From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
"Thanks for your business. Burrito DENIED!"
Local op-ed columns are hit and miss up here. But sometimes you read a gem that sucks you in and makes you shout, "Yeah, baby!" in the middle of the Portland Metro station and not feel embarrassed.
Erin Bruns and Bruce Luttrell own Bruce's Burritos (Slogan: "Be Happy! Be Healthy! Eat Burritos!") in Yarmouth. They contend that if they ran their restaurant the way the muckety mucks run the healthcare industry, they'd have been out of business long ago:
If I ran my business this way, I would charge different individuals at different rates, give them different levels of service, and, if I felt like it, after they paid I would reserve the right to deny them a burrito because I had someone else offering me more money. ...
If I ran my restaurant that way, I'd hand you a tortilla and send you across town for your rice and beans, and to another place for your salsa...
In the burrito biz, we could just add on what we think the customer wants; surely she wants guacamole for $15 extra, and if I don't think that she has ordered enough for her family, I'll just throw in two more quesadillas for $30. If I liked, I could run up the price further by charging them for each grain of rice, for me to take CEO golf vacations.
And you can definitely kiss the free pre-meal chips and salsa goodbye.
Bruce's Burritos is one of countless small businesses that can't afford to give its employees healthcare benefits. Not that they wouldn’t love to, but the system is not interested in covering them affordably. To the insurance industry, they simply don’t have enough dollar signs in their eyes. But Erin and Bruce speak for millions when they write:
I've been struggling with health care for 10 years, and I'm sick of it. Now is the time for action, and Sen. Olympia Snowe in particular needs to stay strong on this issue by building on the best parts of her Senate Finance Committee bill.
The final product needs to reduce costs, cut red tape and, yes, provide a public option to introduce some real competition to every market. No one will get everything they want in the end but, as the senator herself noted last month, "when history calls, history calls."
[Ring Ring]
It's a good column. A down-to-earth reminder that this is an epic battle between hard-working people and a soulless monolith (along with their political enablers like Maine's two senators) hellbent on serving us bullshit and calling it filet mignon. It's enough to give ya heartburn.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 12, 2009
Note: Tomorrow may be Friday the 13th, but C&J will appear as scheduled because we are rugged and brave. And we know that you'll draw from our strength and stare down the cursed day with steely-eyed resolve. [Push!] We're behind you all the way!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 14
Days `til the Ballard Jazz Festival in Washington: 8
Drop in airfares over the past year: -13%
(Source: Dept. of Transportation)
Expected decline in passengers on airliners between Nov. 20 and Dec. 1 vs. the same period a year ago: -4%
(Source: Air Transport Association)
Percent of U.S. cities in which housing prices fell during the third quarter: 80%
(Source: National Association of Realtors)
Initial viewership of the Jay Leno Show: 18.4 million
Current viewership of the Jay Leno Show: 4.3 million
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Hey, I've been telling everyone how fabulous the new Texans at the top of Congress are going to be. Wait'll you see, I gloated. Bill Archer! Tom DeLay! And best of all, Dick Armey! This guy makes Newt Gingrich look like a fuzzy, cuddly bear.
One of my all-time favorite Dick Armey moments was when he looked at Hillary Rodham Clinton during a health-care reform hearing and said, "I have been told about your charm and wit, and let me say the reports on your charm are overstated and the reports on your wit are understated." That was my man Armey---a noted authority, all agree, on both charm and wit.
---November, 1994
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Lassie's apathetic twin.
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CHEERS to beating a hasty retreat. Well, that was fast. After lasting a mere 29 years, Lou Dobbs is hanging up his cosmetics kit ("He looks so lifelike!") and saying farewell to CNN. In the end, we believe, 'twas bigotry that killed the brute, and he'd become too much of a liability to the network. We expect he'll plop himself in a lawn chair on the border and spend his remaining days as an immigrant-busting Minuteman...binoculars in one hand, Taser in the other, two-way radio in one foot, bottle 'o Jack Daniels in the other. Unless Fox calls and offers him a slot, in which case: Welcome to Crazytown, Dobbie!
CHEERS to taking care of Job #1. And that would be jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs. Apparently Democrats just woke up and realized there's a mid-term election straight ahead:
Senate Democrats will take up a new job-creation bill in the wake of the 10.2 percent unemployment rate, Majority Leader Harry Reid told his colleagues Tuesday. ... Reid said he was looking at an initiative focused on job creation "and that our caucus will take it up," [Senator Ben] Cardin said.
