How many massacres perpetrated by men against women will it take before we as a society, especially those of us who are men, work seriously to end men's violence?
Last night, news reports indicate that George Sodini murdered at least three women (Elizabeth Gannon, Heidi Overmier and Jody Billingsley) and injured nine other women at a fitness club near Pittsburgh, PA before shooting himself.
After the Montreal Massacre in which Marc Lepine murdered 14 women in 1989, Jane Caputi and Diana E. H. Russell wrote their article defining "femicide," the murdering of women by men, as a misogynist hate crime.
Activists in Canada and in more than 50 other countries responded to that crime to organize the White Ribbon Campaign: Men Working to End Violence Against Women, but it has not yet been nearly enough.
Feminists have taken the lead in attempting to stop this violence, most visibly through the "16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence" campaign (see also "Women's Rights are Human Rights: Ending Gender Violence Worldwide.")
Yet, since then, boys and young men in the US have massacred women in Jonesboro, AR (see more on my commentary about that massacre below), in Colorado, in Amish country in Pennsylvania, and now, once again, in Pittsburgh.
Sara Burke, co-editor of Peacework, wrote in her editorial of November 2006,
Usually men do not kill several women at once, outside of a military context. Men also do not usually cross outside their own protected spheres of influence to attack women — they punish their “own” wives, daughters, or employees, members of their own communities. These crimes are camouflaged so effectively by familiar, well-enforced cultural values that it is still a challenge for women and girls even to assert that they are crimes. So when a strange man (an “outsider,” a “loner,” a “drifter”) targets a group of girls or women with whom he has no personal connection, it startles those observers to whom several centuries of violent, sexualized domination and a current epidemic of rape, pornography, and sexual abuse do not represent a pattern.
We who believe in freedom have no excuse to count ourselves among the startled. If we really want to keep our children safe, we must raise them to love equality and to fight whatever compromises it. We must teach our boys to reject the temptations of a false superiority, and help them to turn their backs on the fraternity of violence. We must, ourselves, model relationships of respect and mutuality and, where warranted, of confrontation and nonviolent revolution. And no matter how much these terrible events make us want to lock our girls up at home and hold them tight for their whole lives, we must instead walk out with them into the world, shoulder to shoulder, looking danger in the eye.
Some men around the world are listening. From March 29 - April 3, 2009, activists from over 80 countries gathered in Rio de Janeiro in a Global Symposium on Engaging Men and Boys on Achieving Gender Equality. Their declaration said, in part,
We are gathering not simply to celebrate our first successes, but, with all the strength we possess, to appeal to parents, teachers, and coaches, to the media and businesses, to our governments, NGOs, religious institutions, and the United Nations, to mobilize the political will and economic resources required to increase the scale and impact of work with men and boys to promote gender equality. We know how critical it is that institutions traditionally controlled by men reshape their policies and priorities to support gender equality and the well-being of women, children, and men. And we know that a critical part of that is to reshape the world of men and boys, the beliefs of men and boys, and the lives of men and boys.
The Evidence Base is There : New initiatives and programs to engage men and boys in gender equality provides a growing body of evidence that confirms it is possible to change men’s gender-related attitudes and practices. Effective programs and processes have led men and boys to stand up against violence and for gender equality in both their personal lives and their communities. These initiatives not only help deconstruct harmful masculinities, but reconstruct more gender equitable ones. Global research makes it increasingly clear that working with men and boys can reduce violence, improve relationships, strengthen the work of the women’s movement, improve health outcomes of women and men, girls and boys, and that it is possible to accelerate this change through deliberate interventions.
These initiatives are spreading around the world, but the US, despite work by groups like the National Organization for Men Against Sexism, and local groups (to name just three in cities which I've lived) such as the Men's Initiative for Jane Doe, in Boston, Men Can Stop Rape in DC, and RAVEN (a program to intervene with men who batter), focuses all too little on confronting men's violence as men's violence.
I'm pasting below a memo I wrote to help middle school teachers talk with students after the Jonesboro massacre in 1998. Unfortunately, given the misogynist and racist ranting of George Sodini, and his emphasis on witnessing his older brother's alleged bullying behavior, I believe this memo still raises issues which are all too apt today.
Below that, I'll close with a prophetic call by Andrea Dworkin.
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Some Talking Points on the Massacre in Jonesboro
by Sam Diener, Conflict Intervention Coordinator, Collins Middle School (ages 11-15), Salem, MA 3/31/98
A number of teachers have asked me for suggestions about how to speak with students about the shootings last week. What follows are some suggestions for topics to discuss and some of my thoughts about each. I'm not suggesting that anyone read this to students, or that anyone discuss all of these issues with students at once. Nor am I suggesting that everyone will agree with all of the ideas I present here. I'm hoping that these topics, along with articles on the massacre, give you some jumping off points to continue discussions in your class about how we can all increase the peace.
