So that would mean Joe Biden is President. Wrong!!
Crap! Nancy Pelosi? Nope!
Robert Byrd? Ummm...
That's cool, because that just means Hillary Clinton is next in line. Sorry Charlie!
Oh double-shit, that means Tim Geithner. Not so fast, compadre...
OK, I am sure you have some questions which I will try to anticipate here:
1) Why are these all in English?
Let me answer this question with a question of my own; Why do hate America?
2) Where did you get these?
I have recently entered into a business relationship with a well-connected Nigerian businessman and nobleman who is currently facing some financial difficulties.
3) Bangladesh wasn't a country until 1971, how in the world could Nancy Pelosi have been born there?
Because the birth certificate says she was, duh!
4) These look kinda fake?
What part of "100% Authentic" do you not understand?
5) These all seem pretty devoid of any information, as if it was just pulled off of Wikipedia or something?
I repeat, "100% Authentic" per the seal.
7) Is that seal raised?
Yes, as far as you know.
8) Why do they all look alike?
It is NOT because they are all from the same PowerPoint template, no sir.
9) Why would a birth certificate say "(Not the USA)"?
Well, because clearly these countries are not the USA. Would you dispute that?
10) Where is the long-form birth certificates?"
These say "Certificate of Birth" what more do you need? Sheesh.
So that leaves us with Robert Gates as our soon to be President.
Looks like the "Birthers" were right after all.