It's 3:30 AM or so EST, and I just finished my prep work for a marathon effort in my personal fight against hunger in the US.
At 10 AM, I will open my front door, and throughout the course of the day, more than 100 fine folks, a few of them kossacks, will come into the warm embrace of my home, bearing potluck goodies and a large amount of non-perishable goods and cash which will all go towards the Heights Emergency Food Center.
But it's not simply altruism that draws them to my house on New Year's Day.
No, my friends are coming for the Omelettes...
UPDATED BELOW...
For three years I worked as an omelette chef at Norton's a now-defunct restaurant in Cleveland Heights Ohio known for two things: Their massive 1/2 pound gourmet burgers and their 3-egg, fully loaded dinner Omelettes.
For the past 15 years I have taken that experience and parlayed it into charity drive that draws people in for this fabulous deal: If you bring something non-egg-based and brunchy for the party and at least $20 worth of food or cash for the HUnger Center, then I'll make you an omelette built according to the following guidelines:
First, pick a size:
Large (3 egg) - or - Small (2 egg)
Then, Pick a style:
Substitutions for dietary reason only, please • Egg Beaters™ available
Boston
Stir-fried Crab, Shrimp, Tuna, Water Chestnuts, Bamboo Shoots, and Swiss Cheese.
Chicago
Steak, Mushrooms, Sour Cream and Havarti Cheese.
Detroit
Gyro/Lamb, Tomato, Onion, Feta, and Cucumber-Yogurt Dressing
El Paso
Hot Sausage, Banana & Jalapeño Peppers, Salsa, and Pepper Jack Cheese.
Made with a dash or two of Tabasco directly into the Eggs.
Honolulu
Ham, Pineapple, Onion, Teriyaki Sauce and Cheddar Cheese
Las Vegas
AKA “The Cholesterol Death” Bacon, Ham, Sausage, Olives, Sour Cream and Brie.
We refuse to make this omelette with Egg Beaters.
Milwaukee
Eggs + 4 Random Cheeses. (Single egg version available for Kids, made with Velveeta)
New York
Pepperoni, Mushroom, Onion, Green Pepper, Marinara, Mozzarella & Parmesan
San Francisco
Tofu, Veggies and your choice of Cheese. No egg/butter/cheese version available for vegans.
Those who don't want to pick a pre-designed omelette can feel free to choose from the following ala carte menu:
Meat:
Bacon • Ham • Hot Sausage • Pepperoni
Mild Sausage • Steak • Gyro/Lamb • Ground Beef
Crab Meat • Shrimp • Tuna
Sauces:
Alfredo • Cucumber-Yogurt • Marinara
Salsa • Sour Cream • Soy Sauce
Tabasco • Teriyaki • Thai Peanut
Vegetables/Fruits:
Almonds • Artichoke Heart • Avocado
Bamboo Shoot • Banana Pepper • Fresh Basil
Black Olives • Broccoli • Dried Cranberries
Green Pepper • Green Olives • Jalapeño Pepper
Mushroom • Onion • Pineapple • Raisins
Red Bell Pepper • Spinach • Sunflower Seed
Tofu • Tomato • Water Chestnut • Zucchini
Cheeses:
American • Bleu • Brie • Cheddar
Colby • Cream • Feta • Fontina
Havarti • Mozzarella • Muenster
Parmesan • Pepper Jack • Swiss • Velveeta!
Last year we raised nearly 600 pounds of food and close to $500, and this year I hope to beat that figure. As we learned in the Filling Empty Bowls: 36 Hours for Feeding America blogging marathon led by noweasels earlier this month, 1 in 8 Americans will go hungry today and this problem is made even more dire by the fact that donations to hunger centers drop precipitously after the holidays. My effort is a direct attempt to inject capital and bulk foodstuffs into the local system when it needs it the most, and I'm proud to say it has worked wonders here.
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As an aside, I also provide one other thing: a bloody mary that goes down smooth but will burn the toxins out of your system.
I use 1 large can of V8, 166 ML of Absolut Peppar (1/3rd of a 500 ML bottle) a tablespoon of horseradish, a tablespoon of Worchestershire sauce, a tablespoon of tabasco, a teaspoon of chili powder, a teaspoon of black pepper, a teaspoon of celery salt, 2 tablespoons of lemon juice and 1/2 of a can of Guinness Draught. Mix all ingredients into a blender, give it a good frothing spin, then serve over ice. MMMmmmmmmmm.......
UPDATE: Thanks for the rec list, gang! Just a quick note to announce that the doors are open, people are starting to arrive, and the kitchen is all set up and ready to go!