A) We don't have all the answers. We probably never will. But even without knowing all the facts or being able to every fully understand why the perpetrators did it, we can let ourselves feel empathy for the victims (those who died) and survivors (those wounded and the witnesses to the crime, who were also traumatized), think seriously about the issues raised and the societal conditions that promote and/or prevent such crimes, and evaluate how we can get involved to help people.
B) It's scary. Acknowledge that talking about such horrible crimes can be scary and can make us angry and feel powerless, but there are things we can do to help prevent violence. Emphasize that this is no joke: the 4 girls and one woman who were killed were real people with families who loved them and who are grieving, the 10 others (all but one female) who were shot and wounded have painful physical and emotional wounds to recover from, and all that witnessed the shootings were traumatized.
However, this doesn't mean that what happened there will happen here. It's true that the teenage homicide rate is triple what it was 10 years ago, but this rate has declined by 1/3 compared with two years ago. Violence isn't something that just happens. People decide to commit violent acts, and people can join together to decide to help prevent them. Many students, staff, faculty, and administrators are all working to help prevent conflicts from escalating, and all of us can help create a peaceful school.
C) Teenage dating violence is deadly serious. Early reports from Arkansas are that one of the motivational triggers for the accused boys was their response to the break-up of dating relationships. Dating violence, like domestic violence, is about trying to exert control. The deadliest form of controlling behavior is the murder of the person who is trying to leave a relationship (see letter G below). One of three teenagers across the country experiences dating violence. In Massachusetts, 30% of all girls aged 15-19 who are murdered are killed by a dating partner.
D) The murders were misogynist. The accused boys were trained to shoot, and one even reportedly practiced on a range with pop-up, human-shaped, moving targets, so the fact that it was mainly girls that were shot indicates they were targeting girls. If this is true, it is an example of the violence of misogyny, the fear and hatred of girls and women (similar to the violence of gay bashing motivated by homophobia, of lynching or other hate crimes caused by racism, etc.).
We can see examples of misogyny here everyday in school every time one boy calls another boy a "girl," as a grave insult, and every time no one interrupts those taunts. I try to say something like, "I'm offended when you use 'girl' as an insult. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a girl. Can you tell me what you're angry about?"
E) Threats and weapons need to be taken seriously. Reports in the media indicate that a parent warned a counselor that one of the accused boys was threatening to kill people at the school. Apparently, the counselor talked with the boy and was told that it was a dream. It is not clear if any further assessment was done or not. The accused boys reportedly told a number of students the day before the shootings that they were going to kill people the next day in school. If we know of deadly threats, or know of the presence of weapons in school, it is our responsibility to increase the safety of this school by taking these dangers seriously and reporting them. In my experience, the teachers, counselors, and administrators at this school all respond swiftly and decisively if we receive reports of weapons or threats.
F) Guns increase danger. The presence of firearms in the home increases the risk of death or injury for all members of the household. At a minimum, any gun should have child-proof safety locks, and should be kept in a securely locked place. Ammunition should also be secured in a locked place separate from the gun. Fifteen states have laws holding parents criminally liable if their kids obtain and use their guns. I don't know yet if MA is one of them. This is especially important in families in which both weapons and abuse (between adults or adult against child) are present. The possession of weapons is one danger sign that a person who is abusing somebody may someday use lethal violence, and it is especially important that a student or staffmember talk with a trusted adult in private if this situation exists.
G) People have the right to break up with anybody. Some reports indicate that one motivational trigger for the accused boys was that both had recently suffered break-ups. A report in the Boston Globe said that one of the accused told a girl that if she broke up with him, he'd kill her. Other reports say that a girl broke up with the other accused boy and called him a, "skank." We need to emphasize that no one deserves to be shot or hurt in any way for breaking up, even if they don't do it in an ideal way.
We each have the right to decide if we want to break up with someone or not. If someone breaks up with us, we may be hurt or angry, and it's important to get support from friends and express that sorrow. We need to remember that we never owned them, they were never our property, and we don't have a right to hurt or threaten either the ex or their new partner. If they don't want a freely chosen relationship with us, then, even though it might be painful, we can't build a healthy relationship with threats or force.
