Look, I know with all the opposing, whining, screaming, lying, and other crap that passes for work for Republicans it's hard to get that health care plan together like they promised.
So, as a public service, and as yet another example of my doing your jobs for you like the past eight years, I have the Republican Health Care Plan, all ready for you to print out and wave about like idiots the next time the grownups are talking.
Look below the fold for details.
No, you're not going to get a Powerpoint presentation that looks like it was designed by meerkats - I will list actual policy positions, consistent with past GOP positions and the Republican party platform, that will together constitute a plan for health care reform.
- Tort reform: By making it harder for individuals to sue businesses, healthcare providers will not need as many high-priced law firms to prevail in lawsuits when they deny someone vital medical procedures and that person dies. In fact, if we stretch "tort reform" to make it illegal to sue an insurance company at all, think of the savings! Which will, of course, be passed on to the consumer, on a cold day in Hell.
- Privatize Social Security: Modernizing Social Security will bring an influx of badly-needed taxpayer money into our embattled financial industry, which can then loan that money to healthcare providers to improve efficiency, cut costs, and modernize infrastructure. That is, whatever money survives the financial industry execs giving each other ginormous bonuses. Free market!
- Reform Medicare: By reforming Medicare to remove fraud and abuse and ration care, the Republican Party can wean our seniors off of dangerous socialism, and bring to an end the subversive notion that we all owe some kind of support or assistance to each other. All in this together? What, you think this is some kind of hippie commune?
- Faith-based initiatives: By allowing faith-based organizations to bid on public contracts, we can establish an affordable, prayer-based public option which is in line with a majority of American's religious beliefs. Or will be, if they want healthcare.
- Immigration reform: A "get-tough" approach to illegal immigration will keep undocumented workers from sneaking into the US and expecting things like healthcare, education, better lives for their families, or even basic civil rights. Which, of course, will translate immediately into less of a demand on our overworked emergency rooms and more access to healthcare for deserving citizens. Once we finish with the walls and barbed-wire gates, we can then safely and humanely process legal immigrants while making sure our national security is not compromised. It worked so well for East Germany.
- Tax cuts: Cutting taxes, particularly to individuals and corporations netting more that $250,000/yr, will help ease the crushing financial burden of providing health insurance, and shift it onto the middle class and poor where it belongs. Get a job! . And besides, it isn't a Republican plan without some good ol' all-American tax cuts.
- ANWR oil production: How could I have forgotten the most important, nay the linchpin in any Republican healthcare proposal? By opening up leases for oil production in ANWR, we could,ummm...well, healthcare would...uhhh.. DRILL, BABY, DRILL!!
There you have it - a sixSEVEN-point GOP health care plan. I leave the snappy name up to you, but I'd suggest the "Just Die Already" plan.