The National Clown Federation (NCF) recently called a press conference to air their growing concerns about growing government interference with the private marketplace. Very Serious News Networks (VSNN) was there to record the event.
Stepping to the podium, NCF President, Paul Snitzel addressed the crowd of reporters. "We have a serious problem in America. Tens-of-thousands of clowns have been forced into the unemployment lines by uncalled for and truly egregious government interference in the private marketplace. There was a time when private market clown related business comprised four-tenths of 1% of the GDP. It is a national catastrophe that this number has been halved. Today, clowns only account for two-tenths of 1% of the US GDP. This translates into a lot of sad faces, and a swelling in the ranks of painted panhandlers and even mimes (Paul shuddered visibly). If we don’t do something about the current situation, there won’t be a single paying clown job left in the private marketplace."
Paul squared his shoulders and a steely resolve crossed his visage, "You know what the problem is! It started with Newt Gingrich leading the impeachment charge against Bill Clinton, while simultaneously carrying on his own adulterous affair." Paul chuckled a moment before regaining his composure. "Now, we made it through the Republican Revolution, so our organization was convinced that the worse was behind us. But now they’ve given us the likes of Governor Palin, Representative Bachman, Senator Inhofe, and Representative Wilson! Honestly, who can compete with them? We aren’t supermen. We’re not geniuses. We’re just clowns."
Paul’s shoulders slumped momentarily, but he quickly straightened his back and continued "It’s bad enough that the GOP has jumped into Tom-Foolery with both feet, but what’s killing us in the media’s complicity!" Audible gasps arose from the surrounding reporters. Paul pressed his point, "Joe Wilson, a bonafide member of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, just yelled "You Lie" at the President, and then insisted it wasn’t about racism. Did a single reporter from VSNN press Representative Wilson on this point? Did anyone in this room not recognize this as potentially the most laughable claim of the 21st Century?" The assemblage of reporters hung their heads, avoiding eye contact with Paul Snitzel.
Paul shook his head "I thought not. The next time you peruse the obituary page, look for a rash of deaths from starvation and/or heartbreak. They were once gainfully employed clowns, and their deaths are on your hands." Paul turned and strode forcefully to the door, only pausing once to squeak a bicycle horn before exiting.