Most fights and threatened fights at this school arise from cruel break-ups of relationships, with one person accusing someone else of "stealing" their boyfriend or girlfriend, and threatening to fight them. Fights also arise from people "getting dumped" through third parties and rumors (and then wanting to fight the person who spread the rumor) rather than respectfully broken up with. It is difficult to break up gently and directly with somebody, but unless we feel afraid of them (in which case developing a safety plan with a trusted adult is vital), it is the least we can do for someone who we thought we really liked.
H) Some aspects of our culture promote and glorify male violence. (I know some of these questions might be controversial, but I include them because I believe they are important and can help promote serious discussion). Are the real, painful consequences of violence ever portrayed on Saturday morning cartoons? On action-hero TV shows and movies? In most video games (at least one of the accused boys reportedly loved video games, but the reports I read didn't indicate what type of games)? In so-called gun-safety programs? In boxing? In professional wrestling? In most of our history textbooks' and military recruiting ads' depictions of wars?
What signal does it send to call Westside Middle School's sports teams, "The Warriors?" Why are clothing designers marketing camouflage clothes to teens (the accused boys were reportedly wearing camouflage when they allegedly fired on the girls)? When boys are encouraged to play football and "hit hard," and girls are encouraged to be cheerleaders for the boys (I know cheer leading requires athleticism, I'm questioning the gendered split), what messages does it send about gender roles? What's wrong with boys crying? Given the increased frequency with which girls are threatening to fight each other in this school, and the increases in violent crimes committed by girls and women in recent years, how (and why) is our culture working to make girls more aggressive rather than encouraging both girls and boys to become more assertive and empathetic? How are adults, from governments to mass media organizations to parents, setting negative examples and sending negative signals to young people?
I) We aren't powerless. We can help prevent violence. We can be allies of the people of Jonesboro by working to prevent violence here at school, in our homes, in our communities, across the country, and around the world. When we hear someone getting picked on, we can speak up, using an "I statement" along the lines of, "I'm uncomfortable when I hear you putting anyone down. Can you tell me what you're upset about?" When we're angry, we can get C.L.E.A.R. (Chill, Listen, Empathize, Assert, Resolve). We can help each other learn and use methods for resolving conflicts and de-escalating fights. We can build healthier relationships in our own lives, offer support to those who are being abused, and gently and strongly challenge those who are being abusive. We can also work to change our society's laws, policies, and cultural norms through organizing collective nonviolent action.
J) Add your own questions here. What questions do the students and other teachers have? I'd be interested in talking with people about the issues raised here, and about those issues that I've omitted. The only good that can come out of a crime like this is to help motivate those of us who witness it, even via the media, to talk among ourselves and work together to stop the violence and increase the peace.
The ideas here are the author's and don't necessarily represent the views of Collins Middle School or the Salem School District.
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Andrea Dworkin called on those of us who are men to work to stop men's violence in her classicessay, "I Want a Twenty-Four Hour-Truce During Which There Is No Rape." Please read the essay in its entirety. Her ringing conclusion:
"I speak for many feminists, not only myself, when I tell you that I am tired of what I know and sad beyond any words I have about what has already been done to women up to this point, now, up to 2:24 p.m. on this day, here in this place.
And I want one day of respite, one day off, one day in which no new bodies are piled up, one day in which no new agony is added to the old, and I am asking you to give it to me. And how could I ask you for less--it is so little. And how could you offer me less: it is so little. Even in wars, there are days of truce. Go and organize a truce. Stop your side for one day. I want a twenty-four-hour truce during which there is no rape.
I dare you to try it. I demand that you try it. I don't mind begging you to try it. What else could you possibly be here to do? What else could this movement possibly mean? What else could matter so much?
And on that day, that day of truce, that day when not one woman is raped, we will begin the real practice of equality, because we can't begin it before that day. Before that day it means nothing because it is nothing: it is not real; it is not true. But on that day it becomes real. And then, instead of rape we will for the first time in our lives--both men and women--begin to experience freedom. If you have a conception of freedom that includes the existence of rape, you are wrong. You cannot change what you say you want to change. For myself, I want to experience just one day of real freedom before I die. I leave you here to do that for me and for the women whom you say you love."
(For more on Andrea Dworkin's legacy, please also see Sara Burke's remembrance, in which she wrote, "Far too few who work for peace are ready even to acknowledge, much less to fight, the male violence that pervades the lives of women. With thanks to my sister, Andrea Dworkin, I say that if there is no peace for women, there is no peace." At the time, I wrote, "Andrea Dworkin loved women enough to demand safety for every woman, and loved men enough to insist that we are capable of confronting and ending men's violence.")
Can we learn to love enough, and love nonviolently enough, to end the violence?