Live* From Alabama #1: Running Scared in Dixie: The Tar and Feather Option. (*Well, it was live when I wrote it!)
(Update: TEN people so far have voted I get the Tar and Feather Option:)
About once a month I get scared and stay scared for a week.
That is the week after the monthly paper I write for, THE REPORTER comes out... hits the stands, and gets in the hands of the people, some of whom hate it and me and only read it to see what I'm up to next.
This month was the worst. The editor sent me an email and said more people had called to ask where they could get a copy of this month's issue than had in the last seven years, and the editor said, "And it had to be because of your column."
I wrote her back, "This is not good news."
It's not good news because the title of this month's column was "Another Church Makes a Run for it: What Does God Think About White Flight?"
And people who say they are Christians but are really just hypocrites scare me worse than the KKK does. Or even Bin Laden.
I previously printed the story on dailykos.com at
http://www.dailykos.com/...
and afterwards noticed I had a new twitter follower. A guy who runs a dating site called Redneck Singles... and who has rebel flags everywhere on his twitter info. (I haven't been to the site!)
So I know at least one of "them" is watching me.
But long distance haters don't bother me.
It's the crazies down the street with AK-47's that I worry about.
The editor said that one such woman had already called to complain that the article was "wrong" and I was wrong... but she stopped short of saying I was "dead wrong."
And the editor also told me that a former head of the local GOP had asked her where I worked. Twice.
You see, that's the way things used to happen in the South. Step out of line, they find out where you work... and get you fired.
You lose your job and you can't get another one and you and your family start starving to death... and have to move away. Their Problem solved. Your problems just beginning.
And if you didn't leave, there was always the tar and feather option.
Or the rope.
(Do any of you readers know of a good tar and feather remover? I may need to stock up.)
So right now, while you read this out there in the safety of your civilized town, up North or out West or in Hawaii some place, people in this small town are passing the REPORTER around and saying, not nice things about me.
And maybe sharpening their pitchforks.
People who call themselves Christians, no doubt.
(Reminds me of a new magazine I saw on the newstands some time ago. I don't know if it is still in existence, but I believe it was called SOUTHERN GARDENS AND GUNS).
But anyway, I figure if I last a week without getting shot by an unhappy Christian, I'm probably safe until the next month and the next thing I say that upsets them.
There is one tiny bright spot in "Live From Alabama" this week however. A black man I know was stopped by law officials, apparently for jogging while black. He is new to the South and later I asked him what he thought about our local law enforcement officials. Specifically I asked him, If he was treated with respect. And he said he was. But he was asked, "Do you live in this area?" which was I am not so sure, an appropriate question.
What do you think?
If you're jogging, what does it matter where you live? I used to take my bike to Birmingham to ride, and no one stopped me and said, "We had a call you're riding your bike. Are you from this area?"
But of course... I'm not black. Or Hispanic. Or Arabic.
I'm just a white person. Or a white you know what, depending on who you talk to.
But maybe to the surprise of the policemen (I don't know, I wasn't there)... he did live there.
He's a high paid professional, who can afford to live where he wants. Which incidently, when talking to a woman today about this, she said words to the effect that there's getting to be nowhere you can get away from "them" nowdays.
She was also quick to say of course, that she has black friends.
I myself, am NOT going to tell you I have black friends. If I do, that is up to them to tell you, not me.
I know I can tell you however, and without a doubt I have very few WHITE friends.
But back to the Jogger, I heard two versions of the jogging story, one in which someone said he jogged in front of a car and the car driver called the police... instead of just going on, like most of us do when we have our usual several near misses a day.
Can you imagine what the police would say if you called them and said, "Hey, I just had a near miss when a car pulled out in front of me at Taco Bell.... and the driver's still out there in the area!
I think they might legitimately ask, "Is he drunk? Or on drugs?"
And you would have to truthfully answer, "No, I don't think he was drunk, he was just the usual in a hurry driver."
Wouldn't they hang up on you?
I would love to have a recording of that jogging call tape, just to hear what the driver said to the police. Was it, "Officer, I want to report a BLACK man jogging in my town where there are not very many blacks and he ran out in front of me."
So I wonder if the police asked the caller this time, "Was the jogger drunk, sir? Did he appear to be on drugs? Or was he just jogging?"
To which the driver may have responded, "No, but didn't you hear me, I said he WAS black!"
The version of the story I told you about before contained the alledged police saying that he (the black jogger) needed to be jogging somewhere else.
Where the else was, was not specified.
This occured in Rainbow City, which in MY OPINION, is a white flight city, the same as Southside. But which branch of the police it was, city, county or state, was somewhat unclear.
Since I'm making cities mad today, I might as well add two others nearby where this store could have happened, Hokes Bluff and Glenco - both of whom can not be called white flight cities because they have been the way they are for long before white flight was invented.
But the bright side as I stated before, is that the man said he was treated with respect.
That's really all that's important. Ask all the questions you want, just do it in a respectful manner... equally and to all people. And not because someone is poor or black or wearing a turban... or speaks with a Spanish accent.
So, after hearing he was treated well, maybe there is hope that Alabama is changing and getting to be a more tolerant place...
And that maybe even I will be allowed to continue living here after my article on white flight, the emphasis being on the word "living."
But now, to add to my worry about church people - notice I did not say Christians - offing me...
I now have to also worry about having offended local police officials.
But I hope that when some mad person hands this story to them... the officers will remember this about me, and that maybe it will balance their anger out with goodwill:
I once walked with you guys for hours in the hot sun for a couple of days one Summer, when you were on strike for better wages.
It was near 100 degrees and we were all dripping sweat.
I didn't have to do that. No one made me. I did it because I appreciate that law officers do risk their life for us, and because of that you deserved better pay and benefits, and there was a whole lot of resistance from local politicians at the time to giving them to you.
I did it because it was the right thing to do.
Just like treating everybody you come into contact with, with respect, regardless of their color is the right thing to do.
So please take that into consideration and, if you still can't forgive me for anything I've said in this story... at least try to throw me down and cuff me slowly, as I have a bad right knee.
Thanks a mil.
Will Bevis.
Gadsden, AL
Will@willbevis.com
On Twitter as WillBevis
Next Up on Live in Alabama...
Why I won't Eat at FIREHOUSE SUBS.