"I don't want to laugh. I want to be left alone with my misery and I don't want anyone seeing my inner ugly." - Founding GUSsack bsmechanic
GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting, please -- join us! You can also click the GUS tag to view all diary posts, or access the GUS Library at dKosopedia for a great list of stop-smoking links. Check it out!
Well, to be fair, diary title and musical selection aside, I'm not actually miserable now...but if you had asked me five years ago, I'd be telling you a different story.
Like millions of others, I've struggled with Depression in the past (some of it seasonal in nature, some of it due to genetic predisposition, and some of it a result of external stressors and funky brain chemistry - score, I hit the jackpot!). Depression is more common than you'd imagine. Often undiagnosed (or underdiagnosed in those who minimize symptoms when reporting it to medical personnel), odds are pretty good that even if you are not depressed, you personally know someone who is experiencing clinical depression, or has done so in the past.
I've also been lucky - so far, I've been able to recover from my depressive episodes and emerge on the other side of them a stronger, more self-aware person. These days I can usually tell when I'm sliding into that state again and take the appropriate steps to avoid the downward spiral. I realize that I'm fortunate; many people with chronic depressive illness don't really "bounce back" and in fact simply learn to function with a baseline low level of depression (dysthymia); others, particularly those who live with Bipolar Disorder, generally require ongoing medication to function in their day-to-day life. Some manage depression with intermittent medication or therapy; others use a variety of holistic methods, including St. John's Wort, excercise, accupuncture, support groups, and diet modifications. People with S.A.D. may find light therapy useful. Regular monitoring by medical professionals is a good idea whatever your approach.
We're also fortunate to be living at a time when depressive illness has been somewhat destigmatized in society. I know that both of my parents and a number of my extended family going back generations suffered in relative silence rather than "admit" to being depressed and seek treatment, and the impact on their lives - and the lives of those around them - was devastating. I know of at least one depression-related suicide in my family tree (a great-uncle). Given the fact that depression runs in families, I'm sure my story in this respect is not at all unusual.
Major depression, if you've never experienced it, is more than your average case of the blues. It's not "having a bad day" (or even a bad week); it's not feeling down because of a specific issue or situation or crisis (although those can trigger depression), and it's not something that you can just snap yourself out of by thinking happy thoughts. Although some things leave you more vulnerable to bouts of depression, it can happen to anyone, even people who seem on the surface to have a pretty okay life and lots of things to be grateful for. Many people convince themselves they can't be depressed because they have "no good reason" to be depressed; never mind that you don't need a reason for it! Depression can occur for no obvious reason at all - it's funny that way. Of course, that's pretty much the only way it's funny, at least for those whose lives have been touched by it.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (a.k.a. the DSM-IV), you can be diagnosed with depression if you fit at least five of the following for more than a couple of weeks:
- Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day
- Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities
- Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day
- Insomnia or sleeping too much (hypersomnia) nearly every day
- Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day
- Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
- Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
- Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness
- Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide
By the way, if you answered "YES" to #9 on that list, please stop reading this diary right now and go here instead or call Toll Free 877-870-4673 (or 800-252-8336 if you're a teenager). It's important to talk to a real person who is trained to help and although we do have some good advice here in GUS, we're not therapists and not qualified to give you the medical advice you need.
So, what does all this have to do with quitting smoking? Well, if you look at that helpful list from the DSM-IV, you may recognize one or two (or more) familiar symptoms, especially if you just quit smoking or are currently weaning yourself off of nicotine replacement therapy. There is a pretty strong link between smoking and depression, actually. People prone to depression may self-medicate with nicotine - it's certainly the gateway drug for most people with co-occurring mental illness and substance abuse issues. Most addicts, in recovery or not, will tell you cigarettes were the first thing they tried, and the last thing they quit.
Quitting nicotine will frequently trigger mild depressive symptoms, and may trigger major depressive symptoms in people who are predisposed to it, those who have an underlying, ongoing depressive illness, or who may have experienced depressive episodes in the past. When we quit smoking (especially if we do so Cold Turkey), we experience very real physiological changes - our brain chemistry is profoundly altered. If you recently quit, or are in the process of quitting, you should be aware of any major changes in mood that persist for more than a couple of weeks. It can be very dangerous to leave depression untreated, and it's not necessary to suffer through an episode of depression when so many avenues of treatment are available.
If you are experiencing a prolonged bout of depression, please arrange to see a medical professional as soon as possible. Medical privacy and anti-discrimination laws being what they are these days, you can choose to keep treatment for depression private if you worry that it might jeopardize your job. If you are uninsured or unemployed (or underemployed) and worried about treatment costs, most public health clinics can refer you to a behavioral health professional either free of charge or charge you on a sliding fee scale (it will most likely cost you less than your cigarettes did).
And if you don't even know where to begin to find help, you can always just CALL 2-1-1 - it's like calling 9-1-1, but you will get health care and counseling assistance (as well as related help - housing, employment, basically anything in the social services umbrella).
If you think that quitting smoking may have triggered a depressive episode, there's help available to you. If you are fearful of quitting because you think it may trigger (or intensify) underlying depression, please ask for help from a medical professional in planning your quit - "I might get depressed - or more depressed" is not a great excuse to keep smoking, trust me! If you have already quit and feel depressed as a result, the correct response is to seek treatment (not go back to smoking as a "fix" for the problem).
The upshot of all this is if you are struggling with depression, you don't have to go it alone. And since I'm even bumming myself out a little with this topic, I'm going to end on a slightly happier note.
Current members of the GUS team! Please post a comment in the butt can if you would like to join, or if your name is here in error:
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, Abra Crabcakeya, addisnana, AfroPonix, amk for obama, Anne933, aoeu, arcadesproject, Archie2227, ArthurWolf (in memoriam), awkawk, bamablue, barnowl, bgblcklab1, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, breedlovinit, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, burrow owl, Cen Den, Chocolate Chris, ChurchofBruce, coppercelt, dadanation, dangoch, Dexter, Dingodude, donnamarie, DRo, droogie6655321, duckhunter, EdgedInBlue, Everest42, Fineena, Flea, flumptytail, FrugalGranny, Garrett, gooners, greylox, gchaucer2, Geiiga, grndrush, Im a frayed knot, Indexer, indyada, Interceptor7, inventor, itsbenj, Jahiz, JamesEB, Jeffersonian Democrat, jmadlc55, johngoes, Jyrix, jvolvo's Mom, jwinIL14, kai99, kailuacaton, Kelly of PA, kestrel9000, khloemi, Khun David, Ksholl, labwitchy, Lady Kestrel, ladypockt, langerdang, LarsThorwald, Last Starfighter, Laurie Gator, Lipstick Liberal, litoralis, lmdonovan, luvsathoroughbred, maggiemay, magicsister, marknspokane, mdemploi, michael1104, Mikeguyver, Minerva1157, MinervainNH, mskitty, nannyboz, ncsuLAN, Nick Zouroudis, one pissed off democrat, Ordvefa, OverTheEdge, PaintyKat, Pennsylvanian, phrogge prince, Positronicus, post rational, psycho liberal, PvtJarHead, red mittens, revelwoodie, rkex, roadlion, rosebuddear, SallyCat, seenaymah, Scrapyard Ape, sheddhead, smartcookienyc, spmozart, SpotTheCat, Tay, theatre goon, triciawyse, trueblueliberal, Turn VABlue, Turtle Bay, uc booker, Unduna, Unforgiven, Vacationland, webranding, weelzup, willy mugobeer, Wood Dragon, x
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