It took $75,000 cash to a Craigslist dead drop, but Birthers finally have explosive evidence against Obama.
Scan of the time travel document:
The Midland Morning Crow has the details (sorry, link isn't working right now):
Aurel Scrodis presenting the Obama time travel document.
Obama Foes Uncover Document linking Obama, ACORN to Time Travel
[WASHINGTON DC] Appearing before the National Press Club, well-known "Birther" activist, Aurel Scrodis, revealed a printed order allegedly issued by President Barack Obama to deflect controversy about Obama's place of birth. The order, apparently issued many years in the future, instructs an ACORN time travel squad to travel back in time to destroy Obama's Kenyan birth records and replace them with bogus US birth records.
The document also shows Obama ordered ACORN to replace Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts with an android prior to last January's Presidential Inauguration. Before returning to the future, ACORN was to plant a crudely forged, easily-debunked Kenyan birth certificate for "Birthers" to find.
"I don't know how much more proof the public and the courts need," Scrodis said, "this is ironclad!"
As of press time, it has not been possible to verify the authenticity of the order. However, the order has a date from the year 2059, which is five decades in the future. Physicists contacted for this story have been unable to provide an alternative explanation to account for the document's date.
Dr. Lazarus Puck, a Nobel Laureate at Cornell, became enraged when questioned at length about the document, shouting, "What the f-ck is wrong with you? Are you falling for this? It's a god-damned [unintelligible]!"
It should be noted that Dr. Puck holds several federally-funded research grants which would be threatened if the Obama Administration were convicted of time travel fraud. In addition, Dr. Puck admits that, at this time, he is incapable of building a time machine on his own.
Emails sent to ACORN's Time Travel Squad seeking comment on this story have gone unanswered.
Scrodis provided this smuggled photo of
ACORN time travel operatives in the midst
of committing political espionage.
Text of the document:
SOCIALISTICAL STATES OF AMERICA
TIME TRAVEL DIRECTORATE
OPERATIONS ORDER
DATE:
2 MARXUARY 2059
TO:
37TH ACORN Time Espionage Squad
Maj. William Ayers III, Commanding
DNC HQ, Watergate Hotel, Wash. DC.
TIME DESTINATION(S):
4 OBAMUARY (Prev. AUGUST) 1961;
20 SATANBER (Prev. JANUARY) 2009;
3 OBAMUARY (Prev. AUGUST) 2009
BRIEF:
Proceed to 20th Century. Destroy all records of
PRESIDENT FOR LIFE OBAMA’S Keyan birth. Plant
fake short-form birth certificate (attached) in
HONOLULU HI. Install standard fake memories in at least
five witnesses. Bribe editors at both daily local papers
to include false birth announcement.
Proceed to Inauguration Day, 20 January 2009, replace
Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts with standard
Mk 288 Android.
Proceed to 3 August 2009, Sell fake Keyan
birth certificate to patriotic conservatives,
just to screw them over.
As always, crew expendible. Mwah ha ha.
BY ORDER OF P-F-L OBAMA