From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Marriage Equality in Maine: Down to A Dozen
Twelve days until Mainers go to the polls and decide whether or not to repeal the new law that would grant same-sex couples the rights and responsibilities of civil marriage. A 'Yes' vote repeals the law. A 'No' vote keeps it. A 'Maybe' vote means you're a smartass.
Since their campaign ramped up a couple months ago, the 'Yes on 1' folks (mostly Maine's Catholic bishop, who really seems to have an unnaturally-large burr up his ass over this---it's kinda creepy) have relied heavily on the organizers of Prop. 8 to repeat their tactics from last year's playbook. They have yet to air one single honest ad. They've passed private conservative Christian academy teacher "testimonials" off as public school teachers, while smearing a Maine public-school Teacher-of-the-Year. They rustled up a Boston law professor to stare into the camera and lie. They created a phony AP headline to make it sound scaaaarier. And, despite getting a thorough debunking by the press, they continue to try and dupe voters by scaring them with tales of how teachers will suddenly start "teaching" gay marriage in class.
Well here's a news flash for you concerned Maine moms and dads out there: your kids already know what gay marriage is...and they find it just as boring as straight marriage! So it's okay---you can relax your sphincters now. If the law is allowed to stay on the books, the biggest danger your kids face in school will still be choking on a Skittle. Or swine flu. Or taking a tater-tot to the head in the cafeteria during lunch.
The 'No on 1' campaign has done a good job defending itself---and the truth---against these attacks. They've been firm but respectful. Very classy. But...[sigh]...I wrote ads for so many years I just can't help myself. So here are three 30-second ads that I'd love to see on the air here. But the 'No on 1' folks should probably ignore them because they might kill the campaign. Consider this a simple exercise in Billy spleen-venting:
Announcer: The 'Yes on One' campaign has been deceiving Mainers. Here's proof:
Clip of 'Yes on 1' campaign manager Marc Mutty from recent radio interview: "We have never said that schools will be mandated -- or actually perhaps we did in one ad, or certainly led people to believe that inadvertently."
Announcer over split screen of matching footage from Maine and California ads: 'Inadvertently?' When they ran the same ad in California last year?
Nice try. Mainers know a lie when they see one. On November 3rd, Say NO to those who would play dishonest politics with Maine families. Vote NO on 1 to preserve marriage equality.
Dyed-in-the-wool Mainer: I was born in Maine and my parents taught me to treat people equally---with respect---whether you're old or young, black or white, straight or gay.
The people running those ads for 'Yes on 1' should be ashamed. They're dishonest, they're deceptive, and they're just trying to scare and divide people.
I'm voting 'No on 1' for two reasons: because I believe in equality for everyone, and because I want to send the 'Yes' campaign a message that what they're doing is way out of bounds. For me, it’s No on Question 1. And that's all I have to say.
Announcer over images from 'Yes on 1' ads: A doctored headline designed to scare voters. False claims debunked in Maine's newspapers. Deception over who this private school teacher really is. An out-of-state law professor with a hidden agenda.
The 'Yes on 1' campaign promised to run a civil debate about marriage equality. Instead they've blanketed the airwaves with lies and scare tactics.
Enough.
All Mainers deserve equal rights under the law. If Question 1 passes, it will take those rights away from countless Maine families.
On November 3rd, vote no on Question 1 to protect marriage equality.
There. I feel better.
Vital links:
Mainers can request a ballot by mail here or cast an early ballot at your city or town hall.
Phonebank from home
Drive for Equality carpooling program
Donations
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 22, 2009
Note: Is Joe the Plumber still a foreign correspondent for Pajamas Media? I hope so because his reports are exciting!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Howard Dean's birthday: 26
Days `til the 11th annual Norwich Pumpkin Festival in New York: 1
Portion of murder victims who knew their assailant: 3-in-4
Portion of rape victims who knew their assailants: 7-in-10
(Source: Parade)
Drop in sales of conventional mobile phones this year: -10%
Increase in sales of "smart phones" like BlackBerries and iPhones: +15%
(Source: The Economist via The Week)
Age Of actor Eli Wallach, who is currently getting rave reviews for his latest role in New York, I Love You (opposite Cloris Leachman): 93
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
It is not necessary to hate George W. Bush to think he's a bad president. Grown-ups can do that, you know. You can decide someone's policies are a miserable failure without lying awake at night consumed with hatred.
Poor Bush is in way over his head, and the country is in bad shape because of his stupid economic policies.
If that makes me a Bush hater, then sign me up.
---November, 2003
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Arrrrr...
