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This is just an idea, but bear with me.  Suppose Kossacks were to contact some of the more organized teabagger elements and propose bare-knuckle boxing events (pursuant to local, state, and federal law, of course).  The ticket price, which could be relatively small, would go into the prize purse, and whichever side won a given fight would win that money for its respective non-profit political organization(s).  For reasons I describe below, this is not as juvenile, cynical, or unproductive as it may sound on its face, so I will also address some of the likely objections.


Arguments in favor

  1.  Defuses violence

This may sound like an ironic argument, but (at least anecdotally) it appears that the most violent sports tend to have less violent fans than sports (e.g., soccer) that are relatively non-contact.  The analogy may itself be seen as an objection, but the gladiatorial blood sports of Imperial Rome were, in fact, quite effective at defusing public violence, whereas the relatively benign (relatively, mind you) chariot races were known to result in riots, one of which burned Constantinople to the ground.  

There are elements on the teabagger side that are increasingly whipping themselves up into a hate-filled frenzy, and eventually this will result in acts of extreme violence against innocent people.  But suppose the actual tough guys among them had the opportunity to directly engage with our tough guys, and the cowards among them were given a show that, at least in cases where we lose, might dilute their rage?  Rather than building themselves up to potentially monstrous acts, they could just be an ordinary animal (directly or vicariously) for half an hour and let loose.

  1.  Cements social bonds


While the teabaggers and associated subcultures are truly vile, despicable, and anti-American people, they are nonetheless here and we have to find a way to somehow get them to live in peace with the vast majority of their countrymen.  This does not require that they love us, or even that they respect us, but sharing relatively peaceful experiences - even as opposing spectators at a violent sporting event - connects people together, and creates or reinforces social bonds.

  1.  Overwhelmingly advantages our financial position


Regardless of whatever money the teabaggers obtain from fight victories, Kossacks could meanwhile hold independent fundraisers pledging, for instance, a dollar for every landed punch; five dollars for every won round; 20 dollars for a fight victory, etc. etc.  As we outnumber the teabaggers by a vast margin, these independent activities organized around the fights would result in huge fundraising potential for progressive causes.

  1.  Get to pummel teabaggers


Those of us with the ability and inclination would have the opportunity to pound stupid, bigoted, lying, Neanderthal pieces of shit to the ground, and do so both with a clear conscience (because the fight is voluntary and fair) and a clear police record.  Those of us with the inclination but not ability could still enjoy the show, and those of us with no desire whatsoever to see such a base spectacle could still appreciate the significant benefits that would be going to progressive causes due to attendant fundraising activities.

  1.  Pound-for-pound Kossack advantage


While this is a generalization, it would seem at least anecdotally that we as a community have a stronger emphasis on health than wingnuts do.  Moreover, a Kossack with real fighting skills has probably approached the development of those skills with discipline, intelligence, and precision, while a wingnut has perhaps just watched Chuck Norris movies and imitated his moves in a mirror.  Some teabaggers seem big and tough, but it is my theory that they are seriously lacking in cardiovascular stamina.

  1.  Chick fights


Most teabaggers are apparently middle-aged men, but the level of female participation on that side is not insignificant.  Women's fights would draw significant attention, and given the sensibilities of the right, it's likely that most women capable of serious fighting would be on our side.'s just plain hot.

  1.  Flexibility of format

The events need not be bare-knuckle if local, state, or federal laws are found to require equipment.  And as the events would be non-profit, it's possible (I haven't checked) that they could avoid having to go through state boxing commissions.



  1.  Encourages a culture of violence

As per the arguments made above, I think it rather encourages an attitude of healthy confrontation while potentially defusing the truly toxic, pent-up kind of hatred and rage that can lead to homicidal rhetoric and killing sprees.

  1.  Trivializes the issues

The events would be just be a means to an end, with the end namely being the advancement of our causes.  Consider - would it trivialize our causes to use tennis matches between Kossacks as a fundraiser?  If not that, would it be trivializing for two Kossack boxers to hold a fight and commit to donating the prize money to progressive organizations?  I don't think that would be the case.  So I don't see how it would be trivializing to use the other side for the same purpose.  

  1.  Does nothing to persuade others of our arguments

Yes, these matches would do nothing in themselves to persuade anyone of our position, but they would draw attention to it.  Conversations would be sparked, people's interest peaked, and money would flow into efforts that do directly involve persuasion.  

  1.  Legitimizes teabaggers

The media already does everything in its power to legitimize them, and availing ourselves of the opportunity to exploit them would not significantly contribute to that.

  1.  Potentially gives money to teabaggers

As noted above, Kossack fundraising efforts ancillary to the events would be much larger than the prize purses due to our much greater numbers than the teabaggers.

  1.  Legally murky

A logistical hassle, but not a serious barrier.  People box all the time in gyms, and while bare-knuckle fist fights are usually broken up by the cops, I don't think an organized, orderly event with safety personnel on hand and supported by both sides of a political argument would cause officials to be anal if the fighters chose not to wear gloves.  The cops would probably be too busy enjoying the show.

Originally posted to Troubadour on Wed Sep 02, 2009 at 10:15 AM PDT.


Would you fight a teabagger for progressive causes?

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