In the jungle of political animals the homo wingnutus is one of the strangest creatures to be found. In the last few decades, its population has exploded, and its visibility has gone up even further over this past year. Its effect on the political ecosystem is devastating. If we are to manage this threat we must learn more about this illusive creature, so without further ado, let us journey into the life of the homo wingnutus.
The homo wingnutus is present all around the country, but is heavily concentrated in the the deep south and mountain west. In most of the country, their populations are receding, but they are expanding in Appalachia. Many political biologists estimate that the homo wingnutus will go extinct outside of the deep south by 2050.
Homo wingnutus concentrations
Trends in homo wingnutus populations
Most homo wingnutus individuals are white, male, heterosexual, and christian. The homo wingnutus will often become fearful, and insecure, and angry when dealing with individuals who do not posses all of these characteristics. They tend to lash out and insult those who are different, often trying to remove their civil rights. When the homo wingnutus is cornered and called out on this tactic, it will often accuse its opponent of reverse racism.
A prime example of a bigoted homo wingnutus
A homo wingnutus when enraged
The homo wingnutus tends to follow an alpha wingnut who serves as leader. The homo wingnutus choses its leader based on who can spout the most bigotry, hatred, and idiocy over the largest medium. This naturally offends and alienates the other political animals, and creates enemies for the homo wingnutus. If a homo wingnutus tries to break this cycle and challenge the alpha wingnut, it will likely end up begging for forgiveness a few days/hours later.
The current alpha wingnut
Will this be the next alpha wingnut?
The homo wingnutus, while capable of speech, is only able to communicate in lies and fabrications. Often this will take the form of a claim that a public option is code for death panels, or that Obama was born in Kenya. It can often be unclear how much of these lies the homo wingnutus believe itself, and how much it is used to deliberately confuse its prey. Such tactics are mixed in their results. Their effectiveness depends on whether the media climate allows them to camouflage their claims as indistinguishable from the truth.
Approximate translation of homos wingnutus speech: "I am crazy"
Recently a traumatic event has rocked the habitat of the homo wingnutus. The homo wingnutus, George Bush, ended his presidency in disgrace and Barack Obama, a Democrat and African American became the president. This has caused the homo wingnutus population to come out of the woodwork and engage in teabagging. Teabagging consists of homo wingnutus herds marching around comparing Obama and Democratic policies to Hitler, Stalin, Fascism, Socialism, Feudalism, Paganism, Satanism, etc. The policies that the homo wingnutus opposes will always reduce the power of the wealthy. The homo wingnutus has the unique ability to make its herd appear many times larger than it actually is, at least when viewed by fox news.
A homo wingnutus teabagger in its natural habitat
The homo wingnutus is rarely a threat in person but can be very dangerous to our country and planet when in the voting booth. There is one sure fire way to negate this threat. If us homo progressivuses volunteer on progressive issues and for progressive candidates, contact our representatives, pressure our Democratic leaders, and vote, the homo wingnutus will become irrelevant.