Well, we're hearing more and more talk that the GOP might actually think of nominating Darth Vader himself for President. While I, like most of you, relish that fight as the next best thing to a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, I thought I might offer the GOP a few more options to run against Barack
Follow me over the fold for some snark and fun at the GOP's expense.
In no particular order
George W Bush
If Cheney is the one carrying the mantle of idiotic decisions of the previous 8 years, why not just go straight to the source? Now, you might be thinking that George has already been President twice. But you'd be wrong! See, all the GOP needs to do is retroactively decide we were right, and that George didn't win the Presidency in 2000! The retroactive President Gore might sting a little bit, but think of 4 more years of Bushisms. Yes, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth too.
Mark Sanford
If the GOP loved a coke addicted alcoholic, they're going to love a pathological liar who can't keep his cock in his pants...but has a good relationship with big g God. Just think of the improved relations with Argentina!
Barry Bonds
This would be a part of a secret "put up two black candidates so voters won't know which one to vote for." Since, you know, all black voters gave Obama a chance simply because of his race. Not because the guy running against him was insane and older than the dirt underneath the dirt. Then, the 3rd party "God and Guns" party would nominate a Great White Hope to save the day in a three way dance!
Jesus Christ
Why keep putting up imitators when you can get the real thing? Now, I realize that it might be a little hard to get JC to show up for debates. But there is every bit as much proof of his existence on the earth today as there is for trickle down economics. Just put him on the ballot and see what happens.
Bob Dole
Ok, for no reason other than another campaign season of hearing a man speak in the 3rd person.
Bruce Springsteen
If they run out of ideas, why not stop stealing the mans music for political purposes and just steal the man? Then they can move to impeach him afterward on the grounds that they never really listened to Born In The USA.
Marilyn Manson
Because their entire party are already stars in The Dope Show.
Glen Jacobs (World Wrestling Entertainment's Kane)
He's a well known libertarian. If they let him run on that agenda he just might. And what better way to duck a tough question than to chokeslam the person who asked it through the stage?
The problem is, when the party decides to do what they always do and govern the exact opposite of what they ran on...and turn the President into a puppet...he just might have a few chokeslams left in him.
You know, just might be worth it to see Senator McConnell driven through a desk once owned by Ronald Reagan.
And that's all I have for now. Please feel free to use the comments to let me know YOUR alternatives for the 2012 Republican nomination. They can't be any worse than the person they actually run!