So I heard that the local opinion editor of the Iowa City's
Press-Citizen was thinking about creating a weekly column which would include doggerel poetry satirizing politics and current events. Such an enterprise actually has mass appeal in Iowa City, home of the Iowa Writers' Workshop and friend to all things literary. I love churning out the rhymes, and I wanted the job.
This editor -- a fine fellow named Jeff Charis-Carlson -- was thinking of something like what Calvin Trillin did with his "Deadline Poetry" series in The Nation, later collected in a book that sold really well for poetry. Now Trillin is an OK prose writer, but a godawful poet. So I wrote Jeff with a sample of my versifying prowess.
(More below the fold, including "The Ballad of Dead-eye Dick")
Jeff liked it enough to "hire" me. So now, every two weeks I'll be busting out with a bit of Snoop Doggy Doggerel ripping on all things numbskull and right-wing, and soon the
Press-Citizen will be getting rich on increased subscriptions, as Americans everywhere flock to the opinon page for a taste my mad rhyming skills! Here's my first entry in the series, to be published in the paper later this week:
The Ballad of Dead-eye Dick
Dead-eye Dick was a hunter of quail.
Calamity Jane he was not.
He ordered an army to hunt down Saddam,
And his staff to go buy some bird-shot.
For he, like George Bush, did sit on his tush,
When duty called in their youth
To fight for their country in Vietnam.
Yes, boot camp was just too uncouth.
Now Dick's unconcerned with the lessons we've learned
Or for braver soldiers' interment.
Maybe Dick Cheney would have better aim
If he'd not sought that fifth deferment.