Lately I've been writing a bunch of serious diaries on the inherently joke-inducing topics of pornography and circumcision (looking at the former as a free expression vs. censorship issue and the latter as a public health issue). Time to try a joke diary on the very serious topic of healthcare
As you may have heard, the RNC recently revealed some very important, very scary information on the Democrat party's plan for rationing socialized health care death panels.
This is indeed very, very, very scary. Not quite as scary as the fact that political campaigns can use voter registration data to determine how to contact you AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN, but still, very, very scary.
However, the RNC has inexplicably left out some even scarier healthcare possibilities. What's worse, many of these possibilites can happen RIGHT NOW!
Some of the scariest possibilities can be viewed below the fold.
Studies indicate that donations by nurses go overwhelmingly to the Democratic party. Some have said that these Big Labor nurses may use publicly-available party registration data in deciding whether or not to treat you properly. Does this possibility concern you?
TV reports warn that California residents are at risk of having this man as their attending surgeon. Does this possibility concern you?
It has been suggested that pregnant women traveling to Washington D.C. who go into labor while touring the U.S. Capitol could be assisted by this man, as in they'd have to come into direct contact with him and whatever substances he secretes. Does this possibility concern you?
Various sources indicate that as a result of pressure from PETA, Hospital Corporation of America will no longer allow surgical interns to practice on kittens adopted from animal shelters. Instead, they plan to implement PETA's modest proposal of urging surgical interns to practice on any and all admitted patients. Does this possibility concern you?
Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Dave Barry has warned in an in-depth report of the dangers of psycopaths posing as nurses entering your hospital room, injecting you with a paralyzing drug, and, while you're still fully conscious, removing both your eyeballs with a shrimp fork. Does this possibility concern you?
These are all very scary, no doubt. But I've heard about one more possibility that is scarier than all the other possibilities COMBINED.
You've just received a notice in the mail from CIGNA. They are informing you that the treatment for your condition is not covered under your health policy. Does this concern you?
... Sorry, please ignore this last one. Like THAT would ever happen.