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In my new tradition of summarizing major political stories in the form of short plays, may I present: The Birthers...

Conservative: I don't believe you were born in the United States. I demand you show me your birth certificate.

Liberal: OK, here it is.

Conservative: I'm not going away, damn it. I demand to see your real birth certificate.

Liberal: I told you, it's right here.

Conservative: I demand you put it on the web, so everyone can see it.

Liberal: I already did. You can see it right here. Just look at it.

Conservative: Some guy in Mississippi says it looks fake. I demand you show me your secret birth certificate.

Liberal: I don't have a secret birth certificate. This is it. I put it on the web.

Conservative: Conspiracy! Conspiracy! I can see now you're hiding something! I demand to see your birth certificate!

Liberal: It's Right. F---ing. Here. Ten thousand people across the planet have printed it out.

Conservative: Those are copies. I want to see the original.

Liberal: Lots of reporters have seen the original. I can't bloody send it around to every conservative nutcase in America, one at a time, like a birth certificate chain letter.

(long pause)

Conservative: I don't believe you have a checking account. I demand to know your account number, routing number, pin number, and that you give me a blank check made out to "cash".

Liberal: Go to hell.

and, SCENE.

Thank you. I am happy to announce that Lou Dobbs has agreed to attend the off-Broadway premiere.

Originally posted to Daily Kos on Thu Jul 30, 2009 at 08:00 AM PDT.

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