I read the diary "Where is our gay leader" by Soulmentor this morning as I was sipping my first cup of coffee. I began typing a response but it got very long and the diary was about to scroll off. But I thought it was a topic worthy of a little more discussion than it got so I decided to take a chance on a diary rebuttal. There were a few points made in the diary that made me think. I always appreciate an essay that makes me question my own attitudes and fears.
So, let's go!
I am no queen. I have no problem with bikini hunks on floats or dykes on bikes, but the prevalence of the "old queen" stereotype even among us, the young flamers addressing each other as "girl", the pervasiveness of stereotypically careless "faggy" mannerisms (the screamers), the flaunting of tits and asses, and the incomprehensible attraction of drag (and the media's attention to it)......I want no part of that. To hell with political correctness. Brash, ill-mannered, grotesque behavior simply does not deserve OUR acceptance let alone that of the general society.
I understand the feelings, I have them too. This is one of the first things that really made me stop and think about my own attitudes. I also resent being lumped in with a bunch of highly visible fringe elements. But, should I feel that way? After giving it some thought, I think maybe not. I wonder if our own revulsion and non-acceptance isn't hindering us here.
Heterosexuals mostly celebrate those who have an attraction to high visibility dress and mannerisms, and they usually attract a cultish following. They are the artists and musicians and entertainers. Even on a local level. I went to high school with a girl who made herself into a different work of art every day. She was the coolest of the cool. To be seen chatting with her at the water fountain was the coup of the day. So why is it not ok much less celebrated when a guy does the same thing? This is our underlying self-hate, the double standard we don't address and a big elephant in the room.
I'm not sure but I'm beginning to suspect that until we as mainstream and nearly invisible gays (outwardly) get honest about the self hating aspect of this attitude, we will continue to only hurt ourselves.
We can't push for "diversity" and despise the diversity among the gay community. It's hypocritical. So what if drag queens march in pride parades? Pride parades are where we celebrate ourselves. Let's celebrate our own diversity. In my area the drag queens are the ones that mostly speak at pride functions. Props to them. Until more mainstream gays are ready and willing to get our cowardly asses up in front of tv cameras and proclaim who they are, these people are heroes. We can't turn away unless we are ready to take our turn at high visibility.
It's not the drag queens fault that we are too busy raising kids, paying mortgages, rehabbing old houses and creating gardens.
I'm an activist and go to marches and such, I lend my voice whenever I can, donate to gay organizations and boldly dial the telephone. But you won't find me in front of a television camera. That is my failure, not theirs. I'm out to everyone I meet, but you know what? Thats not a lot of people because I am at heart a homebody. About the only place I'm likely to meet a stranger is at Lowe's when I have to ask where to find the weed fabric or ask when the next shipment of my favorite mulch is coming in.
When we do not behave politically and socially conscientiously, we are our own worst enemies. We may get a degree of tolerance, but we cannot expect general societal acceptance. Like it or not, we are a minority and we cannot hope for the success of our goals without changing societal perceptions of us. We need a leader who understands that and I'm sure there are many among us who do. But we face a contradiction. Such a leader would need the broad following, but potential leaders are intimidated by the political correctness that insists every flake be included.
I disagree. We are our own worst enemies by not embracing the fabulous and different among us. When we get up off our collective asses and speak up for the "flakes" , when we emphasize that there is room in our culture for all, then perhaps there will be room in the general culture for us. You don't see Hispanics despising pinatas and staying away from Cinco de Mayo. See, the problem here is that many of us can pass. You would never know I was a lesbian to look at me. The drag queens and more fringish elements of gay culture are the ones that can't pass, most of the time. Like it or not they have the mannerisms, the swish, the giggle, the strut. We can't hope for the success of our goals until we provide a clear picture of the diversity that is the gay community, and that means those of us who blend in need MORE visibility. It's up to us to provide it. Looking down our noses at those who are visible will only hurt us.
And finally, to answer the question: Where is our gay leader?
If you want to meet our gay leader, get to a GSA meeting. I was a GSA advisor for several years and those kids are just extraordinary. They are bright and winsome and charming and beautiful. They are politically aware. They are also oppressed. Some of them have to sneak to GSA. Some of them get kicked out of their houses for being gay. Some of them get suicidal. But the ones who get a little support go a very, very long way. Most of those come back to GSA to help and support the next group as advisors.
GSA organizations across the country are enabling a whole new generation of gay (and straight) kids. They are being enabled to speak up, to be who they are, and to cherish themselves and each other. Mark my words, when our "Gay leader" appears, he or she will have been a member of GSA. If you want to make a real difference support the GSA organizations in your area.