The Republicans are right. We should be extremely worried about the death panel provisions in the House health care reform bill, because if left intact, it could spell disaster for America. Democrats have shown their true colors, and need to be stopped before they destroy the foundations of our great civilization.
Very few people know the truth about the death panels. Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, and Newt Gingrich know the truth, however, but they've got the motives all wrong.
I realize most Democrats think the death panel provision in the health care bill was introduced by a Republican concerned about paying doctors for end of life counseling. Well, that's only a tiny piece of the puzzle, my friends. There is much more, and its much worse than you can imagine.
There's a part of the death panel provision that nobody's talking about, because very few people know about it. That's because it was written in urine, like they do in the prisons, and can only be read when held over a flame. It's true. Rep. William Jefferson's prison consultant taught him this trick, and he passed it on to Nancy Pelosi who taught all Democrats how to do it.
But getting back to the topic at hand, the hidden death panel provision creates a team of top-secret doctors and scientists whose job it is to determine what happens to you after death. Yes, they decide whether or not you get a funeral, or something much, much worse.
Some of you reading this won't heave the pleasure of spending your life in a box underground, or the solace of being burned to ashes in a flaming inferno then trapped in an urn your children can't remember to dust. No... after you die, some of you will continue to live.
That's right, you'll be made undead. That's what the death panels do. They decide who gets to die and who has to continue walking this earth forever.
Some of you will be made into zombies. Hive-minded creatures with your skin sagging off your bones, you'll be forced to work in the FEMA reeducation camps, harassing the living and forced to catch your own food.
Others will be turned into vampires, which could be worse, actually, except under this new health care bill you'll be forced to work as a phlebotomist in the new communist hospitals in order to feed your hunger. A lucky few might get to become prostitutes, since the science behind creating vampires is still new and sometimes results in succubi, but that could be worse, also.
As new technologies are developed, even more forms of the undead will be created, and the death panels will be the ones to choose who dies, and who has to die two, three, or maybe even four times. But now you know the truth, and if you what the peace of mind to know that your death will be your only death, then you absolutely must oppose health care reform.
Don't say you weren't warned. If this reform happens, you'd better stock up on wooden stakes, chainsaws, and baseball bats. The undead could be coming for you next.