Dear Sarah Palin,
Thank you for speaking the truth about the inherent evils of socialized medicine. I know you're getting a lot of flak from the biased liberal media and those nasty bloggers - I really wish they'd quit making things up too!
But you need to keep up the fight - not just for America, but for my aunt who is now being processed by one of our Canadian death panels.
You see, Sarah, my aunt is in her 70s and retired, so she no longer has economic value to society. So, recently her doctor ordered that she appear before a local death panel.
The death panel came up with their plan to kill her. They inserted a stent in a vein and gave her a portable bag of intravenous drugs that are well known to be TOXIC.
That's right, Sarah - my own government is turning my aunt into an INTRAVENEOUS DRUG USER. (Isn't that how you get AIDS?!!!!)
This is not a unique case either - my government is trying to MAKE ALL OUR SENIORS DRUG ADDICTS.
Because of severe rationing, they sent my aunt home to wallow in her drug-induced state. They claim it's not necessary for her to stay and being home would be more comfortable, but everyone knows they're just being CHEAP.
But they aren't done with her. They keep telling her to come back - even paying for a cab if she's TOO HIGH to drive.
Worse, in between these inquisitions, they have been sending nurses to her home to make sure that she's taking her poisonous drug cocktail and to give her even more. Nurses are ENTERING OUR HOMES to force us to take DRUGS!
And if she tries to pay for any of this "death care", she's always told it's free with her health card. Of course it's free - all DRUG DEALERS get you HOOKED that way.
And unfortunately, it's working. In her drugged up state, my aunt is easily influenced. She's voluntarily doing all the things the government tells her to do. My government is BRAINWASHING MY AUNT!
Now, I know you may be thinking - this sounds like a very inefficient death panel. Wouldn't it be easier to, oh, release our seniors into a field, fly over in a helicopter, and shoot them? Well, sure, but when's government done anything efficiently?
But while our death panels may be slower than previous government-sponsored genocides, they are 100% effective. Adult immortality has been completely eliminated. In the end, OUR GOVERNMENT WILL KILL EVERYONE.
Sarah, I'm SCARED. No one can seem to stop this EVIL. Even our most conservative politicians don't dare speak of the evils of our NATIONAL SOCIALIST health care system. When they try, they are forced to humiliate themselves by holding crude propaganda signs on national television!
So - a proposal. Seeing as you're between jobs right now, would you consider moving east and leading the battle against this tyranny? Our current Conservative government doesn't understand the urgency of the problem, and our Prime Minister seems to enjoy dressing up in tight cowboy outfits in his spare time. I'm scared that he might be A SECRET HOMOSEXUAL like OUR FORMER DEATH MINISTER.
Help us, Sarah Palin. You're our only hope.