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CHEERS to getting stuck in your own mud. So, after nine months of facing down the new president and his Democratic congress, the Republicans---those America-loving, flag-waving freedom fighters protecting the homeland against the giant throbbing socialist Grandma-killing machine---must be experiencing a populist resurgence, right? Right!!! If by right you mean absolutely, mind-blowingly wrong:
the Republican Party has neither gained any traction with voters nor has it appreciably damaged the Democratic brand. A Democratic source noted, on Monday morning, that the aggregate polling data for how voters list their party affiliations has remained remarkably steady since the Obama administration took office. If anything, the GOP's appeal has worsened.
Now, don’t be gettin' all cocky over this. The GOP is already planning a big comeback, and will launch it the second they come up with fresh, bold new ideas ("wings that take dream," as Dear Leader 43 would call 'em) that will make it past the public's bullshit detectors. So we have precious little time to prepare for them---2109 is just around the corner!
JEERS to caving for converts. To paraphrase Mel Brooks, this is the offer being made by the Vatican to conservative Anglicans who can't bear the thought that Jesus would enjoy hanging out with gays and women: "Don't be stupid, be a smarty...come and join the Catholic party!" Bring a friend with ya and they'll toss in a free Cuisinart!
CHEERS to the new senior senator from Massachusetts. The Boston Globe calls John Kerry's adventure in Afghanistan a "A Diplomatic Triumph." I had no idea it got this intense:
Hours after he landed in Kabul on Friday, the Massachusetts Democrat was called upon by the US ambassador to negotiate with [President Hamid] Karzai, a request that triggered a marathon of detailed meetings---over tea, over dinner, and in private strolls on grounds of the presidential palace.
Yesterday, Kerry stood beside Karzai as the Afghan president announced that he had agreed to a runoff election Nov. 7. It is meant to diminish the taint of fraud on Karzai’s reelection that has thrown doubt on the legitimacy of Afghanistan’s government, and greatly complicated President Obama’s deliberations on the war. ...
"We may have just averted a crisis of government in Afghanistan. This may be the biggest thing that Kerry has done, other than run for president,’’ said Ralph G. Carter a professor at Texas Christian University who co-authored a book on the history of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.
God, it’s great having grownups in charge.
CHEERS to real leadership. Speaking of crisis, On October 22, 1962 President Kennedy informed the world that the Soviet Union was building secret missile bases in Cuba (watch his speech here). He ordered our military to quarantine Cuba until Soviet premier Khrushchev agreed to shut 'em down. Kennedy negotiated his way through the melee without establishing a color-coded terror alert system, telling us to go shopping, or invading a country that had nothing to do with the crisis at hand. What a lightweight.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. John Cole asks: Do the men who write for ABC’s the Note have sex with barnyard animals, as some suggest?
Moo.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
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JEERS to not supporting our troops. Goddammit! Pardon my French, but what the fuck is it about body armor that makes the United States military turn into incompetent nincompoops??? After all the years we've been screaming about the lack of, and substandard manufacture of body armor, they just keep screwing it up:
The Army made critical mistakes in tests of a new body armor design, according to congressional investigators who recommend an independent review of the trials before the gear is issued.
The Government Accountability Office report says the Army deviated from established testing standards and concludes that several of the designs that passed would have failed had the tests been done properly.
The Army has ordered about 240,000 of the new type of bullet-blocking plate to be used in ballistic vests, but doesn’t plan to rush the armor into combat. The Army said the plates will be stored until needed to meet future demands.
And who, pray tell, is getting fired for this? Of course...Private Nobodyhere.
CHEERS to the world's greatest knucklehead. Moe and Larry had their pluses, but The Three Stooges weren't worth a poke in the eyes without Curly, aka Jerome Howard. Today is his 106th birthday. Click here...we chipped in and got him a sweater. N'yuck N'yuck...
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Five years ago in C&J: October 22, 2004
JEERS to the color-coded terror alert system. John Kerry tells Rolling Stone he'll probably scrap it: "I'm going to find some more thoughtful way of alerting America." Out: green, blue, yellow, orange, & red. In: lime, grape, lemon, tangerine, and ketchup.
JEERS to children left behind again and again and again. Bush's education policy is so grand that only 22 percent of high school graduates are smart enough for college. The rest will go straight to being corporate CEOs.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to a brief encounter with His Gutsiness. I imagine Florida Congressman Alan Grayson's diary is still on the rec list this morning. He was nice to stop by, and here's what impressed me most: to show he's a man of good manners (take note, Michael Moore), he said he would stick around and chat with us for an entire hour, and then gave us an hour and seven minutes! Not to boast or anything, but...well...I was the only one who got his virtual autograph. But, honestly, I was just joking about printing it out and selling it on eBay for a jillion bucks. Hell, it's been stuck at $2.4 million all morning.
Have a lemon-fresh day. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Keith Olbermann and Bill in Portland Maine. I mean, here are a couple of sick puppies."
---George H.W. Bush
10/16/09
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