Among the expected national projects: roads, bridges, schools, hospitals, and President Obama's long-sought U.S.-Kenya Chunnel. Mmmm...I love the smell of gigantic red-hot titanium drill bits in the morning.
JEERS to me of little faith. I'm thinking of calling the Senate Majority Leader this morning and leaving a brief message:
Hey, Harry! As you shepherd the Democratic healthcare bill through the Senate I'm counting on you to...
Cave on your timeline
Not properly anticipate or blunt conservative attacks
Screw up removal of the Stupak coat-hanger amendment
Totally forget why Democrats were given a mandate a year ago
Let Joe Lieberman, Ben Nelson and Olympia Snowe have everything they want
Approve a public option that's a trigger for a trigger for the trigger
Give obstructionist Republicans greater influence than they deserve (none)
Snatch defeat from the jaws of victory
In short, I'm counting on you to totally screw this thing up...and continue your hugely-successful campaign to drive a huge majority of Democratic voters crazy.
Please, Harry: prove this stupid shrill cynical backseat-driving blogger wrong. Thank you and good morning.
I'm also thinking of buying new curtains, leading a nursing home rebellion and mooning the mayor. The days fill up so fast.
CHEERS to Minty freshness. If you liked the U.S. Mint's "50 State Quarters" program, you'll love how they've managed to extend the franchise again:
Beginning in 2010, the United States Mint will issue 56 quarter-dollar coins featuring designs depicting national parks and other national sites as part of the United States Mint America the Beautiful Quarters Program.
The five quarters to be released in 2010 will honor Hot Springs National Park in Arkansas, Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming, Yosemite National Park in California, Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona and Mt. Hood National Forest in Oregon.
Maine's quarter will feature---no surprise---Acadia National park in 2012. You can see which cesspool of depravity will represent your state by clicking here. I'm disappointed to see that South Carolina won't feature the Appalachian Trail. Numismatists---no sense of humor.
CHEERS to the parties of No. U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan (and former military commander in the region) Karl Eikenberry to President Obama on increasing troop levels there: "No No No No No!" President Obama to his national security team on the troop deployment options they've presented to him so far: "No No No No No!" General McChrystal to his 4-star Teddy bear on hearing the news that he may not get the green light to escalate his futile war there: "No No No No No!" Thanks for teaching us that word, Republicans. It seems to be coming in handy. Yes, indeed.
KLAATU BARADA NIKTO to scanning the heavens for fresh converts. Oh, ya gotta give the Vatican credit for at least trying to be hip. The Pope has asked his chief astronomer to search for intelligent life in outer space. C&J secretly taped his latest report to Benedict XVI:
"Your Holiness?"
"Yes, what is it, young Skywatcher?"
"We found alien life."
"Really??? That's delightful! Tell me all about them!"
"Well, there's 40 billion of them..."
"Wonderful! So many fresh souls waiting to fill our ranks and our collection plates!"
"...and they're on their way here..."
"I can't wait to meet them!"
"...and they're all gay."
[Clunk!!!]
As soon as they get sworn in as U.S. citizens, I suggest we schedule marriage referendums in all 50 states. Game. Set. Match. Partytime.
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Five years ago in C&J: November 12, 2004
CHEERS to comedy in the comments. Kossack Bakin4mymomma posted this snarky bit you might have missed yesterday: "Jeers to the upcoming Ronald Reagan stamp. Thank god for self-adhesive stamps. I thought Reagan left a bad taste in my mouth the first time." We couldn't have said it better ourselves.
CHEERS to piling on. C&J reader Don Quixote added to the above: "It must be a self-adhesive stamp. Otherwise, people will keep spitting on the wrong side." And Nightsweat chimed in: "If you use the Reagan stamp on your mail do your grandkids have to pay the postage?" Wow---I think I've been outsourced.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to a new lease on lewdness. I can just hear the murmers from the socialites in Vassalboro, Maine: "Shocking!" "Shameful!" "Make mine glazed!" Yes, friends, the topless coffee & doughnut shop that was destroyed by fire in June (arson, 'natch) is back in business with a full slate of goodies to eat, drink and ogle. Please keep your fingers crossed---I sent 'em my resume for a weekend shift. Nobody works the tassels like me, baby.
Have a nice Thursday. Think deep thoughts. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Forty-five minutes away lies Portland (population 64,500), which may seem like a small town on paper but is Maine's largest and most cosmopolitan city, with eclectic shopping and Bill in Portland Maine.
---Travel + Leisure
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