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Dear Principal,

In response to the SLC School District letter RE: the optional opt out option.
Siting Utah State Board of Education Rule R277-105,
which states:

"A parent, a legal guardian of a student, or a secondary student may request a waiver of participation in any portion of the curriculum or school activity which the requesting party believes to be an infringement upon a right of conscience or the exercise of religious freedom,

I would like to excuse my child from any curriculum that might utilize numbers and their relationships to each other.

It just so happens that our religion is Con- Science Is Right as referred to in the above rule.One of the most important tenets of our belief system is that the earth is flat, so any indoctrination that promotes any form of geometry (or takes any steps that might lead to an understanding of such) we regard as an infringement of our  blessed fringyness.
I would also like to excuse  my child from any lessons in history, as contrary to the popular notion that the universe is 6000 years old, our commandments require us to acknowledge every morning in our prayers that we were born yesterday. Any lessons that promote any "events" in a so-called "past"or opportunities in a chance "future" would disrupt our forever resurrected  time-space dis continuum.
Reading books and acknowledging the "words" in them has also presented a difficult issue for our family, for we are taught that the true glory of literature, unless liturgical, is in the fancy designs you can see by only acknowledging the spaces between the words on a typed or written page, the rest is sin.This of course leads directly to that chapel of blasphemy commonly described as a L-i-b-rary (L-I-B and any derivative is a concept we simply cannot even comprehend until we face our ever loving Death Panel priesthood in the sky), so kindly allow for an alternate activity for my child.
Oh ! regarding speeches we love 'em ! I would request that my child be required, restrained if necessary, to witness any speech, Live or taped by anyone at any time as long as he is given the opportunity to respond in interpretive dance in an assembly attended by only freckle free children ( those damned spots if  ya know what I mean;)
I am so grateful that our school district is so flexible (or bendable, or is the word limp) as to these accommodations, Thank you !
May I also apologize for any Electromagnetic Pulse attacks caused by my childs baptismal braces, they should quiet down along with the sunspots.

Daily Terrestrial Mind Guide to XXXXXX XXXX

Originally posted to ballerina X on Fri Sep 04, 2009 at 10:46 AM PDT.

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