I always shudder a little before sitting down with my morning java and the local paper.
Another dismembered body discovered buried in the local dirt? Check.
More genuine grief over the latest DUI related vehicular homicides, about which we seem to be able to muster the will do do, well, nothing? Check.
Front page conservative frothing, this time about a new non-profit to better "educate" voters? Check.
But every once in a while, the Albuquerque Journal, like many other hometown dailies, manages to transcend itself, to so breathtakingly exceed journalistic boundaries as to leave one awestruck and speechless.
Today, having fortified myself for the latest editorial gem, I skipped to the opinion pages, and was greeted with this steaming hot deposit of
manure
from synidated Rush-With-A-Brush cartoonist Gary McCoy.
If it's possible to be inspired by purulent excrescence masquerading as political "humor", then I'm indeed inspired. If my local paper wants to join in the game of "Guess Which Disgusting, Denigrating One-Syllable Insult We're Thinking About When We Think of Barbara Boxer, Ma'am, Snicker Snicker Snicker??", then it's time to play:
MY LOCAL PAPER IS A ONE-SYLLABLE PIECE OF ______ !!!!
Let's quickly dispense with this "cartoon" simply being 1st Amendment Free Speech. Well, of course it's an example of free speech. The Albuquerque Journal, and I'm sure lots of other papers around the country, had a choice whether to publish this gratuitous rubbish. (I'm holding off on monoshyllabic adjectives here ... we'll get to those shortly!) Yep, they were within their constitutional rights to print this.
I mean, I'm sure some pimply-faced cretinous editor thought this was cute. Gee, we can get away with calling one of our least favorite progressive politicians a bitch without, well, actually saying the B-word. Or maybe worse!! Maybe she's what, um, you know, what the guy we endorsed in November once called his wife. Oooooh, maybe -- she's a you know, a Jew, or a -- Gee, snicker, snicker, this is fun!!!
I'm sure the cartoonist who portrayed Obama as a monkey had some great giggles, too. That one made the national headlines. But this cartoon seems to be flying under the radar.
Time to end that.
I too have my constitutional rights. I have every right to tell this dumb-shit, untalented, love-child of Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh who fancies himself a clever cartoonist, and the sub-human life forms that call themselves editors at the Albuquerque Journal that they and their worthless paper are -- here we go! --
A trash bag of wet pus.
You are oil and filth.
Your rag reeks of rot.
Not worth a dime.
A roach would scorn your brain.
You lick your own toe jam and call it news.
Gee, what word rhymes with dumb and is a cross of some and come?
So, OUT, OUT DAMNED PIECE OF SHIT! No more shade for you. We see you!!
You are all of these things and more.
You sure are not pie.
I'm not sure any of this makes me feel better. Intelligence and competence make me feel better. Watching Rachel and Keith and Ed and Bill Moyers make me feel better. Eugene Robinson and Frank Rich and Paul Krugman and John Stewart and Stephen seldom let me down. But sometimes a body just has to vent, you know?
So, on behalf of the WONDERFUL UNITED STATES SENATOR BARBARA BOXER FROM CALIFORNIA WHO YOU CHOSE TO DRAG THROUGH THE MUD FOR YOUR OWN INFANTILE YUCKS AND WHO IS SOMETHING THAT YOU, GARY MCCOY, WILL NEVER BE -- A DECENT HUMAN BEING -- well, you know, I don't have to end with those two words and two syllables that would instruct you what to do with yourself. You would take it as a compliment, anyway.