GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting, please -- join us! You can also click the GUS tag to view all diary posts.
Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage. -Richard Lovelace
Seems like I'm caught up in your trap again
Seems like I'll be wearin' the same old chains
Good will conquer evil and the truth will set me free
And I know someday I will find the key
I know somewhere I will find the key
Seems like I've been playing your game way too long
Seems the game I've played has made you strong
When the game is over, I won't walk out the loser
I know someday I'll walk out of here again
And I know that someday I'll walk out of here again
- Jimmy Cliff
I spent a lot of my life as a prisoner.
Not in a literal prison, mind you, and certainly not in one of those really fun, orange-jumpsuited disco party prisons I hear so much about...
...but nicotine addicts are prisoners of a sort. With any addiction comes certain restrictions - on behavior, schedules, finances - and smokers are no different. Our addiction limits who we date or marry, where we live, which jobs we are hired for, which prescription drugs we can safely take, whether we can adopt a pet from some shelters, or serve as a foster parent in some states. Those little initials in ads: "NS" - for most of us, those initials have altered plans, limited our choices, and altered our lives in ways great and small.
The little day-to-day things can chip away at your sense of freedom, too: can't smoke in this restaurant, can't smoke in that bar; no smoking in the ballpark, concert venue, arena, on school grounds, or at school events. No smoking on the job, so you have to go outside in all kinds of weather, huddling in a group with your fellow pariahs. Have to wait to see that movie on DVD; it's three hours long, I'll never make it through without a smoke break. Have to drive to see Grandma; I know it's ten hours, but going without smokes for the flight, plus all that time going through security now, and no smoking rental cars on the other end...ugh, too much stress!
As smokers, our world gets smaller and smaller, and our smoking becomes more and more ritualized and regimented. We jealously and sometimes resentfully guard the few places and times we're able to smoke: in our cars or on our back porches, or in those moments when we can duck away from our real lives to Feed The Beast. We don't let ourselves think of all the ways nicotine addiction has limited our lives, boxed us in, kept us on a short leash, shaped the way other people viewed or valued us. We're trapped in a prison we helped make for ourselves, and it's frustrating to admit it, even to ourselves.
When I first quit, I had a difficult time adjusting to a less ritualized lifestyle. Without my smoking routine to give structure to my day, and to help me internally time my activities, I felt distracted, outside of myself, at loose ends. I was constantly late, or early, or thinking I was one or the other; some things went by in a flash (because they were no longer interrupted by smoking) and some things draaaaaaaaaaaaaagged out like time itself had slowed down. I quite honestly didn't know how to cope with it at first - how to fill my time, or even how to enjoy it.
But as time wore on, I learned to savor the freedom of a smoke-free life. I could make plans without thinking about where or when I could feed my nicotine jones. I could read the classifieds without fear of the dreaded "NS" getting in my way. Business travel was suddenly a snap - no worries about mix-ups with nonsmoking rooms or long flights anymore. I no longer had to worry about whether I was running out of smokes, or would be able to get them where I was going, or whether I had my lighter and mints with me, or if the smell of smoke would be off-putting to someone I was meeting. And now, I even had a little extra cash in my pocket to pay for things that my smoking had placed in the "can't afford it" category (chief among these, home ownership).
By quitting smoking, ending this addiction, we get to experience life outside the box; instead of that licking an ashtray thing, we get to taste freedom for a change. How's it working out for you so far? Are you still getting used to your freedom? Or are you easing into it like an old outfit you're surprised still fits?
Current members of the GUS team! Please post a comment if you would like to join, or if your name is here in error:
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, Abra Crabcakeya, addisnana, amk for obama, Anne933, aoeu, ArthurWolf, awkawk, bamablue, barnowl, bgblcklab1, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, breedlovinit, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, burrow owl, Chocolate Chris, ChurchofBruce, coppercelt, dadanation, dangoch, donnamarie, DRo, duckhunter, Everest42, Fineena, flumptytail, FrugalGranny, greylox, gchaucer2, grndrush, Im a frayed knot, Indexer, interceptor7, inventor, itsbenj, jvolvo's Mom, jwinIL14, kai99, khloemi, Khun David, labwitchy, ladypockt, langerdang, LarsThorwald, Last Starfighter, Lipstick Liberal, lmdonovan, luvsathoroughbred, maggiemay, magicsister, marknspokane, Mikeguyver, Minerva1157, MinervainNH, nannyboz, ncsuLAN, Nick Zouroudis, one pissed off democrat, Ordvefa, Pennsylvanian, post rational, revelwoodie, rosebuddear, SallyCat, seenaymah, Scrapyard Ape, sheddhead, smartcookienyc, spmozart, triciawyse, trueblueliberal, Turn VABlue, uc booker, Unduna, Vacationland, webranding, weelzup, Wood Dragon, x
Anyone (on or off the buddy list) is welcome to write a diary for GUS. If you are interested, please leave a comment in the Butt Can (tip jar).
We need diarists - lots of space for rent right now!! Anyone up for a Sunday diary???! It's fun, we promise!
NEW RULES: If you are looking for a current diary and the schedule has an open or snark entry, it is a go for it, first posted, first commented on situation.
Sun AM: bgblcklab1
Sun PM: seenaymah
Mon AM: revelwoodie
Mon PM: THIS SPACE FOR RENT
Tues AM: THIS SPACE FOR RENT
Tues PM: THIS SPACE FOR RENT
Wed AM: LOOKIE HERE, THIS ONE'S FOR RENT TOO!
Wed PM: AND SO IS THIS!!