfall of empathy," Hitchens said, "that one -- and this is a trap that liberals tend to fall into -- takes too seriously the invented reactions of one's nemeses, reactions designed to elicit weakness. I am getting myself shot in the foot to demonstrate that there is no real harm done."
Other right wing pundits made similar arguments. The results were uniform.
"Holy fucking shit!" Savage shrieked moments later, writhing on the ground in the field holding his foot. "Goddamn sonofabitch getting shot hurts!" Weeks later he reported that he could still remember what it felt like to get shot in the foot, and he no longer thinks it is a good way of getting reliable information out of prisoners. "If you shoot someone in the foot, they'll tell you anything so you don't do it again," Savage said, "take my word for it. I know. I told the cop I'd freaking marry him if he didn't shoot me again."
Similarly unexpected howls of pain came from Boortz's studio just after the police officer shot him in the foot. His audience on their drive to work was subjected to a 7 and half minute litany of "Jesus Hopscotching Christ don't do that again!" Boortz later said he would have confessed to the Sharon Tate murders rather than get shot in the foot again.
Windy City psychologist Carol Farnsworth explained the cultural trend. "Basically, they're complete morons," Farnsworth said. "I'm afraid there isn't any deeper analysis needed. There is something about being white, male, and right-wing that makes a person incapable of understand the feelings of others in even the most easy-to-understand situations. Some of them even have to whack their thumbs with a hammer in order to understand that whacking your thumb with a hammer hurts."
"I don't know what to add," Farnsworth said, when pressed for details. "The voluntarily had themselves shot in the foot because they thought 'they could take it'. What can I say? They're idiots."