My favorite Monty Python movie is Life of Brian, hands down. It's among my favorite movies overall. And one of my favorite scenes from that is with the vendor in the marketplace:
Brian How much? Quick!
Merchnt What?
Brian It's for the wife.
Merchnt Oh. Uh... Twenty shekels.
Brian Right.
Merchnt What?
Brian There you are.
Merchnt Wait a minute.
Brian What?
Merchnt Well, we're, we're supposed to haggle.
Brian No, no, I've got to get...
Merchnt What do you mean, no no no?
Brian I haven't time, I've got ...
Merchnt Well give it back then.
Brian No, no, no I paid you.
Merchnt Burt!
--------[A large man stands up behind Brian, blocking his way out.]
Burt Yeah?
Merchnt This bloke won't haggle.
Burt Won't haggle???
Brian All right... do we have to?
Yes, Harry; you do have to. I know you're dealing with adult-size children and they can be pretty tricky to manage; their egos are adult in every sense. But you can't just go handing over every shekle, Harry. You're supposed to haggle.
In Congressional parlance, I suppose it's what passes for "compromise," but here's the thing, Harry: compromises are supposed to be bilateral. Now, I realize that everyone's a critic and it's never possible to please everybody, but if you're letting Little Joey have his tantrum over the public option and indulging Miss Snowe's need to be coddled, you should be working it for a damn sight more than their vote.
Merchnt Now look. I want twenty for that.
Brian I, I just gave you twenty.
Merchnt Now are you telling me that's not worth twenty shekels?
Brian No.
Merchnt Look at it. Feel the quality, that's none of yer goat.
Brian All right, I'll give you nineteen then.
Merchnt No, no, no. Come on. Do it properly.
Brian What?
Merchnt Haggle properly. This isn't worth nineteen.
Brian But you just said it was worth twenty.
Merchnt Oh dear, oh dear. Come on. Haggle.
Haggle, Harry, Haggle! Demand that in the interest of fiscal responsibility and all the other free market mantras they love to spout that we eliminate the abstinence-only education funding. Come on -- make them defend spending billions on programs that have been proven ineffective. It would make for grand theater! Really.
What else...oh! I know! You could insist on fun things like moving the timetable up on the reform process; 2013 provides for a lot of limbo.
And please do work to improve the subsidies. Or you could get really wacky and end the cap on Medicare taxable income.
Oh, hey...maybe you could end all the crazy tax breaks that companies get just for providing insurance. Because that's basically, you know, socialistic subsidizin' and stuff.
These are but a few of your options, Harry. Let the primadonnas know they don't get to have their cake and eat it, too. If they want to kill the public option, it's going to cost them their vote plus an intransigence tax.
Merchnt Oh yeah. That's right. That's four I owe you then.
Brian No, it's all right, that's fine, that's fine.
Merchnt No, I've got it here somewhere.
Brian It's all right, that's four for the gourd.
Merchnt Four for this gourd? Four!!!! Look at it, that's worth ten if it's
worth a shekel.
Brian But you just gave it to me for nothing.
Merchnt Yes, but it's worth ten.
Brian All right, all right.
Merchnt No, no, no, no. It's not worth ten, You're supposed to argue. Ten for
that, you must be mad!
Your vote for that?!!?? You must be mad! Say, it Harry. Say it!
So, dear Kossacks, got any other ideas for Harry? I mean, since we're all going to be calling him to reiterate our disappointment over not having a public option anyway.
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